I am thinking of opening a Christmas theme park in a muddy car park near you. It will have a p!ssed Santa, artificial snow " that will have melted by the time anyone gets there", elves that can be seen eating burgers behind the cardboard cut outs (festive displays of high quality winter scenes) oh and rude staff to make the kids cry and ruin their Christmas.
All this for the fantastic price of £50 per car and £20 per person. I look forward to seeing my enterprise on the front pages of the national newspapers with the usual moaners and dissatified customers comments. So all you gullible punters (saddos) out there roll up.
Listening to reports coming in on 5 Live and the women correspondence sound as if they are on something. Any goal is reported as if it is the first one they have seen. Trill voices and false excitement at the smallest incident . Sound like they have just come from a public school hockey match. Calm down!
"Paul Clement led Swansea to four wins in their last five games as they avoided the drop by seven points last year. Fernando Llorente – who will miss the first two games of the campaign with a broken arm – scored in each of those wins and will need to produce that form all season to give Swansea a chance at survival. But his service and Swansea’s chances rest with the future of Gylfi Sigurdsson. The playmaker has been heavily linked with a move to Everton and sat out the club’s pre-season tour due to the uncertainty over his future. Swansea are asking for £50million and if he leaves, they will need to quickly reinvest it in the playing squad if they are to have any chance. Prediction: 18th"