At this time of year, I like to remind my parents that, despite all the careful thought and consideration they put into it, I do not want any presents from them. Because they are just awful.
For example, last year's Marmite-themed storage jar. Or the previous year's variety pack of 'expensive' soaps. Frankly, I can't remember the last time they actually bought me something I want. Seriously, one year they bought me an oven mitt. Not a pair - one.
With that in mind, does anyone else suffer like this?
Gentlemen, I think it is looking increasingly unlikely that we will win the Championship this season. However, this frees us up to concentrate on cup competitions.
Now, many of you will say that this is a nonsense but only last night I dreamed that I was eating a mince pie and just this morning I ate one. Follow your dreams, follow your dreams!
We may not have won but, if nothing else, we came a close second. We have the best kit, apart from the green one, and many of our players have tasteful haircuts. There is much of which to be proud. Even the water pressure in the Ellerslie Road bum-sinks has risen to the occasion.
Let us not talk of defeat. Or even deshoulders, deknees or detoes. The only sack we should be considering is from Santa.
Saw this on WLS about Saman Ghoddos. Can't recall any great buzz around the player from earlier in the season. GetWestLondon, TalkSpurt and HITC seem to be the main sources, so probably bollox regurgitated from the Twittersphere masquerading as news.
Venue: Dog & Handgun Public House, snug Agenda: Awarding Strike To Mr I Holloway, AOB Apologies: Big Vern (18 months); Bermondsey Dave (lying low, presumed Costa Brava) Chair: Frankie 'Ironfist' O'Toole
The chair recognised committee member Maureen Pennis-Elbow who proposed awarding a strike to Mr I Holloway of QPR in response to the team selection and performance. Ray Jinghorn wanted his joke about 'awarding him a striker being a better idea, eh, eh?' noted in the minutes (agreed). The floor was opened to debate. Ron Scranus felt that the strike should be suspended in order to provide motivation for the manager. Cassandra Fuque-Tarde proposed that the strike be delivered but that it should be accompanied by an hour of shouting 'Cuuuuuuuuuunt!' at Mr Holloway in the next game if QPR weren't at least four goals up by half time. Reggie 'The Face' Barse felt that the strike needed to have maximum impact and proposed attaching it to the front of his car and driving across the training pitch into Mr Holloway. It was further suggested that a copy be attached to the rear bumper so a similar effect be attained by reversing over him. Mr Barse was very passionate about the idea and needed to be resuscitated after bursting several veins his temple. Our thoughts are with his family at this time.
After being put to the vote, the strike was unanimously passed and it was delivered to Loftus Road in person by the secretary Alvin Felcher.
Mr Holloway's response was as follows: 'What the fcuk is this?'