| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. 07:39 - May 6 with 5805 views | Discodroids |
Apologies for the Ronnie Corbett Soliloquy, but I was on the phone to my old man yesterday who is in the middle of a heavy drinking session in the West ham football working mans club .(pushes glasses up nose) He reminded me of the only time he ever took drugs that were not crushed underfoot or brewed in a chemical vat of toxic chemicals,emulsifiers , hops and yeast .
I picked the old rascal up my along with his mate on a bleak cold December day from a Concrete industrial estate Dachau in Barking , probably late 90's. As was the spirit of the times in those days i always had a golden ticket on me( gram of beak ) .(pushes glasses up nose) The old man had already had a few jags in him via some Brewery tied shithouse Bunker on the estate , and was well game by the time i picked him up.
He was going on and on about all that purple heart/black bomber/ Dexy Shit from the 60's at the whisky a go go , and how shit things are these days with Charlie a "a fcking Baroque banquet Bourgeoisie and middle class pursuit" as he put it. Bored shitless with his boorish, oafish droning and unappreciative manner for picking him up cause he was fcking legless, i slung him the wrap .
He managed to spill half of it all over the back of the motor the clumsy cnt, but at some point, did gain purchase and traction on a poodles leg. He declared it benign and that he used to get the" proper stuff off Chris Stamp , stevie marriot , kit lambert and Ronnie Lane in tin pan alley 1970"...... 90 seconds later he was higher than the Cholera infected water tanks on top of the surrounding Council Concentration camp tower blocks on the estate.. describing in great details his sexual exploits with stephine de sykes and threading the stringy bit of lyndsey de pauls Labia through his teeth as well as other sexual acts performed on sundry women, inc my mother(My mate was in the car with me). What a cnt. I slung the old git out on the A13 with his oppo.
(pushes glasses up nose)Realising the error of his ways my Dad faced down his demons and bravely engaged in street by street, hand to hand combat with his brief flirtation with the Kib (Charlie) by continuing his lifelong association with alcohol , procured in every low life, petri dish pisshole east end pub that has yet to flattened and turned into a Mosk , Flats or dixy fried chicken shop .And do you know what, ive never been closer to the slippery old sodl. Bleedin' embarrassing though!
Top that !
[Post edited 6 May 2016 7:58]
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| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 09:55 - May 7 with 1851 views | Pommyhoop |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 08:00 - May 7 by Pommyhoop |
Right a quick background for m embarrassing moment.
Twas the late 80's and I was about 23. I was back at my Mums and Dads and they generously let my GF at the time live with me untill we sorted out a flat together. Also living there at the time was one of my Dad's friends who had just come over from Ireland. Yeah Seamus was like the lodger.
Another vital piece of this story is the downstairs shower room complete with toilet and Bidet ( dont ask , think my Mum was doing her Hyance Bucket impression)..No one used it..
Back then late 80's early 90's the craic was very good as the posters of a certain age ( talking Frankie Thread lads) will know .Well one weekend I had been partying non stop , no kip for nearly 2 days. Not in the same place , Friday went all the way through ( the24 hrs market traders bar at Western International) then home for quick SSS and back out down the local to carry on.
Anyway eventually I was back at home with the GF. When we walked in Seamus was still up watching some film or another.
Jump to Sunday morning. I woke up with the horrible dry mouth and went downstairs to sort it out. While I was down there I needed a slash so I went into the downstairs toilet. There in the Bidet was a perfect log with both slightly curled ends touching the walls of the bidet. Eurrgh Seamus you dirty bastard , I thought and went upstairs.
My GF was awake by now and I told her what I had seen and Seamus had better sort it out. She looked at me with eyes that screamed ''you stupid c'nt'' . ''Dont you remember what you did last night?'' .She proceeded to tell me. Apparently she left for bed and I had said ''I'll be up in a mo mate''
After about an hour I still hadn't came up to bed and she came down to see what was up. I was starkers on the couch curled up in a ball and Seamus was in the other chair watching the TV . WTF she said. Seamus told her that I had gone to toilet and come back without a stitch on and proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. So she woke me up and she said that I walked over to the TV turned it off and then did a big yawn and stretch right in front of Seamus. Starkers..She then told me that it would'nt have been so bad but you had a proper little E willie.I put 2 and 2 together and ran downstairs to sort out the log in the bidet. Luckily it was a nice healthy one and could be dispatched in newspaper.. |
I lie the most embarrassing moment in my life came at a much earlier age. When I was younger I did Irish Dancing.I'm talking pre 10 here fellas. Anyway we were getting ready for the Feis and my Mum was sorting out the ringlets in my Sister's hair. My Mum decided that my Sister needed new laces for her soft dancing pumps. So I was given the task of going down to the cobblers/ keycutters down the road to procure said laces..
I'm talking Chiswick High rd from Linden Gardens to Turnham Green. Me all dressed up ready for the Dancing .Yes I had a kilt on ..a dress ..a skirt.I pleaded with her , no please dont send me. Please..No good A stressed out mother of an Irish Dancing champion is not someone you mess with ( my Sister was the champion not me ).
I tell you what a serial killer was nearly created that day... |  |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 20:28 - May 7 with 1643 views | HollowayRanger |
as it goes thought of a worse one of mine
I had a pain in my balls for weeks and thought crap going to need it checked out as feels a tad lumpy
problem was my family doctor is female and a family friend no way did I want to see her like that ,lucky thing was she took Thursdays off and they have a locum stand in for her ,anyhow I make sure I see the locum
Christ fittest student babe of a doctor ever just my type (bit like this) 
damm I had to make stuff up about having a sore neck but then finally owned up to my real pain (ok lets have a look at them!) as she puts on these gloves , dammm people pay good money for this kind of shit and I couldn't even enjoy it
oh also had to have a camera put down my penis as I had a bladder problem that needed exploring ,laid out naked on the bed with these two doctors and 8 yes 8 student nurses watching and giggling
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 23:30 - May 7 with 1571 views | distortR |
Man City quite a few years ago. Group of us got in a taxi and asked the driver to take us to a safe pub near the ground (Maine Road). So he drops us off and we enter a barn of a pub with a few garden seats inside and a clientele that was exclusively black.
No problem, we thought, we had a black lad with us and no-one was bothered when we went in.
We got the drinks in and all's good, then this big bloke comes over to me.
"Black" he says.
I nod my head.
"Black" he says again.
I nod my head again.
"Black" he says a third time.
"Yes mate, no problem, whatever" I say, a bit flummoxed.
"Nooooo, you want to buy some?".
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 00:36 - May 8 with 1540 views | PunteR |
I was at Peach Camden Palace, Friday night about 4am 1997,say no more. . I was in one of the rooms upstairs walking across the dance floor when i saw this fella walking towards me that looked familiar , i couldn't quite place who he was but the next thing i know ..Bang ..flat out on the floor.
I'd only just walked into a massive mirror that was hanging on the wall on the side of the dance floor ... My mates watched me do it laughing their heads off. Some girl helped me up.
There must be some health and safety law about hanging mirrors around dance floors at clubs and raves these days..
Daddy Cool..  |  |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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