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Your weekend TV highlights... 15:10 - Oct 19 with 930 viewsMytch_QPR

5.30pm: READY STEADY COOK!
Gareth from West London has a challenge to serve up something vaguely palatable. He's got one interesting ingredient from Morrocco, but otherwise he is limited to a few limp vegetables (some of which are past their prime). Also on the show, pensioner Bernie from Monaco says he's going to cook the books (allegedly).

6.00pm: SHREK
The Emperor of the Blunoses decides to impress his clan by appointing Shrek as his new King, however most of the natives are unimpressed. Shrek decides to try to cheer everyone up by bringing his old pal Donkey back - prompting Emile Heskey to go searching for his boots. Further comedy capers follow when the Emperor receives a hefty invoice from the 'Midlands Milfs Modelling Agency'.

8.00pm: TITANIC
Big budget distaster. The chairman of the Blue & White Line insists that his vessel is unsinkable, but many of the 12,000 or so regular passengers have their doubts. Things unravel as a young lookout boy called Zyed falls asleep on duty, but captain Ainsworth promises to steady the ship once he has finished band practice.
As things get worse, the chairman issues a 'calling all investors' distress call, but the only person to respond is an elderly trawlerman (played by Dejphon Chansiri), who says his own boat 'The Owl' is sinking even faster.
Cast:
Captain Ainsworth: Ozzy Osborne
Boy on burning deck: Lee Hoos
First man in lifeboat: Neil Critchley
Iceberg: Financial Fair Play Committee

10.30pm: IN CONCERT
Smooth talking crooner Michael Beable performs live at the Powerpoint Arena as part of his Blind Ambition tour with his backing band The Spreadsheets. As always, it's a complete sell out as Michael performs some of his most popular hits such as 'Nothing Compares 2 Me', 'I'm So Vain', 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word', 'I Wanna Kiss The Clyde' and 'We Aren't The Champions'. There is also a rousing edition of 'The Final Letdown' (featuring Europe).

"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
Poll: Next temporary manager (the wheel of misfortune) - as requested by 18 Stone

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