Poster Profiles - Cambridge_Jack

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POSTER PROFILE - Cambridge_Jack

Cambridge_Jack is without a doubt the most useful poster on the Rivals network. For those of you that are old enough to remember the 1980s TV classic 'The A-Team' you will remember the opening lines of the programme which contained these words "If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire: THE A-TEAM. CJ's own web site contains very similar wording "If you have a campaign and no-one else will back it then give me a shout because maybe you can hire Cambridge_Jack Leaflet team" OK, OK, I know it's poor but it just goes to show that you really COULD make it up!

Cambridge_Jack's life history can be traced back to the 1960s and a small terraced house in St Thomas. Come to think of it has anyone seen a terraced house that is described by people other than small? I mean they're not big compared to say a palace but they do tend to be bigger than your average box. Anyway, I digress. The house was enough to see Cambridge and his two brothers Ipswich and Norwich and his sister Peterborough grow up with a happy childhood. Early indications of Cambridge's real life came in his early days where "Cereal Choice for Teenagers" and "Television past the watershed on weekends for all" were successful campaigns within his household. Indeed, such were the legend that surrounded these campaigns that it is believed that Geordie magazine Viz modelled their 90s character "Tory Boy" on the young Cambridge.

However, the young Cambridge did suffer early setbacks in his political career with three successive election defeats in the form captain voting missing out to such school legends as Millicent Harrison-Blythe, Cuthbert Palmer-Tomkinson and most humiliatingly for Cambridge his arch Rival Oxford Blue. However, the latter campaign was surrounded by controversy with several wads of cash for questions taking place and Cambridge vowed there and then never to stand for form captain ever again. The fact that he was 23 at the time of the election was also a factor in his decision.

Upon leaving school, Cambridge proceeded to travel the world. Well, he travelled to Newport but decided that was enough for him. The lure of Swansea was too great for him to resist and he spent three years building himself a retreat just over the top of Kilvey Hill. Many people believe that he lives outside of Swansea but rarely is he seen out in his home city, venturing out just three times a week for bread and milk and the odd can of baked beans.

Cambridge though, despite his state of near recluseness (is that a real word?) has a wide circle of friends whom he entertains in his retreat. Many of them form part of his campaign team whom he lovingly refers to as SEALS (Swansea Election and Leaflet Services) although most of them reside in and around the London area which is something that Cambridge insists on as he wants them to be nearer the political hub of the capital.

What many don't know (and I really don't know if I should tell you this) but Cambridge also takes the part of Sybil the Duck on matchdays. He won through an audition of three people to land the part and spends matchdays giving subliminal messages to the support through the power of his actions. So if you ever wonder why you leave the game with a desire to vote Liberal Democrat or boycott Marmite then you know who to blame.

Cambridge really is a legend in his own underpants and for that reason alone we salute him as Swansea's favourite politician. Well, behind Cyril Smith of course. Where we would never have seen him.

Favourite Food - Anything he isn't currently boycotting

Favourite Drink - Cambridge is completely tee total. Bar Jack Daniels. And White Wine. And Lager. And anything over 5% proof

Most likely to say - "Step into my office"

Least Likely to Say - "Politics has never really interested me"

All time Hero - Mrs Thatcher

Favourite visiting fan - Mozzer

Swansea's version of - Alistair Campbell

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