As we know, all men are opportunistic sex attackers who are unable to set eyes on or be in close proximity to a female before becoming overcome with lust and jumping on her in a fit of rampant gropeage whilst making noises like Sid James in the carry on films. So the Labour Party have come up with a solution. Woman only carriages!
I think it's a fantastic idea as it will protect us men from being arrested for sexual assault. They have trialled this in other countries and it's been a raging success. If it works here plans are already in the pipeline to extend the scheme to child only carriages to protect them from paedophiles and OAP carriages to protect everyone else from the smell.
A statement from the architect of the plan said "This plan will cut sexual assaults on trains by 100%. The current strategy of identifying, arresting and prosecuting the scumbags who assault women clearly isn't working. Here at the Labour Party we feel that treating all men as rapists who can't control themselves and segregating them from all women forever is the most proportionate response to this issue"
Interesting one this. Corbyn has sacked yet another of his front bench after she received accusations of racism for an article she wrote about rape gangs operating in the north of England, suggesting it's a predominantly Muslim issue.
I'm surprised this doesn't appear to have been mentioned on here, unless people are too embarrassed to bring it up. It seems like it's our new official tag line is along the "Fire and pashun" lines.
We have obviously seen plenty of grit the last few seasons, I suppose that must be rhyming slang but the only thing of beauty that's got near the pitch in recent years is llorente who is gorgeous even though I'm definitely not gay.
Is this tag line going to stick around? Can anybody think of a better tag line?
They want to ban all diesel cars, that's a real vote winner that millions of diesel car drivers around the country will support.
They want a referendum on the deal of Brexit. I'd have a lot more respect for them if they just came out and pledged that if they're elected they will instantly reverse Brexit. They'd have a clear mandate to do so if they won a general election. All this nonsense about "the destination" is complete bollocks. They need to show some balls on this. It would probably get them more votes too.
They want to build a lot more houses and create a national development bank to pay for it. Good now we're getting somewhere.
They want to lower the cap that inheritance tax kicks in, so that those grieving people get kicked in the nuts that little bit harder.
No mention of tuition fees. Strange that one.
1p more on income tax across the board.
They will raise corporation tax. Not good news for small businesses.
Gays shall be publically flogged for their unnatural urges and crimes against God and women who have abortions shall be imprisoned... Oh wait, no that policy didn't make the final cut.
The championship season has finished now, so are these players available for our last two games? Grimes would be solid cover if all our bench and u-23s get injured and Mo Barrow would terrify defences, probably our own.
I read that they are flooding the constituencies of Brexiteer MPs from across the political spectrum with 'activists' in order to try and get them replaced. This I imagine would take some serious organisation and funding. They must be paying serious money for Anthony Charles Lynton Blair to even consider jumping on board.
Who is behind this shadowy organisation and how are they funded?
It was a lovely touch when the French national anthem was played at football grounds around the country following the terrible attacks in Paris. Would it be a nice idea if the club played God save the queen before the Middlesbrough match to show support for those affected in London?
This was on while I was stuck in the waiting room while my car was having a service. F uck me.
What a depressing shower of arse dribble that show is. The basic premise was a timid elderly henpecked gent in a complete state of submission and his overbearing obese wife are looking to sell up their urban home and move to Worcestershire. They are then led around a dreary, possibly haunted ramshackle cottage whilst the wife moans about the kitchen being too small and the gent stands on in perpetual silence, regretting the day he ever met her.
Then for some reason which is inexplicable for a house buying show they go and visit a bird sanctuary where the wife is presumably told to ask questions about what the sanctuary does and how they are funded, whilst her husband stands on silently wishing his wife would get her eyes gouged out by an irate kestrel.
Then to the next house, a converted barn. It's even smaller than the last one. Finally the gent speaks up and says he's glad it's got a bath because he likes baths and his current house doesn't have a bath so he's had to have a shower for the last thirty years which is a shame because he likes baths. Anyway his fat wife wasn't happy with this one either so presumably his having a bath dream has been crushed.
Then the presenter buggers off to talk to a man who knows a lot about plums. He asks him lots of questions about plums and the man answers expertly as if he was an expert about plums. Then it cuts to a wine drinking contest where middle class people can slurp lots of wine without anyone labelling them a piss head. It is at this point I start dreaming about an angry kestrel ramming a plum down my throat this relieving me of this living hell but luckily the show continues and the happy couple are presented with the very exciting "mystery house".
What a dump.
Anyway the miserable fat bitch finds fault with literally everything but becomes a bit excited when she realises the house is cheaper than she thought it was and therefore in her budget range, but it is not revealed whether or not they bought it. The gent is left solemnly wishing for death to take him whilst the end credits roll.