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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 655964 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning (n/t) on 21:27 - Dec 9 with 6973 viewsMickS

Corny Joke Warning on 01:03 - Dec 6 by Esox_Lucius

Many years ago ,Bing Crosby, Don Henley, Mary Hopkin and Lee Hazlewood asked me to join with them to sing Christmas songs. It was a very exclusive group, just Bing Don Mary Lee and I





My wife just asked me what’s up with me?
[Post edited 9 Dec 2020 21:29]
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:01 - Dec 10 with 6904 viewsMyke

Many years ago when my daughter was born, my wife warned me that if I gave her a silly name, she would leave me. So I called her Bluff
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:12 - Dec 10 with 6899 viewsBoston

Doctor - I’m awfully sorry to tell you that you’re suffering from Alzheimer’s and cancer.

Patient - Well thank god I’ve not got Alzheimer’s.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 20:28 - Dec 11 with 6717 viewsEsox_Lucius

My wife just asked if I had seen the dog bowl.
.
.
.
.
.
I didn't even know it played cricket to be honest.

The grass is always greener.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 14:41 - Dec 13 with 6591 viewsBoston

I got nicked for selling the Secret of Eternal Youth Pills yesterday. They were going to let me off with a caution 'till they noticed I had previous..in 1998, 1963, 1894 and 1756.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 14:47 - Dec 13 with 6584 viewsBoston

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a magazine in a doctors waiting room, eleven years ago, page 37, 9.25 am.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 22:45 - Dec 14 with 6427 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 14:47 - Dec 13 by Boston

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a magazine in a doctors waiting room, eleven years ago, page 37, 9.25 am.


Is it really true that the French word for a set of dentures is apéritif?

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 11:02 - Dec 15 with 6355 viewsjohann28

Been married 35 years and I told the wife never to look in the safe. Well I got back from the supermarket the other day and she was looking at me funny and said 'sorry, but I looked in the safe.' I was shocked, 'didn't I tell you never to look in there?' 'yes, she says ' but curiosity got the better of me - you've got £10,000 in there....and 3 eggs. Why the hell have you got eggs in there?'

'well I'll be honest with you' I says. 'every time I've been unfaithful to you, I put an egg in there.'

'mmmm ' she say, 'well I guess 3 in 35 years isn't bad.'

'ah' I says, 'but when I've had a dozen, I sell them, and that's where the money came from'.
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:56 - Dec 19 with 6171 viewsEsox_Lucius

I have just been told I am getting a Bonopoly Collectors Edition game for Xmas.
It's just like regular Monopoly but the streets have no names.

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 22:58 - Dec 19 with 6126 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 21:56 - Dec 19 by Esox_Lucius

I have just been told I am getting a Bonopoly Collectors Edition game for Xmas.
It's just like regular Monopoly but the streets have no names.


Problem with Monopoly is it only has one manufacturer.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 21:44 - Dec 22 with 5978 viewsEsox_Lucius

The DFS salesman said, "This sofa will seat five people without any problems."
"Fück that," I thought, "where am I supposed to find five people without any problems?"

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 18:42 - Dec 26 with 5780 viewsjohncharles

Is it okay to dip bread in your curry ?

Asking for my Nan
[Post edited 26 Dec 2020 18:44]

Strong and stable my arse.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 19:33 - Dec 26 with 5718 viewsBoston

My Wife was sick to her stomach when I informed her I'd put ginger in the curry,

She loved that cat.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 19:38 - Dec 26 with 5707 viewsBoston

Red Curry had a punch up with Green Curry...

No winner, it was a Thai.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 15:11 - Dec 30 with 5522 viewsEsox_Lucius

I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm this winter, but It was just my cold field.

The grass is always greener.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 11:12 - Dec 31 with 5413 viewsstevec

A man goes to the optician for his eye test. The optician asks him what he can see.
" I see empty airports, empty football grounds, closed theatres and closed pubs." That's perfect says the optician, you've got 2020 vision!
HAPPY NEW YEAR 🥳
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Corny Joke Warning on 11:29 - Dec 31 with 5398 viewsGaryT

Corny Joke Warning on 12:45 - Nov 27 by Esox_Lucius

I've just been to the Optician for my annual eye test.
The Optician put a contraption on my face ,and said " what can you see? " I said
"I see empty Airports and empty Football grounds,
I see closed theatres , closed pubs, closed Restaurants"
That's perfect says the Optician, you've got 2020 vision!


Oh Steve, Spackmaning a joke about going to the opticians...I'll just leave that there. :-)
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Corny Joke Warning on 11:36 - Dec 31 with 5390 viewsstevec

Corny Joke Warning on 11:29 - Dec 31 by GaryT

Oh Steve, Spackmaning a joke about going to the opticians...I'll just leave that there. :-)


Shit, I knew I should have looked back further than December!

😄
1
Corny Joke Warning on 11:51 - Dec 31 with 5365 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 11:36 - Dec 31 by stevec

Shit, I knew I should have looked back further than December!

😄


Go through the whole thread just to keep a smile on your face during this enforced period of holiday at home

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 14:48 - Jan 1 with 5232 viewsdontknowitall

it's 3 months since I sent my hearing aid away for repair....

I've heard nothing since?
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Corny Joke Warning on 17:14 - Jan 1 with 5178 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 11:36 - Dec 31 by stevec

Shit, I knew I should have looked back further than December!

😄


I'd be surprised if there weren't multiple repeats, including by myself!

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 17:26 - Jan 1 with 5164 viewsBoston

Man walks into Emergency, he's got a banana in his ear, carrot in his nose and a cucumber stuck up his arse! "Doctor, doctor, what the fcks wrong with me?". "I'm afraid you're not eating properly", replies the doc.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 20:52 - Jan 1 with 5089 viewsBoston

What a rotten start to the year, nowhere near over and I've had two disasters. First Mrs Boston got run over by a bus, then I got fired by TfL.
[Post edited 2 Jan 2021 0:23]

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 00:06 - Jan 2 with 5042 viewsjohncharles

What’s the fastest fish in the world ?
A Motor Pike

Strong and stable my arse.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 09:18 - Jan 2 with 4983 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 00:06 - Jan 2 by johncharles

What’s the fastest fish in the world ?
A Motor Pike


Second fastest is a motor Pike with a side Carp.

The grass is always greener.

2
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