Close, but no fourth round cigar for QPR who suffered their annual FA Cup third round exit in fairly agonising circumstances in front of an enormous travelling support at West Ham on Sunday.

In 1949, to keep his younger writers in check and guide them, the legendary Warner Bros animator Chuck Jones wrote a list of nine commandments to which they must abide when creating storylines for the Wile E Coyote and Road Runner characters.

Rule nine, for example, the Coyote is always more humiliated than physically hurt by his failures. Rule five, the Road Runner must stay on the road, otherwise why would he be called Road Runner? Rule two, no outside force can harm the Coyote, only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products. Rule eight, wherever possible make gravity the Coyote’s greatest enemy. Rule one, The Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going 'Beep-Beep!'

So followed 76 years of childhood fun and frivolity, slapstick comedy and old-fashioned good times.

It’s important in any creative endeavour to have these guiding principles. Start work on any newspaper and you’ll be handed that publication’s style guide. Lots of monotonous pedantry about all numbers under ten being written out in full, what form of clock to use when mentioning a time, whether you cap job titles and so on, intermingled with the chief sub’s own personal gripes and grievances. New Telegraph sports hacks are told to avoid telling the reader to “strap themselves in” because “we want people to be excited, but it’s not a bloody rollercoaster.”

If such a tome existed for LFW in physical form rather than the dark recesses of my mind I guess rule one would read something a little like this. Do what you like. The more quotes from The Simpsons, Frasier, The Thick Of It, the better. Eight-par drop intro comparing a midweek defeat at Bolton Wanderers to season one episode three of Air Crash Investigation where the pilot tries to complete the landing checklist with the cockpit well ablaze? Knock yourself out. Gratuitous, spurious mention of a dead relative? Love it. But QPR cannot win in the FA Cup. They can get promoted or relegated. They can be bought by a billionaire (or three). They can sign the Brazilian World Cup goalkeeper. They can go bust. You can try and shoot the chairman during a home game, if you like. Nothing is off the table. But they can’t win in the FA Cup.

The only creative freedom allowed in this area is the many calamitous ways in which the exit may occur. Humbling defeats to lower league opponents – Fleetwood perhaps, or frequently MK Dons – fine, if a little lacking in imagination. Humiliation at the hands of a non-league outfit – Vauxhall Motors maybe, throw in a few lines about them being disappointed it went to extra time because they were on shift in the morning – better. Send them to Blackburn Rovers, repeatedly, until it’s happened so often it comes all the way through boredom and outright fucking irritation back into being funny again, like a Ross Noble sketch. Do feel free to have fun with it, but they have to lose the tie. Take liberties with an ancient script, but Hamlet must die in the end.

Sure enough, come full time on third round weekend 2026, Rangers were out again. Make that now a record breaking 54 exits at this stage of the competition, including 17 of the last 22 seasons. Only two trips to the fifth round since 1997, and only two goes further than that since reaching the final in 1982. Only one away win in the cup since the turn of the century, and that way back in 2013.

This year’s demise did at least come with a good deal more pride, on and off the field, than the standard gob bumming by Peterborough United. Drawn away at fellow London side West Ham, a first meeting between the sides since 2015, it gave Rangers a chance to play at the Crestfield Wax Paper Olympic Megadome for the first time. The good people of Shepherd’s Bush duly sold out the allocated 9,000 tickets in an afternoon, and set about hoovering up swathes of the home end, keen to settle once and for all the question of who has the best Westfield? Threats circulated on the internet about what would happen if you dared to "come in their entrance". Goodness, I was hoping for a pie and a pint, but okay.

On the pitch, this was a similar draw to a year ago. Leicester City were cantering out of the Premier League with ruthless efficiency when the bowl of balls sent us up the East Midlands mainline in search of an upset – the Foxes, at that stage, on a remarkable run of nine consecutive home league defeats in which they failed to score a single goal. Several thousand made the journey, hopes were high of that rare and beautiful thing, and then in a dense fog that should surely have seen the game postponed and with shards of ice dislodged by a pre-match flame thrower soaking and imperilling the away end in equal measure, Rangers lost 6-2. Like I say, have fun with it, but QPR cannot win in the FA Cup.

West Ham look every bit as poor as that City side. Third bottom and seven adrift of safety after damaging Christmas defeats to rivals Wolves and Forest, the Hammers will have had as many managers as wins if Nuno Espirito Santo falls on his sword as expected in the coming week. Their forthcoming tie with the almost equally hapless Spurs will be more goat rodeo than fierce local derby. The cup would seem to be a very low priority for a side surely Championship bound with 17 games left to play. By contrast, QPR were stung by criticism of that debacle against Leicester, and a similar farce in August where a creche in hoops contrived to throw away a two-goal lead to lose in the League Cup at lowly Plymouth – none of the children involved seen or heard from again since. There was serious intent at the club to give the FA Cup a good swing whatever the draw threw at them, and you’d have backed almost any other Championship club to stage an upset here in these circumstances. But, at the risk of repeating myself…

You certainly couldn’t fault the effort or application of Julian Stéphan’s side. They gave absolutely everything they had, no doubt. As promised, the Frenchman picked the strongest team available to him – albeit far from the best team he could have fielded had last week’s homer with Sheff Wed, where Rangers appeared to be battling their own abysmal playing surface as much as the opposition, not claimed four victims before half time.

Joe Walsh’s recall in goal for the first time since his torturous August and subsequent broken wrist was possibly the exception to that, but the young stopper rewarded his manager and put his hand back up for inclusion in the bizarre goalkeeper rotation at Loftus Road with an excellent display. Four saves kept out Crysencio Summerville, new Hammers signing Valentin Castellanos, sub Tomas Soucek and, most impressively of all, Summerville a second time – the first and fourth of those efforts really top notch, one handed saves when the shots looked in for all money.

Jimmy Dunne led the side with an old-fashioned centre back display. The only one who has maintained his levels through a difficult Christmas, Dunne heaved himself through 120 minutes of football, chucking anything and everything he had in front of whatever West Ham had to throw at him and whenever they did so. A block with the foot, and then with the face, from two efforts by Castellanos had the West Ham man reaching for the sky in exasperation. Steve Cook alongside him was in full on head it and kick it mode, rolling back the years.

Isaac Hayden gave his best performance of the season in central midfield, showing all of his experience and nous of such situations, and Nicolas Madsen again showed glimpses that perhaps there might be a saleable asset in there after all.

Up front there was toil and trouble from Richard Kone against a West Ham back three upon which they’ve spent £90m+ in the last two years, and Rayan Kolli gave further hints to his promise against the Premier League side that once tried to sign him. There was a moment in the second half running towards us where a long ball up to Kolli with two defenders on him saw him bring it out of the air immaculately, turn one of the markers and beat the other, and accelerate away into space. That was proper. He desperately needs to get fit and get three months of football into him while we miss Rumarn Burrell.

Roared on by a fabulous travelling support, the West Londoners were rewarded for a period of sustained pressure in the second half with the goal the faithful behind the goal craved. Rayan Kolli’s flick back to Karamoko Dembele for a touch and, for once, accurate cross, which Kone flicked beyond Hermansen and into the corner of the net with a shampoo combination of head and shoulder to send the away end into absolute delirium. Hug a stranger. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria. And for the first time in about a quarter of a century, belief the curse may be about to evaporate.

At that point it really looked on. West Ham wilting. Home crowd silence threatening to turn into anger directed at the own players, manager and particularly board members. Hoops in full cry and travelling fans in throaty voice. You could just see one more creeping in late in the day. If only something would drop, or somebody produce a moment of magic or madness. Kolli dribbled along the byline but looked more bothered about winning a penalty than creating a chance. The Algerian snatched at another chance. Paul Smyth improvised another into the near post, deflected wide. Come on. Please. Sometimes it’s written. Let that time be today. I’ve got relatives I would have sacrificed for another goal here. Not distant ones either. Wan-Bissaka, Castellanos and Magassa all saw yellow for bad tackles as the hosts started letting it get to them.

The second goal never game. Nor did the victory and, as usual, it was a failure of many fathers – some preventable, and in our hands, others not, and not.

The first half was a pretty turgid affair, typical half-paced Sunday lunchtime stuff between two tired sides forced to kick off at weird and wonderful times to suit overlord broadcasters. The first of the Walsh saves, and a Karamoko Dembele free kick skied hopelessly over the bar, the sum total of events. Rayan Kolli headed the first corner of the game wide when he might have done better. That suited Stéphan’s side down to the ground but having set up to keep things tight and the scoreline in check until half time it was deeply frustrating to do exactly that to the letter and then concede in the tenth minute of stoppage time. Summerville’s finish off Magassa’s assist a failure in communication and concentration at the back for Rangers, but also scored a minute beyond the time referee Thomas Kirk has said he would play after a prolonged stoppage for a head injury to Mavropanos.

That typical of a refereeing performance which screamed young Premier League official at big Premier League ground. With the score at 1-1, the Wilmslow referee’s keenness to keep things moving and to time stretched as far as Joe Walsh being penalised for hanging onto the ball too long with the award of a corner. The very second West Ham went 2-1 up this desire evaporated completely, and the Hammers were able to take as long as they liked over whatever they fancied. (That all said, Mbengue perhaps lucky to only see yellow for a typically cheerful clear out of Max Kilman's shins).

The home side, for all their troubles, also had those extra little bits of quality you’d expect of a team that has spent £589m on players since 2022. Unfortunately, that was also stationed in areas where QPR are weakest. Rhys Norrington-Davies had just about hung onto Jarrod Bowen’s coattails, but poor Sam Field wasn’t able to do the same when pressed into service out of position. The energy and engine on Bowen, right to the very last, was something to behold in the flesh. Summerville may have been a poor signing for the Irons, one goal in 38 appearances over two years, but he was outstanding in the Championship at Leeds and when Jimmy Dunne sailed out into deep water wide on the right the Dutchman skinned him comprehensively and crossed for Castellanos to head in unchallenged. Dunne, who’d tried his heart out and played so well, was inconsolable at full time. Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing at all.

Fine margins, and little bits of quality where needed, but the third issue is the one that’s going to be a problem for QPR for the next few weeks at least – the physical condition of the squad. The first time Rangers were actually able to build pressure for ten minutes the Hammers cracked immediately and conceded, but we didn’t have the legs to go and do that again when it felt like Santo’s team were screaming to be nudged over the edge into this week’s West Ham crisis state.

QPR are losing players to muscle injuries at a frightening rate post Christmas – Koki Saito lasted just 18 minutes. Already without Liam Morrison, top scorer Rumarn Burrell, main defensive midfielder Jonathan Varane, headline summer acquisition Kwame Poku, Ilias Chair, Jake Clarke-Salter… it left Rangers with nothing of any use at all on the bench and absolutely out on their feet by full time.

Ordinarily that still would have been enough for a draw, a mouth-watering televised replay in front of a full house and live TV audience under the lights at Loftus Road next week, and a standing ovation for a job well done. But, of course, all those pesky replays were getting in the way of all the vital European group games, “warm weather training” in Dubai and “post-season tours” to Australia so, for player welfare reasons, they’ve been scrapped in favour of dragging exhausted bodies through another 30 minutes of football and potentially a penalty shoot out after Christmas. What hope smaller clubs and squads had of causing upsets further diminished at the behest of the big boys. It was very clear Rangers’ best hope of victory from 90 onwards was successfully eeking it out to a shoot out. As West Ham brought on Soucek, Rodrigues and Walker-Peters so Stéphan could only respond with Daniel Bennie, Keeley Adamson and Kieran Morgan. It was a creditable, brave effort in those circumstances that came up agonisingly short.

This physical conditioning point is going to be a big one for the next month or so, though, and certainly something the club most improve for next season if they’re to push on up the league towards the play-offs. As ever, there’s been a deal of bad luck involved, and contact injuries happen in a physical sport – although only Burrell of the five we’ve lost this week had anybody near him when it happened and even that one looked like a very standard hamstring bust. There are stats about how hamstring and soft tissue injuries are through the roof in the Championship, as five subs makes the game faster, more physical, with more short bursts and sprints than ever before. The effect of QPR’s fixture list this year, littered with long distance double aways, and a particularly ridiculous Christmas period of four games in nine days, will also be cited and quite rightly too. None of this is made up. It’s not fair, on fans or players. You might even get told, as at this year’s fans forum, that our availability is improving across all age groups and our injury problems are exaggerated. But the simple, harsh, truth is we’ve lost in the first round of both cup competitions this year in part because, for whatever reason you choose, the team was not physically able to compete with the opponent for the duration of the tie. West Ham had a (big) Tuesday game prior to this as well, which we didn't.

We can make excuses, we can moan, we can blame people, we can have a go at each other, we can point fingers, but we can’t be sitting here next year saying the same thing if we want to progress up and out of this league or through rounds of cup competitions. The sport is not going to get any less physical, the fixture list any kinder, or Christmas any less congested between now and then. Nobody will feel sorry for us. There will be four games in nine days this time next year as well. It’s up to the brains trust at QPR to find solutions. We can’t have a squad, and a pitch, as busted as this by mid-January. We now go to Stoke missing, conservative estimate eight first teamers.

It felt like it only would have needed a couple of them – one Clarke-Salter, one Varane, one Burrell, just a couple more senior pros on the bench even - and we’d have been right there. Instead, the winning goal felt as inevitable as the annual third round exit.

Pride and disappointment in equal mix. Impossible not to feel for the players looking at them at full time having poured everything they had into it for no reward. Emotional looking at Jimmy Dunne’s face, and seeing the unanimous reaction of that huge travelling support to their team. But Hamlet did, indeed, die in the end.

Rule three: The Coyote could stop anytime — if he were not a fanatic. (Repeat: 'A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim.' – George Santayana).

Links >>> Ratings and Reports >>> Message Board Match Thread

West Ham: Hermansen 6; Todibo 5, Mavropanos 5 (Pablo 46, 5), Kilman 5; Wan-Bissaka 4 (Walker-Peters 90, 6), Magassa 5 (Soucek 70, 7), Potts 5, Mayers 6 (Scarles 90, 5); Bowen 7, Castellanos 7 (Rodrigues 111, -), Summerville 8

Subs not used: Golambeckis, Herrick, Irving, Kante

Goals: Summerville 45+10 (assisted Magassa), Castellanos 98 (assisted Summerville)

Yellow Cards: Magassa 57 (foul), Wan-Bissaka 59 (foul), Rosdriguez 111 (foul)

QPR: Walsh 7; Mbengue 6 (Adamson 100, 5), Dunne 7, Cook 7, Norrington-Davies 6 (Field 83, 5); Dembele 5 (Bennie 83, 5), Madsen 6, Hayden 7, Saito 5 (Smyth 18, 6); Kone 6, Kolli 7 (Morgan 93, 6)

Subs not used: Akindileni, Hamer, Esquerdinha, Smith

Goals: Kone 65 (assisted Dembele)

Bookings: Mbengue 54 (foul), Kone 69 (foul), Kolli 75 (foul)

QPR Star Man – Joe Walsh 7 Big return to the side with four saves, two of them excellent. Would have been Jimmy Dunne but for his part in the second, winning goal.

Referee – Thomas Kirk (Wilmslow) 5 New, young Premier League referee at a big Premier League ground. The different approaches to respective time-wasting tactics between the score being 1-1 and 2-1 in West Ham’s favour was poor.

Attendance – 58,669 (9,000 QPR approx.) A timely reminder, for all its flaws, of what a wonderful thing we have at Loftus Road. Out of the boozer 20 minutes before kick off and in your seat for the teams coming out. Transport, pubs, food, all right on the doorstep. No kettling, no queues, no barriers, no airport style security strip searches over and over and over again, no “Brewdog DJ booth” and straight out afterwards after 90 minutes spent right on top of the action in an intimate, old-school atmosphere. Treasure it. If I had to come here every week for my football… well, that’s the point, I wouldn’t.

If you enjoy LoftforWords, please consider supporting the site through a subscription to our Patreon or tip us via our PayPal account loftforwords@yahoo.co.uk.

Pictures - Reuters Connect

Recent Stories