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LFW Look a likes.
at 22:58 2 Feb 2024

I know Paul parker on here said modestly , he looked like Brad Pitt when he was younger when he had all his hair, but having met him , i think he looked more like Archie from 'Only when i laugh'. only without the crushed velvet pyjamas

Fred man Rave looks like Bodie from 'the professionals' , Essex taxi reminds me of Tom Bell and L block , Ed Harris. I've never met bazza but from his profile pic he reminds me of Stephen bunting the dart player.

For myself , when i was in my 20's and 30's , it was Gary webster from 'Minder' many , many times... unfortunatley as i've got older it's now Grouty from 'Porridge' .

Heres' me 8/9 years old 1976 . East ham council estate esso blue scum on a Canvey Island Holiday modelling the latest leif garret haircut and Vitas Gerulaitis trackie top. (East ham dave not in picture , as he busy was shagging stephanie de sykes in the club house wearing his long john baldry Tie pin). it was the 70's baby. fu ck me those flares.... i dont know why my hair looks ginger in the photo..must be Polaroid discolouration.

who do you look a like?

[Post edited 2 Feb 23:10]
Terrible/Fantastic Christmas presents.
at 18:41 8 Dec 2023

Christmas eve 1977 ,Ten Years Old.

i was a typical scrap of east end fluff with a basin haircut in a lee majors tracksuit playing football all day round the back of the prefabs and plashet park. Scuffed knees. Snotty Nose. Bed Bugs. Esso Blue parrafin heaters.

I was headbanging to the 'weekend world' theme tune When my posh aunty marjorie from her penthouse in gidea park comes round to our crumbling, mouldering newham council slum midden in east ham, with her husband, (a Hugh lovegrove jenkins ffs ), bearing gifts for the Co Op stamp mob.

I set my eyes on this huge present , and tear into it like a dead eyed smackhead full of want into a liberated pensioners purse, ravenous for a Muhammad Ali blow up boxing punchbag , a 'Superstriker,' a David Nixon magic hat , a 'Superflight deck' ..even a tommy cooper fuc king golf set.

but no, the chiffon and brushed denim habitat Guardian reading w ankers gave me a fuc king wicker chair. a wicker chair to a football mad 10year old from the east end.

the bastard thing wouldn't have looked out of place Suspended from agent derek flints ceiling. I burst into tears , which was probably the wicked fuc kers intentions.

At least It hasn't marked me in anyway at all.

As for the best Xmas present, it would have to be 'Merlin' , 'rebound', 'Simon' and best of all 'Crossfire' , which you cound detach from the game board and shoot ball bearings at your sister while she watched 'Little house on the prairie'
[Post edited 8 Dec 2023 18:48]
Office Xmas parties
at 09:57 7 Dec 2023

office xmas party last night

I can honestly say i'd rather be paralysed with GHB mainlined into my gooch laying on an offcut of MFI underlay in the basement of john wayne gacey's Ranch, while he's on the mooch for hairless puckered arseholes to violate, than go to another .

I'd rather be Hugh Grants walnut turned fleurs-de-lys strap-on plunging helplessley into some sundry Bronx prostitutes dirtbox like a f ucked chernobyl graphite rod , than ever go to another office xmas party. I've had more fun whacking me meatus between two B&Q sanding blocks.

Problem is , i only meet the people i work with a couple of times a year and then we are thrust into a room every december and told to socialise to a soundtrack of Greg lake and Jona louie while being plied with booze. It's like some crazed GDR social experiment at the Trabant works factory.

My hangover is so evil I threw up this morning for the first time since Terry mcCann had furry dice in his Mk2 capri. I've actually got the shakes like Nicholas cage in 'leaving las Vagas'. I'm shuffling about the house like a short eye nonce on E wing with the tea urn.

I just hurled back up two milk thistle tablets and My berroca drink. i'll probably still be processing the toxins for 3 months. My only task today is to take in the 11am shop from ocado. The thought of dealing with this seems gargantuan. Caught a reflection of myself in the mirror. look like Gene hackman on angel dust.

'er indoors is most impressed. Called me a 'peg toothed c unt ' before she left for work.

True Romance.

Think i'll give it a miss next year.


edit; any tips for a hangover?
[Post edited 7 Dec 2023 10:11]
Krups Sub V Phillips Perfect Draft V Blade. Pub Pints at Home.
at 15:41 17 Nov 2023

I've been following Simon on his 'Real Ale Craft Beer'  you tube channel  for a few years,  and purchased a Phillips perfect Draft machine  in 2022 on the back of his reviews in the below video...

A couple of years later and he has  now decided to sell all his pub pint beer machines  as he doesn't use them enough... The price point , Availability , Delivery logistics, and variety of the torps/kegs is becoming problematic.  He reckons that there was a surge in public demand for these machines during covid , while the pubs were shut, and now they're about as popular as Yootha Joyce Toby Jugs.

I still love My Phillips, no complaints,  Pints work out around the £2.85 mark , although i do know a couple of blokes in my local battle cruiser with  the Krups compact  sub who reckon they are about as much use as leather lace up condoms to prevent Gonorrhea on a '70's Dirk Diggler porno shoot.

Has anyone got one of these at home?,  what are your thoughts?  I know there are several other machines on the market. I  was thinking of upgrading at christmas to the Blade  but at £400 i'll have to bite down hard on my gumshield to pay that sort of gelt and then ok it with the Reichsprotektor of Finance i.e 'er indoors.

[Post edited 18 Nov 2023 7:02]
at 09:07 18 Jun 2023

Happy fathers day to all dads on here and now.. and remember the dads we've lost on loft for words over the years who are settling in for a good old kip by the light of their new sun.

i'm Still learning on the job at 55 years old . Put your plates up today Dads and take it easy. Just for one day. You deserve it.
State Of Origin 2023
at 10:22 31 May 2023

Game One. 11am.

This is the only Sporting event remaining that evokes the same level of solar plexus Glow of excitement in me, as the FA Cup final once did as a kid back back in the late 70's and 80's when it was on both chanels from 12-5, with Freddie Starr parading the Wembley turf as Albert Speer in Pat Coombs winceyette bloomers.

Hoping for a NSW Win and looking to see how Canberra Raider Hudson Young goes today.

State of Origin... 'I love this Game Moonpie!'

[Post edited 31 May 2023 10:25]
The Birth of the 12"Single. Extentend 80's New Wave Electronica Synth Pop
at 20:43 27 Apr 2023

I'm Seeing Post John Foxx fronted Ultravox in a couple of days in Southed. 'er Indoors Will insist on dragging me out to socialize When im quite content to revel in my own farraday cage of self pity. God Bless Jo.

.. ..I'm Kind of looking forward to injection moulding My 38" waist , Fat Carcass into some Caharrt Jeans and lava lamp gut into a Red Or Dead polo top only to look like a big breasted petri dish bunk up offspring of Bernard Bresslaw and diana doors in a tank top, but f uck it i'm going out. I'm Going out. Wish Me Luck.

It matters not that i now look like Grouty From 'Porridge' and can wear denis rousseau Kaftans as a snug fit. Im Going out.

Outside of the Chicago House Dojo, 12" singles were unheard of... In the uK, In the Strontiumdog ashes of New Orders floppy disc Die Cut 'Blue Monday' 12" extended masterpiece, acting as the launchpad 39a Of a Electonic/New Wave 12" Vinyl tesseract, A new age was spawned . The 12" Single came to be. Ultravox played their part in the creation of the 12" single.

The golden Age of the 12" . We had it all.

I hope Midge dosent whip out those pointy sideburns. Oh well, driving mini moog baselines , Booze and the love of a good woman. Whats not to love.

Post yourConcrete slabs of 12" wonderment here... Right here Right Now.
[Post edited 27 Apr 2023 21:12]
Songs about Space.
at 18:35 9 Nov 2022

I was really pleased to see in the 'London' Music Thread that my Love , Awe and admiration of the band, Public Service Broadcasting, was shared with the same passion among several of my QPR brothers.

Their Petri dish hybrid splice of Techno, Krautrock, Berlin School, Chemical Beats, ArtRock and electronica sunk to the nuts up mutated strains of Modern English Culture and History , societal autobahns and Human endeavour, Breaks me up emotionally to the solar plexus.

I Saw them at the Troxy last month, and screamed like a 14 year old girl dressed in a Biba Brushed Polyester twin set in a 'Hard Days Night'. I was 55 years old last Friday..

I was First drawn to them with the Track 'Go', A story of the Apollo moon landing cut with samples from the Control Room at Kennedy space center that day with Gene Simmons on Comms.

The song and video brings me to tears everytime i hear it in that it showcases what Human Beings can achieve when working together rather than annihilating each other in bastard wars or worse, making 'Ant and Decs saturday night takeaway' type tv shows as dirty grain skag opium for the masses to consume, as they fret about the coming 7.38am Monday Morning Chingford commute to a work place full of cun ts they despise .

Anyway, Songs about Space....

'Go'... Public Service Broadcasting.

[Post edited 9 Nov 2022 20:56]
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (1979). Staying out of the Boozer. Box Sets.
at 22:44 10 Oct 2022

I can't spend all week in the pubs of Leigh On Sea With 'er indoors away in Alicante for the week. No jobs to do about the House so one has decided to put ones Adidas Munchen up on the Louis XI pouf and purchase the TV Series 1979, Box set of 'Tinker Tailor soldier Spy' on Amazon.

Blitzkreig acting from Alec Guiness, Bernard Hepton and Ian Richardson. I'm 5 episodes in. 3 to go.

I Can't booze it up like i used to.

I once had the capacity of Kit Lambert, but these days after 7 or 8 pints and a couple of chasers, i'm more out of it than Syd Barrett at the whiskey a go go and will probably end up in a pentangle of salt satanic cult in Hati by the end of the week, so i need some box set/ film recommendations to keep me out of the boozer and on the straight and narrow till Friday Night when Jo gets Home.

Ive lined up the' Shadow Line' for tomorrow but after that i'm fked.

[Post edited 10 Oct 2022 22:45]
Benn V Eubank Junior.
at 14:39 7 Oct 2022

Complete, Crystalline, Greed.

I'm not sure if it was The Nixon Watergate Or Teddy Kennedy chappaquiddick Scandel that coined the phrase 'It's never the lie, but the cover up', but never has it been more apt for the fallout from this Bout, following the Conor Benn Positive drug test.

All the persil in the world won't shift the stain from Eddie Hearn and Kalle Sutherland.

Amoral Bestial fiends willing to risk the life of a Warrior in EubanK Jnr for another few quid on top of their rancid pile.

Thank god it was called off.

[Post edited 7 Oct 2022 14:49]
Rugby League World Cup.
at 17:06 30 Sep 2022

England have just Announced their Squad. Looks to me just about the weakest England squad of players i can recall going into a world cup.

The St Helens Quartet of Jonny Lomax, Alex Walmsley, Mark Percival and Lewis Dodd are all injured , while Gareth Widdop, James Roby, Luke Gayle and Jermaine Mcgilvery have all retired from international duty. Josh Hodgson and Liam Farrell both missing as well. Really leaves us light imo.

I think we look weak in every department other than our forward pack although Walmsley is a huge miss. The halves and hookers look terrible. Can't believe Shaun Wane didn't pick Jackson hasting at West tigers. Jake Connors omission to me at least, is shocking.

I watch half a dozen NRL games a week and was dissapointed to see Canberra Raiders Ryan Sutton omitted And wests Oliver Gildart as well albeit after a difficult first NRL season. George Burgess seems to have fallen from the face of the earth at the Bulldogs.

My tips are New Zealand, they have the best forward Pack by a mile and superstar backs in Joesph Manu, Dylan Brown and Jerome Hughes. Canberra Raiders Joe Tapine , Penriths James fisher Harris , Sydney Roosters Jared Waerea-Hargreaves and Melbourne Storms Nelson Asofa-Solomona are the best props on the planet.

Samoa, Tonga and possibly even Fiji, all look stronger on paper than England to me.

The Kangaroos don't look as strong as in previous years especially without Tom trbojevic and ryan papenhuyzen. They still have Latrell Mitchell and James Tedesco, who are in my opinion, the best rugby league players on earth and have some brilliant halves in Cameron Munster and Nathan Cleary, As well as the worlds best lock in Penrith Panthers Issah Yeo, so will still go close.

Still Can't wait though. Rugby League, Love it.

[Post edited 30 Sep 2022 17:30]
Live Gigs you didn't want to go to...
at 16:36 24 Sep 2022

Going to see Kim Wilde tonight in Westcliff, Southend . I literally have less than zero interest in going but promised 'er indoors i would go when the tickets were booked back in December.

I know two of her records. 'kids in America' and 'Cambodia'. I've had a face on like Nelly pledge all afternoon. Bollocks.

As a Beacon of Hope, has anyone been to a gig they were dreading but turned out ok?

The closest i can recall was being made to see Howard Jones 5 years ago. It turned out ok as i got him mixed up with Thomas Dolby.
[Post edited 24 Sep 2022 16:56]
Roxy Music. At 50.
at 18:31 11 Aug 2022

From Art School Rock to Detroit Funk to Yacht Rock to Berlin School Minimoog Experimental, to studio 54 hedonisim , Roxy celebrate 50 years as a Band this week.

When i first saw Ferry At 10 years old on the Old grey whstle test in Gi army unifrom with his tie tucked in between the 3rd and fourth buttons sigining 'Both ends burning' like an unhinged ' B' movie Hollywood Roman Emperor crazed on grape and syphillis , i was hooked.

The print Ferry and Roxy left on my tastebuds was ambrosial and indelible. All the Persil powder in the world could not shift it.

BBC have marked the occassion with the below fan appreciation link. From Nile Rogers who said they copied Roxy after seeing them in'74 and wanted Chic to be 'The Black Roxy Music', to Irvine Welsh, jim Kerr, Midge Ure, Bobby Gillespie, to the sparks, all laying the Love on Roxy with their personal stories...

Have a listen if you're a fan.

Anyway , good excuse to post your favourite Roxy Tracks...

The man is style beyond any known parameters created by the Divine hand of God .

[Post edited 11 Aug 2022 18:35]
Bowie. High Teachings From beyond..
at 15:20 15 Jun 2022

I was sitting in work the other day waiting for the comet halle Bopp to end my bored shitless torment when some bloke i work with, made a round of tea's and this young lad on work experience said 'Awesome' when he was handed the Mug.

He also uses the words , without fear nor favour, 'Sheesh', 'Dumb', Hi', and most unbelievably, 'Sucks'. A lot.

I was about to launch into a blitzkreig rant about Landing on the sea of fecundity in a tin foil space probe being 'awesome', Kubricks '2001' is 'awesome' , Franz Shuberts 'Trio In E flat' is ' awesome'. Dennis Hopper is 'Awesome'. Your very first ecstasy tablet charging through your soul cast from gods fourth rib, Is 'Awesome'... not some thin boned calcium deficent twot in a Average white band t shirt harnessing the power of mixing boiling water, a tea bag, and semi skinned in a Spurs Mug.

What stopped me from my middle aged rampage was the sight of this kids bag, With a dog eared , well worn , and Loved, copy of Bowies' Diamond Dogs' Lp, Sticking out .

Never judge a book by it's Cover you old Git.

Whether you mix Denture-grip eucryl toothpowder into your Horlicks or mainline uncut Peroni into your celiac trunk. Whether you're old enough to remember Bodie's vanderbilt  stonewash or  the Frank Ross Donegal Weave Chalk Stripe bloodlust wrath across south London , or young enough to understand Tik Tok and use Whatsapp,  Bowie is the Omega Man for all generations.

 An Event Horizon of Glam, Prog, Rock, New Wave, Funk, Soul,  Berlin School and Polarity Drive Musical Brilliance. 

Post your Favourite Bowie Tracks as we Bathe and tarry awhile in the plasma pool of his greatness. Why Not?, we've f uck all else to do in the off season, Unless you want to talk about the falkland Islands and Monkey Pox.

[Post edited 15 Jun 2022 15:32]
at 08:49 22 Apr 2022

I've had covid for 10 days and have been knocked bandy watching 'Benidorm bargain brits abroad' on rotation, while comatose on the chesterfield. Feel like i have shot up Jalalabad skag cut to fu ck with Steradent denture powder .

anyway, was Overjoyed to see 'Dune' on sky.

Massive let down, All the acting skills of Bobby Davro at Clacton pier playing the spoons.

The bloke playing paul atreides looks like a cross between barry george and colin stagg, Puny.

The Lynch version, for all its faults, is on another level. On top of being ill and foolishly drinking a ton of bitburger last night , it's put me in a worse mood than John Wayne Gacey mooching outside leif garretts californian apartment all night waiting to go down his bins for his used tanga briefs.

Right load of old crap. Just waiting for Hugh grant to ride a spice worm.

The spice did not flow. at all.

'the many saints of newark' was a load of old tom tit as well. Rant over.


[Post edited 22 Apr 2022 8:58]
Rangers V Celtic.
at 13:02 3 Apr 2022

Watching this while peeling the spuds for me colcannon. Really enjoyable game of football. It's like a throwback Derby from a bygone era. Watching QPR compete in London Derby's over the past decade or so is about as exciting as watching eddie charlton build a break of 12 points over 3 months.

Visceral Atmosphere Like something From Houston v Tokyo in the Jonathon E Rollerball dome. Cameron Carter-Vickers Doing an effective impersonation of Barcelona's Generalissimo, Uli Stielike.

Watch the second half if you can shipmates.
[Post edited 3 Apr 2022 13:12]
Fulham Match Thread.
at 20:59 1 Apr 2022

I haven't started a match thread since Nikita Khrushchev shot a CCCP Space monkey into the kuiper belt to assemble antenna at Salyut Laboratories.

However, Word has reached me  here in Leigh on Sea, That the Fulham Hooligan element  are on full manoeuvres for tomorrow. 

QPR Fans be warned, Their Hooligans will be tooled up in  cat skin dueling gloves dipped in shattered resin with  grandfather Pendulum Clock weights dropped down the leg of one's 72 button fly buckskin pantaloons

Also, Beware of Steel fish hooks sewn into their smoking Jacket lapels by bespoke Jermyn Street tailors. The regulation timber snuff boxes of the Fulham Hooligan, have been replaced for tomorows game with ones constructed from lingnum vitae, a hardy flush grain that will prove to be a redoubtable piece of kit upon one's Cranium. 

Be aware of the canny sharpening of their briar churchwarden pipes to a keen edge That would take one's fackin' eye out. 

They  have also recruited extra muscle from the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa legion , loyal by their blood oath to the mustard corduroy trouser. The no good slags secrete  Maris pipers studded with razor blades  in their cumberbands .

Finally,  be on the ready eye for fulham hooligans in Stove pipe hats,  as they have  leaded piano legs in them which could split one's cannister open leaving one down the A&E Saturday night with the skagheads, Brasses and meat rack nonces without so much as an old fashioned in ones hip flask.

3-1 to the glory superhoops.  
[Post edited 1 Apr 2022 21:02]
Dry January. Strung out in heaven's high.
at 19:20 1 Feb 2022

Just on my first beer of 2022. A Jupiler.

It's been so fu cking boring... hitting an all time low around the 20th of January consulting the Hemlock society book 'The art of self deliverance' Saturday night while watching Ant and Dec chunder out their carcinogenic synapse crushing sawtooth white noise tourture .

Thought about constructing my own Soylent Green symphony suicide suite when my chigwell mother in law called unannounced last sunday mornng at 9am with TWO 1000 piece puzzles designed by some Dutch Sex Fiend.

Lager. Love it.

PS. My first dry January, Had to be done i put on 2 stone of timber last year and look like a hybrid mutation of Popeye Doyle and Grouty from 'Porridge'

Respect to anyone who completed the 31 days.
I'm an Old Man.
at 21:56 3 Nov 2021

54 years old tomorrow. Sir Les knocking in goals in front of the chicken run every year at Upton park while i maintained radio silence in amongst the ICF seems a 1000 years ago.

I could dance for 12 hours at shoom, Astoria, Brixton acadamy, Mud CLUB and the wag club..

now i can't make a pot noodle without taking a lie down in a 15 tog duvet.

East End Blood. Forever QPR.

Where do the years go...

Anyway.. My old man east ham Dave Far right, Mum Middle, Uncle ray on the left.. Upton park. 1964.

[Post edited 3 Nov 2021 22:02]
Halloween/ Horror Films. Your Favourites.
at 19:35 28 Oct 2021

With Halloween Coming up, I thought of this clip From Stand Alone Production
'Halloween 3', nothing to do with the rest of the franchise.


Also 'Phantasm'was a cracker ... scared the shit out of me when i was 13.

cronenbergs 'The brood' was another.

more recently, i found 'The Banshee Chapter' unnerving'. Lsd experimentation, Cold war Number stations, Synapse distortion....

[Post edited 28 Oct 2021 22:52]
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