A chaotic and, frankly, absurd finish to a game QPR had led into stoppage time ended with Wrexham getting their Hollywood ending with an implausible 3-2 win at Loftus Road on Saturday.

Let’s step back in time, shall we, to somewhere just before ten to five yesterday afternoon.

Queens Park Rangers, beset by injuries, led a Wrexham side, that has had at least £30m lavished on it this season alone, 2-1. A packed Loftus Road was pepping and popping ready to roar the boys home through a skinny four minutes of stoppage time. A dull, dreary week of 0-0 draws on the road was on the verge of being transformed into a very positive return of five points and three unbeaten in tough circumstance. The R’s about to join Bristol City, Watford and Preston tied on 43 points for the final play-off place.

Deservedly so, too. Although it was effectively 4-4-2 in a large trenchcoat, Julien Stéphan’s decision to play Harvey Vale off Richard Kone was vindicated with a very positive, purposeful first half performance. Vale scored a fabulous opening goal - retaining concentration and composure after Karamoko Dembele had seen a shot tipped onto the underside of the bar by visiting keeper Arthur Okonkwo following majestic approach work by Nicolas Madsen, swivelling and striking first time with his back to goal and sending the ball soaring gloriously into the top corner of the net.

The time was still in single figures when that beaut nestled nicely, and it wasn’t that far into double when a nice move down the left was chested off adeptly by Richard Kone and Paul Smyth put a chance into the side netting that, at the very least, should have worked the goalkeeper. Soon Vale was bundling through challenges into a decent shooting position which he wasted wide, and later just out of reach of a nice cross after Rangers made light work of a heavy pitch with a sweeping cross-field move. Scarr headed narrowly wide of an own goal under heavy Kone pressure on the end of a delicious, Taarabt-like, outside of the boot assist by Dembele.

For those who’d travelled and sat through the dirge of 180 scoreless minutes on the road leading into this game, it was wonderful to see QPR actually playing some football, posing some threat, and putting on an entertaining performance – all while being asked to play on a ploughed field. In one moment Amadou Mbengue attempted a 20-yard bicycle kick towards goal, in another Joe Walsh got caught 50 yards out to sea but got the decision right and averted the danger. Good stuff. Occasionally chaotic (is Steve Cook really injured? Let’s pass him the ball and see…), frequently bumbling (Kieran Morgan got into a great spot on the edge of the area just before half time but spent so long choosing his poison I’d have fancied myself to make it down from F Block and tackle him), but decent, and well worthy of a single goal half time lead and round of applause.

Rangers really should have been two goals up, the Smyth chance in particular felt pivotal, but this was very much green pen territory at this stage. A big improvement on the suffering we’d been subjected to in the prior games.

The second half was always going to be tougher. Because Wrexham wouldn’t be as bad again, because every team gets ten minutes in a game and they hadn’t had theirs yet, because they’re better resourced and had much more to bring on from the bench, and because – oh yes, here it comes – QPR are obviously not in good enough physical condition. This can be denied no longer.

Sure enough, the visitors dominated from the second b of the bang in the way the hosts had the first. A tremendous swept pass from Ben Sheaf split Rangers right down the middle and isolated individual defenders one on one. Jimmy Dunne got back well at Nathan Broadhead, Thomason struck the loose ball firmly towards a good Joe Walsh save, Mbengue and Cook both had a swing at a clearance and failed to complete the job. It never felt like the defence really recovered from that and when Wrexham worked the same move a second time only now with Callum Doyle joining as an extra body that was enough for the house of cards to collapse and the former Coventry and Norwich man to stick an equaliser into the top corner. I like your little beard.

Rangers needed a desperate block from Steve Cook on Kieffer Moore, a great Kone clearing header from a corner, and a powerfully struck effort from Sheaf to fly straight at Walsh rather than either side of him to maintain the deadlocked 1-1. Momentum and mood had shifted. Stéphan, not for the first time recently, was slow and indecisive with changes that had been obviously needed to most in the ground for a long time before they were made.

All was not lost though. The score was level. QPR had passed through a period of pressure and come up for air on the other side. Belatedly, substitutes dripped into the mix. Isaac Haqyden replaced Kieran Morgan, who’d run and tried hard but given the ball away too often, while Rayan Kolli and Daniel Bennie freshened the wings. Imbued with fresh blood and hope a second wind inflated the wet sails and promised to carry Rangers home.

Kone immediately sprung Bennie for a cross to the back post which the Ivorian nearly reached himself. Rhys Norrington Davies recycled with a cross Clive Wilson would have purred over in after dinner speeches. Amadou Mbengue’s fun size throw caused more chaos than it should. And when Thomasen panicked under another centre to concede a needless corner it was Steve Cook who attacked first and foremost at the near post, guiding a header across the goal and into the far corner from Madsen’s note perfect delivery. Not sure which Wrexham player was asleep, but it was a header so free you might want to check for a pulse. Adversity faced, adversary faced down, and the Loft was bouncing once more. All was right in the world, and time was on our side. Just the four minutes added. What could possibly go wrong with that?

At this point the match report read a little bit like this… How to turn a poor week into a great week, from the boredom of last Saturday and Tuesday to the elation of this. How to transform one of the worst debut seasons I’ve ever seen at the club into a borderline player of the year campaign – Nicolas Madsen running the show, reading the rules, intercepting for fun, driving through the Wrexham midfield on a barnstorming run that unfortunately had a lousy shot on the end of it. The difference Harvey Vale made, and his statement piece to the manager for the second time this season that he is worth involving more. Redemption arcs agogo, and a whole load of “pure cinema”, “stick big Steve Cook on your bloody Disney” diatribe. You’re everywhere and nowhere baby, and there’s a long night back at the Crown & Sceptre to come. You R’s.

What happened next was extraordinary. I’ve been doing this job 20 years and… fuck me.

In 240 seconds of football QPR contrived to get a man sent off, concede an equaliser, give the ball away from the kick off, and concede a winner. That’s really difficult to do, even if you were trying to do it. Admiring glances from Bruce Grobbelaar – wow, these guys came to play. I actually laughed when the third goal went in. Surely not. I mean, surely not. They cancelled Dream Team because of fanciful shit more believable than this. It left a Loftus Road crowd stunned in their seats. Row after row of thousands upon thousands of dumbstruck blokes, staring at the pitch, wondering what on earth had just happened to them. What on earth they’re doing with their lives. How can you keep investing time and emotional energy into something that does this to you? How have they done that? How? Self destruct button a mile across, and a load of hooped idiots jumping up and down on it.

It was a disaster of many fathers: the Paul Smyth miss to make it 2-0 when well on top in the game; this manager’s persistent indecisiveness and delaying with substitutions; the fitness and conditioning of the team which means its best players are mostly unavailable and the ones that can play frequently slam into a wall after an hour; the positive late call to put a corner in the box rather than hold it to clock run and a header from that hitting the bar rather than the net.

The tipping point was Amadou Mbengue’s red card. A brainless, needless, moronic, idiotic charge into Thomasen, who was tight to the touchline and going absolutely nowhere of any danger to anyone, while on a booking.

I have some sympathy. Mbengue was booked in the first half for intent. His tackle on Doyle was somewhat wild, but it didn’t connect, and Doyle happily skipped around it and played on. Referee Oliver Langford stopped the game and intervened. Mbengue committed one more foul after that. Paul Smyth was also later yellow carded for very little indeed. Meanwhile Wrexham’s 12, Issa Kabore, was granted diplomatic immunity to do as he pleased. Foul after foul after foul. Constant rows with and dissent towards the officials. A delay of literally every first half corner while he acted up, hit people, wrestled them around. Langford’s tolerance of him was infinite – curl a steamer out on his front lawn I think he’d have ruffled his dreadlocks and sent him on his way. The referee’s mood towards Mbengue and Smyth… less conciliatory. Mbengue, officially, committed two fouls the whole game, and was sent off. Kabore committed four, and got a lift back to the station in Langford’s car. Still, on a yellow (tenth of the season), last minute, winning the game, what on earth are you trying that tackle for? A bear of very little brain.

If you took Amadou Mbengue off every time he was on a yellow card that daft sod would never be on the pitch. I also wouldn’t have started Ronnie Edwards here, not only because the defence had kept three consecutive league clean sheets but also he had a mare on the opening day for Southampton against this opposition and Kieffer Moore in particular. But you do have to wonder why our £4.5m signing was left as an unused sub once again here, when he could easily have come on in the 64, 74 or 82 tranches of changes, rather than leave Mbengue to walk the high wire. Once again, Stéphan didn’t use a full compliment of five subs. You can’t keep doing that while continuously moaning about fatigue and fixture congestion. They’re mutually exclusive. The faffing about and indecisiveness on the touchline at the moment is chronic.

That needn’t have meant surrendering the win. It certainly shouldn’t have meant losing the game. I have rarely, ever, seen a stoppage time period, or a spell with ten men, handled as badly as this by everybody involved, and I was there for the Aguero goal. Was that Daniel Bennie going into right back? Sub Sam Field dropped into centre half certainly, but that only vacated the middle of midfield entirely and let Wrexham’s far more effective subs Josh Windass and Ollie Rathbone rain down shots on goal. Could Kone have dropped in there as a warm body? At one stage Jimmy Dunne appeared to tell Joe Walsh to do the pretend injury thing so we could have a proper sort out, so the keeper sat down and… then got up again. We couldn't even get that right.

Dobson’s 30 yarder hit Madsen. Windass’ 25 yarder was saved down by the post by Walsh. Left completely unmarked and unattended at a short corner Windass was allowed to dribble across the precipice of the area and shoot towards the top corner - this time Cook put a head in the way. From that set piece Walsh’s attempted punch when a catch looked on was pathetic, and Windass volleyed into the empty net. This is all in about 25-30 seconds. Short of throwing it in for them I’m not sure we could have done much more. Phil Parkinson said his team "smelt blood". No shit. Not a particularly challenging episode of Frost.

Take the point. Still a good result. Plenty of positives.

Given the chance to hold some possession and see out time from the kick off, QPR instead chose POWER DRIVE. May I suggest a putter? THREE WOOD. The Aguero comparisons continued as Steve Cook (I think, forgive me if it wasn’t) drew a boot back and banged the ball straight into touch. Straight into touch on the side of the pitch we were missing a player because of the red card. There are times when I give QPR a pass. There are times I make excuses for them. There are times I breathe in through the nose, hold, breathe out through the mouth and think, you know what, ten ‘fucks’ and five ‘cunts’ is a lot for one match report. Let’s calm down, set it in context, see the other person’s point of view, empathise and move onto the next week on the hamster wheel. And then there are times where I want to squish my finger through my eyeball, and into my brain, and whirl it around, creating a paste.

Off we went again. Minute still to go. Camped in our own area. No desire to keep the ball. No attempt to take the sting out of this with some possession. Take care of the football, Nick. No game management, no game smarts, no brain. No leadership, no management, no tactics. The strategy for stoppage time basically began and ended with “there’s only four minutes left, it’ll probably be okay”.

I did a post on the message board in the week about how not everybody can be a development prospect, you have to have experienced heads, you have to have people who care about QPR and don’t see it as a stepping stone, you have to have a spine of your team. Well, you had Cook, Dunne, Hayden and Field on the pitch here, and where was any of that? As Longman crossed unopposed, for Smith to attack at the near post? As the ball fell loose between three QPR players, including the goalkeeper, on the edge of the six-yard box and they cleared it only as far as the edge of the area? As Ollie Rathbone was allowed a touch, turn, and hit in an area heavily populated with hooped shirts all standing off and leaving it to each other. Nobody closing, nobody tackling, nobody chucking themselves in the way. Keeper should save the shot as well, while I’m here.

Comeback, and indeed collapse, complete. Completely undeserved, but sport's not about what you deserve, it's about winning.

Julian Stéphan said the result was a “big disappointment” but it was important to stay clear in the analysis of the game as a whole and the first half was very good. Like the Pipa Alpha disaster was a big disappointment, but it’s important to remember Blue Watch had a great afternoon shift that day. Or the Costa Concordia sinking was a big disappointment, but folk had been having a lovely holiday before he hit those rocks. I’d be bloody keen to divert attention away from how that last four minutes was managed as well if I was in charge of it. Like life on an oil rig, at QPR everything’s fine until it’s not fine, and the moment it’s not fine it’s the farthest thing from fine.

For fans of the Steve McClaren season repeat theory, we lost this weekend that year 4-1 at home to Preston as part of a run of seven straight league defeats and one win in 16 Championship games.

If you can’t manage or handle a situation like this better than this… you’ll be lucky to even do that.

Links >>> Photo Gallery >>> Ratings and Reports >>> Message Board Match Thread

QPR: Walsh 5; Mbengue 4, Dunne 6, Cook 6, Norrington-Davies 6; Dembele 6 (Bennie 74, 5), Morgan 5 (Hayden 64, 5), Madsen 7, Smyth 5 (Kolli 74, 5); Vale 7 (Field 82, -), Kone 6

Subs not used: Adamson, Alemayehu, Edwards, Hamer, Smith

Goals: Vale 6 (unassisted), Cook 80 (assisted Madsen)

Red Cards: Mbengue 90 (two bookings)

Yellow Cards: Mbengue 44 (foul), Smyth 61 (foul), Mbengue 90 (foul)

Wrexham: Okonkwo 6; Hyam 6, Scarr 6 (Windass 84, -), Doyle 7; Kabore 5 (Longman 91, -), James 7 (Smith 84, -), Sheaf 7 (Dobson 75, 7), Thomasen 6; O’Brien 6, Moore 6, Broadhead 6 (Rathbone 75, 8)

Subs not used: Burton, Cacace, Cleworth, Rodriguez

Goals: Doyle 54 (assisted Broadhead), Windass 90+3 (unassisted), Rathbone 90+4 (assisted Windass)

Yellow Cards: Scarr 12 (foul), Sheaf 56 (foul)

QPR Star Man – Nicolas Madsen 7 Terrific on both sides of the ball, really didn’t deserve to end on the losing side.

Referee – Oliver Langford (West Midlands) 4 Refereed different players to different standards in the same match.

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Pictures - Ian Randall Photography

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