| Clive's Report 17:35 - Oct 25 with 4155 views | colinallcars |
Always look forward to them but especially today….. |  | | |  |
| Clive's Report on 12:10 - Oct 26 with 901 views | BristolR |
| Clive's Report on 11:35 - Oct 26 by Northernr |
Ok...
1 - Notes during the game. Used to be on a bookies slip with one of those little pens they gave you, now on my phone. Depending on Peroni intake these can either be quite insightful or completely illegible come Sunday morning.
2 - Big long conversations/arguments in the Crown afterwards, hear what everybody else thought, man of the match etc. You can listen to these when Jaz does Awaydays podcasts on the Patreon - another one coming from Southampton this weekend. I'll give the match thread and just backs on here a look as well to vibe the situation.
3 - I'll have a listen to Stephan's post match stuff on the tube home. There will often be some sort of interaction with Jack Supple around this time as well, when was the last time the QPR goalkeeper wore a bobble hat etc etc. He's unfailingly polite and useful when I'd probably tell me to pis off cos it's the middle of the night.
4 - Sunday morning- Large bacon sandwich with a lot of sauce and the EFL highlights show. Crop and load the pictures if we've been delivered some (a total ball ache), do all the lay out (the bottom bit with the numbers and links basically) then transfer the notes from the phone into a Word document followed by a couple of watch throughs of our extended highlights to check what I thought happened against what actually happened. I'll have a scan through the stats sites and see if anything stands out - the Edwards and Madsen numbers from West Ham, for example. Have a first throw at some player ratings of my own. These then get modified as the day goes on, by taking in views from the board, looking how the interactive ratings have gone, and visiting the opposition's websites to see who they thought was particularly good or bad for them. Somebody will still inevitably think a 6 for Harvey Vale is outrageous.
5 - My better half and I will then go and have a Sunday together. Usually a long walk or a train ride somewhere and a fat dinner. We like to try and do bits of London, or outside, that we haven't been before. Went to Whitstable last week, it was fcking lovely. There'll be no QPR, or talk of QPR, for the afternoon, but I'll often have a chat with a couple of you off here on the phone to see what they thought, Nick London is often good to bounce things off as we quite often disagree or see things slightly differently, Brian McCarthy is absolutely golden when I'm on the verge of sticking my head in the oven. I get A LOT of WhatsApp traffic on a Sunday morning if we've won 5-0.
6 - Hopefully by the time we get home there'll be an angle there. The angle is the hardest bit. If that isn't there it can be a long night staring at a blank screen (these are the ones that sometimes don't make it until Monday morning). If you see me pacing around Greenwich Park on a Sunday night, that's what I'm doing. Handy if there's an obvious moment from the game to hang it on - the Kieran Morgan last minute winner match report. If not, context angle - set it against what's gone before this season, or a historical comparison. Super power one, I can basically recall every detail of every game this fcking club has played for the last 30 years, so there's almost always one of those you can fall back on - the Jan Stejskal penalty save match report. And if all that fails then just go completely left field - the long night in Prague match report. Super power two - once it's in my head I can spill it onto page stupidly quickly. https://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/
7 - Add in the jokes and the popular culture references. There is an enormous and frankly batsht crazy file of all these on my phone, picked up through veracious consumption of books, films and TV, but also I'm blessed with some very funny friends and sit between Simmo and Seann Walsh at the game who are funny fckers. 9/10 times your favourite joke in the report was written by Simmo, who should really be doing it for a living. If it's a longer sketch, like the infamous Kitchen Nightmares match preview...
https://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/
... then that's usually been worked up with a couple of writers James and Josh, about whom you know nothing and we should probably keep it that way but they're fcking brilliant.
8 - CTRL+F, search for "fck" and "cnt" and remove at least half of those or it'll be tea with the Rabbi again (another story). Try and keep the dick jokes and catastrophic Ronnie Edwards horniness down to a dull roar (failed this weekend). I've got a few ticks as well, like saying 'of course' all the time and starting sentences with "but" a lot, so check and make sure there aren't 17 bloody examples of 'of course' in there and then have a 10-15 minute crisis of confidence about what a sht writer I am which can usually be settled down by opening a bottle of wine. Remove any example of treating one opinion from one weirdo on Twitter like it's in any way representative no matter how much it's triggered me (bit guilty of this in the past, Andy/Jeff is trying to coax some personal growth out of me). If we're being critical, seek second and third (and fourth and fifth) opinions before publishing. People get A LOT of WhatsApp traffic from me on a Sunday night if we've lost 5-0.
9 - Proof the life out of it, often after posting because for some reason I see the mistakes a lot clearer on site than I do on Word - so it's often best to read it about an hour after it's posted because it'll change quite a bit sometimes in that time. However thoroughly this is done, I will always wake up to a text from Ozzie Nick about a rogue semicolon. He seems to find this amusing. Post the links on socials once I'm happy with it.
10 - Sweep through the 300/400 emails that have come in for the day job over the rest of that wine so I'm ready to hit the ground running at 6.30 Monday morning.
11 - Sleep. Wake up with an enormous adrenaline pumping anxiety that I've said something I shouldn't have, gone over the top, upset everyone, made myself look a prat etc. Get to laptop ASAP. Sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't.
So, there you go. Sad bstrd? I reckon it's the coolest job in the world.
This post has been edited by an administrator |
Fckin hell Clive, we are not worthy!! Legend…like others have said the pre/post match reviews are such an important part if my life, sad fck that I am
 |  | | |
| Clive's Report on 12:33 - Oct 26 with 853 views | NewYorkRanger |
| Clive's Report on 11:35 - Oct 26 by Northernr |
Ok...
1 - Notes during the game. Used to be on a bookies slip with one of those little pens they gave you, now on my phone. Depending on Peroni intake these can either be quite insightful or completely illegible come Sunday morning.
2 - Big long conversations/arguments in the Crown afterwards, hear what everybody else thought, man of the match etc. You can listen to these when Jaz does Awaydays podcasts on the Patreon - another one coming from Southampton this weekend. I'll give the match thread and just backs on here a look as well to vibe the situation.
3 - I'll have a listen to Stephan's post match stuff on the tube home. There will often be some sort of interaction with Jack Supple around this time as well, when was the last time the QPR goalkeeper wore a bobble hat etc etc. He's unfailingly polite and useful when I'd probably tell me to pis off cos it's the middle of the night.
4 - Sunday morning- Large bacon sandwich with a lot of sauce and the EFL highlights show. Crop and load the pictures if we've been delivered some (a total ball ache), do all the lay out (the bottom bit with the numbers and links basically) then transfer the notes from the phone into a Word document followed by a couple of watch throughs of our extended highlights to check what I thought happened against what actually happened. I'll have a scan through the stats sites and see if anything stands out - the Edwards and Madsen numbers from West Ham, for example. Have a first throw at some player ratings of my own. These then get modified as the day goes on, by taking in views from the board, looking how the interactive ratings have gone, and visiting the opposition's websites to see who they thought was particularly good or bad for them. Somebody will still inevitably think a 6 for Harvey Vale is outrageous.
5 - My better half and I will then go and have a Sunday together. Usually a long walk or a train ride somewhere and a fat dinner. We like to try and do bits of London, or outside, that we haven't been before. Went to Whitstable last week, it was fcking lovely. There'll be no QPR, or talk of QPR, for the afternoon, but I'll often have a chat with a couple of you off here on the phone to see what they thought, Nick London is often good to bounce things off as we quite often disagree or see things slightly differently, Brian McCarthy is absolutely golden when I'm on the verge of sticking my head in the oven. I get A LOT of WhatsApp traffic on a Sunday morning if we've won 5-0.
6 - Hopefully by the time we get home there'll be an angle there. The angle is the hardest bit. If that isn't there it can be a long night staring at a blank screen (these are the ones that sometimes don't make it until Monday morning). If you see me pacing around Greenwich Park on a Sunday night, that's what I'm doing. Handy if there's an obvious moment from the game to hang it on - the Kieran Morgan last minute winner match report. If not, context angle - set it against what's gone before this season, or a historical comparison. Super power one, I can basically recall every detail of every game this fcking club has played for the last 30 years, so there's almost always one of those you can fall back on - the Jan Stejskal penalty save match report. And if all that fails then just go completely left field - the long night in Prague match report. Super power two - once it's in my head I can spill it onto page stupidly quickly. https://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/
7 - Add in the jokes and the popular culture references. There is an enormous and frankly batsht crazy file of all these on my phone, picked up through veracious consumption of books, films and TV, but also I'm blessed with some very funny friends and sit between Simmo and Seann Walsh at the game who are funny fckers. 9/10 times your favourite joke in the report was written by Simmo, who should really be doing it for a living. If it's a longer sketch, like the infamous Kitchen Nightmares match preview...
https://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/
... then that's usually been worked up with a couple of writers James and Josh, about whom you know nothing and we should probably keep it that way but they're fcking brilliant.
8 - CTRL+F, search for "fck" and "cnt" and remove at least half of those or it'll be tea with the Rabbi again (another story). Try and keep the dick jokes and catastrophic Ronnie Edwards horniness down to a dull roar (failed this weekend). I've got a few ticks as well, like saying 'of course' all the time and starting sentences with "but" a lot, so check and make sure there aren't 17 bloody examples of 'of course' in there and then have a 10-15 minute crisis of confidence about what a sht writer I am which can usually be settled down by opening a bottle of wine. Remove any example of treating one opinion from one weirdo on Twitter like it's in any way representative no matter how much it's triggered me (bit guilty of this in the past, Andy/Jeff is trying to coax some personal growth out of me). If we're being critical, seek second and third (and fourth and fifth) opinions before publishing. People get A LOT of WhatsApp traffic from me on a Sunday night if we've lost 5-0.
9 - Proof the life out of it, often after posting because for some reason I see the mistakes a lot clearer on site than I do on Word - so it's often best to read it about an hour after it's posted because it'll change quite a bit sometimes in that time. However thoroughly this is done, I will always wake up to a text from Ozzie Nick about a rogue semicolon. He seems to find this amusing. Post the links on socials once I'm happy with it.
10 - Sweep through the 300/400 emails that have come in for the day job over the rest of that wine so I'm ready to hit the ground running at 6.30 Monday morning.
11 - Sleep. Wake up with an enormous adrenaline pumping anxiety that I've said something I shouldn't have, gone over the top, upset everyone, made myself look a prat etc. Get to laptop ASAP. Sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't.
So, there you go. Sad bstrd? I reckon it's the coolest job in the world.
This post has been edited by an administrator |
Really interesting to read this. The quality of output suggests this isn't a walk in the park (no pun intended) but this is what I believe is referred to as 'levels.'
Thanks for sharing details of the process. I, like many others, always look forward to your reports (and previews) no matter what the result. Knowing what's gone into it in more detail will enhance the enjoyment I reckon.
Quick q if I may - I've occasionally noticed references to song titles in your writing;(I'm looking at you Deep Purple and The Scorpions) - are these always there and I usually miss them or are things that you just lob in occasionally when you feel like it? |  |
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| Clive's Report on 13:00 - Oct 26 with 771 views | TwoHalves |
Won’t quote the piece again to save space, but just to say I’ve had to have a lie down after reading it. Talk about going the extra mile. Quite remarkable and a thoroughly interesting insight into the process.
I do have one criticism though, which relates to point 4 (Sunday morning): You talk about having a bacon sandwich - so far, so good - ‘with lots of sauce’.
Now this raises more questions than answers and I don’t mind admitting I’m not entirely clear about one fundamental point: would this be red sauce or brown sauce?
I think we should be told. |  | | |
| Clive's Report on 13:04 - Oct 26 with 760 views | BristolR |
| Clive's Report on 13:00 - Oct 26 by TwoHalves |
Won’t quote the piece again to save space, but just to say I’ve had to have a lie down after reading it. Talk about going the extra mile. Quite remarkable and a thoroughly interesting insight into the process.
I do have one criticism though, which relates to point 4 (Sunday morning): You talk about having a bacon sandwich - so far, so good - ‘with lots of sauce’.
Now this raises more questions than answers and I don’t mind admitting I’m not entirely clear about one fundamental point: would this be red sauce or brown sauce?
I think we should be told. |
And can mustard be considered a sauce? | | | |
| Clive's Report on 13:26 - Oct 26 with 680 views | thehat |
| Clive's Report on 11:35 - Oct 26 by Northernr |
Ok...
1 - Notes during the game. Used to be on a bookies slip with one of those little pens they gave you, now on my phone. Depending on Peroni intake these can either be quite insightful or completely illegible come Sunday morning.
2 - Big long conversations/arguments in the Crown afterwards, hear what everybody else thought, man of the match etc. You can listen to these when Jaz does Awaydays podcasts on the Patreon - another one coming from Southampton this weekend. I'll give the match thread and just backs on here a look as well to vibe the situation.
3 - I'll have a listen to Stephan's post match stuff on the tube home. There will often be some sort of interaction with Jack Supple around this time as well, when was the last time the QPR goalkeeper wore a bobble hat etc etc. He's unfailingly polite and useful when I'd probably tell me to pis off cos it's the middle of the night.
4 - Sunday morning- Large bacon sandwich with a lot of sauce and the EFL highlights show. Crop and load the pictures if we've been delivered some (a total ball ache), do all the lay out (the bottom bit with the numbers and links basically) then transfer the notes from the phone into a Word document followed by a couple of watch throughs of our extended highlights to check what I thought happened against what actually happened. I'll have a scan through the stats sites and see if anything stands out - the Edwards and Madsen numbers from West Ham, for example. Have a first throw at some player ratings of my own. These then get modified as the day goes on, by taking in views from the board, looking how the interactive ratings have gone, and visiting the opposition's websites to see who they thought was particularly good or bad for them. Somebody will still inevitably think a 6 for Harvey Vale is outrageous.
5 - My better half and I will then go and have a Sunday together. Usually a long walk or a train ride somewhere and a fat dinner. We like to try and do bits of London, or outside, that we haven't been before. Went to Whitstable last week, it was fcking lovely. There'll be no QPR, or talk of QPR, for the afternoon, but I'll often have a chat with a couple of you off here on the phone to see what they thought, Nick London is often good to bounce things off as we quite often disagree or see things slightly differently, Brian McCarthy is absolutely golden when I'm on the verge of sticking my head in the oven. I get A LOT of WhatsApp traffic on a Sunday morning if we've won 5-0.
6 - Hopefully by the time we get home there'll be an angle there. The angle is the hardest bit. If that isn't there it can be a long night staring at a blank screen (these are the ones that sometimes don't make it until Monday morning). If you see me pacing around Greenwich Park on a Sunday night, that's what I'm doing. Handy if there's an obvious moment from the game to hang it on - the Kieran Morgan last minute winner match report. If not, context angle - set it against what's gone before this season, or a historical comparison. Super power one, I can basically recall every detail of every game this fcking club has played for the last 30 years, so there's almost always one of those you can fall back on - the Jan Stejskal penalty save match report. And if all that fails then just go completely left field - the long night in Prague match report. Super power two - once it's in my head I can spill it onto page stupidly quickly. https://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/
7 - Add in the jokes and the popular culture references. There is an enormous and frankly batsht crazy file of all these on my phone, picked up through veracious consumption of books, films and TV, but also I'm blessed with some very funny friends and sit between Simmo and Seann Walsh at the game who are funny fckers. 9/10 times your favourite joke in the report was written by Simmo, who should really be doing it for a living. If it's a longer sketch, like the infamous Kitchen Nightmares match preview...
https://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/
... then that's usually been worked up with a couple of writers James and Josh, about whom you know nothing and we should probably keep it that way but they're fcking brilliant.
8 - CTRL+F, search for "fck" and "cnt" and remove at least half of those or it'll be tea with the Rabbi again (another story). Try and keep the dick jokes and catastrophic Ronnie Edwards horniness down to a dull roar (failed this weekend). I've got a few ticks as well, like saying 'of course' all the time and starting sentences with "but" a lot, so check and make sure there aren't 17 bloody examples of 'of course' in there and then have a 10-15 minute crisis of confidence about what a sht writer I am which can usually be settled down by opening a bottle of wine. Remove any example of treating one opinion from one weirdo on Twitter like it's in any way representative no matter how much it's triggered me (bit guilty of this in the past, Andy/Jeff is trying to coax some personal growth out of me). If we're being critical, seek second and third (and fourth and fifth) opinions before publishing. People get A LOT of WhatsApp traffic from me on a Sunday night if we've lost 5-0.
9 - Proof the life out of it, often after posting because for some reason I see the mistakes a lot clearer on site than I do on Word - so it's often best to read it about an hour after it's posted because it'll change quite a bit sometimes in that time. However thoroughly this is done, I will always wake up to a text from Ozzie Nick about a rogue semicolon. He seems to find this amusing. Post the links on socials once I'm happy with it.
10 - Sweep through the 300/400 emails that have come in for the day job over the rest of that wine so I'm ready to hit the ground running at 6.30 Monday morning.
11 - Sleep. Wake up with an enormous adrenaline pumping anxiety that I've said something I shouldn't have, gone over the top, upset everyone, made myself look a prat etc. Get to laptop ASAP. Sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't.
So, there you go. Sad bstrd? I reckon it's the coolest job in the world.
This post has been edited by an administrator |
Thanks for the intel Clive - Incredible (but not surprising) how much work goes into getting all these masterpieces posted for every game for every season.
You are very much appreciated mate - It really makes following our beloved hoops through the good, the bad and ugly so much better and dare I say it helps with our wellbeing too.
We often say on the way home “can’t wait for Clive's report”
A true legend amongst us retired cab drivers…… | | | |
| Clive's Report on 13:38 - Oct 26 with 637 views | DavieQPR |
Must be awkward trying to write a match report with a massive hangover. |  | | |
| Clive's Report on 15:33 - Oct 26 with 471 views | trebor67 |
You are an absolute legend Clive. We are so lucky you devote so much of your time, energy and 'super powers' to QPR. Love reading your previews, reports etc. Thank you. | | | |
| Clive's Report on 22:51 - Oct 26 with 254 views | nix |
| Clive's Report on 11:59 - Oct 26 by EuroRanger |
Bang on. Well said LB.
@Nix same for me. When I was working in a bar in Montpellier I would spend much of the interminable Sunday evening chatting to the regulars and surreptitiously refreshing LFW. With the hour ahead I would often read it at the end of my shift! [Post edited 26 Oct 12:03]
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Nothing to do with Clive’s report but working in a bar in Montpelier sounds impossibly glamorous.
A teeny bit jealous. |  | | |
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| Clive's Report on 22:56 - Oct 26 with 237 views | silky |
Lol, you say "Sad Bast'd" we say "Absolute Hero"
Amazing Intel and thank for taking the time to reply in detail.
I do have 1 more question, as you pasted a few articles in your reply.
Do you have a favourite preview or report of yours you've ever written?
Yet again, thanks mate. ❤️ |  |
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| Clive's Report on 05:04 - Oct 27 with 89 views | EuroRanger |
| Clive's Report on 22:51 - Oct 26 by nix |
Nothing to do with Clive’s report but working in a bar in Montpelier sounds impossibly glamorous.
A teeny bit jealous. |
It sounds a lot more glamorous than it was! But I did manage to convert them into showing R's games on quieter days and even had a few French punters cheering us on vs West Brom and Leeds 😂 | | | |
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