| Life tips #1: Always read the label 16:25 - Jun 15 with 3643 views | Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
After suffering through a few years of absolute personal hell I decided to treat myself to a very last minute all inclusive holiday to a luxury hotel on the Mediterranean Sea. It was so last minute I literally only had about four hours to get to the airport. So I stopped off at a local supermarket and randomly grabbed a load of factor 50 sun cream and aftersun lotion knowing my skin is probably the whitest known to man. I’ve nearly died of sunstroke driving to the shops in January that’s how pathetically white I am.
Anyway the first day was lovely slobbing around by the pool in 32 degree heat not having to do anything but drink beer and innocently and accidentally watch all the lovely ladies with their lovely bums but despite caking myself in factor 50 I still contrived to attain severe burnage on my legs, feet, face, back, shoulders, stomach, arms and hands and neck. So before bed I grabbed what I thought was aftersun lotion I had picked up and smeared it liberally about my person.
Except it was not aftersun lotion. It was self tanning water. Why they put these products on the same shelf is beyond my comprehension. I woke up to find the palms of my hands had been turned bright orange. Like I’d been tossing off some oompah loompahs or lovingly caressing Donald trumps butt cheeks for hours. Fortunately this product was absolutely useless on the rest of my body otherwise I would have ended up looking like I’d been tangoed. I spent the morning watching a series of YouTube videos on how to remove the orangeness from my palms. Solutions ranged from soap to gentle exfoliation to applying glass cleaner and various other acids. None of which worked.
So I sit on my balcony with my red red skin and bright orange hands regaling my horrific tale in the hope it resonates with the rest of you so you never make the same mistake I did.
Read the f*cking label. |  |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 18:27 - Jun 19 with 781 views | Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 08:27 - Jun 19 by onehunglow |
It accentuates your ahold for a start .
Then it is more hygienic
For bedroom activities ,it is more pleasant for one’s partner .
Important to use a fresh blame and Nivea cream
Think I d better leave it there before a ban comes my way |
I often trim my man garden with some scissors or a razor but I don’t understand the concept of removing it altogether. Unless you’re going for the pre pubescent look. | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 18:38 - Jun 19 with 766 views | SullutaCreturned |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 18:27 - Jun 19 by Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
I often trim my man garden with some scissors or a razor but I don’t understand the concept of removing it altogether. Unless you’re going for the pre pubescent look. |
I'd recommend using a very sharp cut throat razor and getting drunk first, oh and wear a blindfold.
Let me know how you get on. |  | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 09:47 - Jun 20 with 727 views | controversial_jack |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 08:27 - Jun 19 by onehunglow |
It accentuates your ahold for a start .
Then it is more hygienic
For bedroom activities ,it is more pleasant for one’s partner .
Important to use a fresh blame and Nivea cream
Think I d better leave it there before a ban comes my way |
The best way to avoid sunburn, is to lay under the sun parasols | | | |
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