| Life tips #1: Always read the label 16:25 - Jun 15 with 3627 views | Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
After suffering through a few years of absolute personal hell I decided to treat myself to a very last minute all inclusive holiday to a luxury hotel on the Mediterranean Sea. It was so last minute I literally only had about four hours to get to the airport. So I stopped off at a local supermarket and randomly grabbed a load of factor 50 sun cream and aftersun lotion knowing my skin is probably the whitest known to man. I’ve nearly died of sunstroke driving to the shops in January that’s how pathetically white I am.
Anyway the first day was lovely slobbing around by the pool in 32 degree heat not having to do anything but drink beer and innocently and accidentally watch all the lovely ladies with their lovely bums but despite caking myself in factor 50 I still contrived to attain severe burnage on my legs, feet, face, back, shoulders, stomach, arms and hands and neck. So before bed I grabbed what I thought was aftersun lotion I had picked up and smeared it liberally about my person.
Except it was not aftersun lotion. It was self tanning water. Why they put these products on the same shelf is beyond my comprehension. I woke up to find the palms of my hands had been turned bright orange. Like I’d been tossing off some oompah loompahs or lovingly caressing Donald trumps butt cheeks for hours. Fortunately this product was absolutely useless on the rest of my body otherwise I would have ended up looking like I’d been tangoed. I spent the morning watching a series of YouTube videos on how to remove the orangeness from my palms. Solutions ranged from soap to gentle exfoliation to applying glass cleaner and various other acids. None of which worked.
So I sit on my balcony with my red red skin and bright orange hands regaling my horrific tale in the hope it resonates with the rest of you so you never make the same mistake I did.
Read the f*cking label. |  |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:51 - Jun 15 with 2827 views | swan_si |
If you can still see the "lovely ladies" from your balcony, I don't see any problem.
I would advise that you stop what you're doing if your todger starts to turn orange.🤔 |  | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:52 - Jun 15 with 2831 views | johnlangy |
For future reference for everyone reading this. We've used Riemanns P20 for the last 30 years or so and have never burnt, whatever the temp.
It's called P20 and we get the factor 20 stuff but they also do a 30 and a 50 if you need it. But it's still called P20 !!
As JON says, read the label. |  | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:09 - Jun 15 with 2822 views | SullutaCreturned |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:52 - Jun 15 by johnlangy |
For future reference for everyone reading this. We've used Riemanns P20 for the last 30 years or so and have never burnt, whatever the temp.
It's called P20 and we get the factor 20 stuff but they also do a 30 and a 50 if you need it. But it's still called P20 !!
As JON says, read the label. |
Isn't that P20 the non drying balck security paint?
Life tip number 2, never try to use superglue as a lubricant...or as eye drops. And never mix it up with Anusol  | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:15 - Jun 15 with 2814 views | Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:51 - Jun 15 by swan_si |
If you can still see the "lovely ladies" from your balcony, I don't see any problem.
I would advise that you stop what you're doing if your todger starts to turn orange.🤔 |
I can still see them from a distance but it’s tricky to look innocent and accidental when I’ve whipped the binoculars out. | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:17 - Jun 15 with 2812 views | johnlangy |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:09 - Jun 15 by SullutaCreturned |
Isn't that P20 the non drying balck security paint?
Life tip number 2, never try to use superglue as a lubricant...or as eye drops. And never mix it up with Anusol |
I don't know what you get up to with your P20 Cat but you just be careful 
As for the second para, no comment. | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:18 - Jun 15 with 2807 views | swan_si |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:52 - Jun 15 by johnlangy |
For future reference for everyone reading this. We've used Riemanns P20 for the last 30 years or so and have never burnt, whatever the temp.
It's called P20 and we get the factor 20 stuff but they also do a 30 and a 50 if you need it. But it's still called P20 !!
As JON says, read the label. |
I remember when I was a lad, there was no such thing as sun tan lotion, we'd take a scoop of lard from the chip pan, 2 days later, you could peel the skin off your back, oh, the good old days. | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 19:22 - Jun 15 with 2753 views | Togg |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:18 - Jun 15 by swan_si |
I remember when I was a lad, there was no such thing as sun tan lotion, we'd take a scoop of lard from the chip pan, 2 days later, you could peel the skin off your back, oh, the good old days. |
As someone who loves the med, the beaches and sun. Just an observation but has anybody else noticed that the young ladies of today are wearing their bikini 👙 bottoms the wrong way around. I am now composing a strongly worded letter of disgust to the Mail on Sunday about this modern day fad! | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 19:28 - Jun 15 with 2739 views | SullutaCreturned |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 19:22 - Jun 15 by Togg |
As someone who loves the med, the beaches and sun. Just an observation but has anybody else noticed that the young ladies of today are wearing their bikini 👙 bottoms the wrong way around. I am now composing a strongly worded letter of disgust to the Mail on Sunday about this modern day fad! |
You're right, young women these days seem to want to floss their foofoo's. Doesn't look comfortable to me.
I love the med, can't beat a Greek island either. | | | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 19:37 - Jun 15 with 2732 views | swan_si |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 19:22 - Jun 15 by Togg |
As someone who loves the med, the beaches and sun. Just an observation but has anybody else noticed that the young ladies of today are wearing their bikini 👙 bottoms the wrong way around. I am now composing a strongly worded letter of disgust to the Mail on Sunday about this modern day fad! |
O'Keeffe's make a, " lip repair and protect " lipstick, guaranteed relief for extremely dry cracked lips, available through Amazon for as little as £4.28.🤔 | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 21:52 - Jun 15 with 2692 views | Fireboy2 |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:18 - Jun 15 by swan_si |
I remember when I was a lad, there was no such thing as sun tan lotion, we'd take a scoop of lard from the chip pan, 2 days later, you could peel the skin off your back, oh, the good old days. |
I remember being in agony in the summer of 76, the skin peeling from my back
I kid you not, my auntie used to put olive oil on herself before going sunbathing. |  | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 22:24 - Jun 15 with 2675 views | builthjack |
Joesus. What the hell are you doing sunbathing on an all inclusive?
Find a shady spot and drink those cocktails.
** A 4 hour shower with your hands positioned under the spray should get the orange off your hands. |  |
| Swansea Indepenent Poster Of The Year 2021. Dr P / Mart66 / Roathie / Parlay / E20/ Duffle was 2nd, but he is deluded and thinks in his little twisted brain that he won. Poor sod. We let him win this year, as he has cried for a whole year. His 14 usernames, bless his cotton socks.
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 14:51 - Jun 16 with 2577 views | Kilkennyjack |
Love the original post. 🤣🤣 |  |
| Beware of the Risen People
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:13 - Jun 16 with 2545 views | SullutaCreturned |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 21:52 - Jun 15 by Fireboy2 |
I remember being in agony in the summer of 76, the skin peeling from my back
I kid you not, my auntie used to put olive oil on herself before going sunbathing. |
Is that your Auntie Bessie? | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 16:45 - Jun 16 with 2520 views | onehunglow |
You are POTY
Just brilliant | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 20:59 - Jun 16 with 2484 views | max936 |
This has similarities to that Veet story that has done the rounds for the last 20yrs or more  |  |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 23:16 - Jun 16 with 2464 views | DJack |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 20:59 - Jun 16 by max936 |
This has similarities to that Veet story that has done the rounds for the last 20yrs or more |
Aye, I had a very similar incident with Tescos own cream and I had it on my sack for less than the alloted 5 minutes. It was tragic. |  |
| It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:08 - Jun 17 with 2404 views | Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:18 - Jun 15 by swan_si |
I remember when I was a lad, there was no such thing as sun tan lotion, we'd take a scoop of lard from the chip pan, 2 days later, you could peel the skin off your back, oh, the good old days. |
When you were a lad? Sun tan lotion was invented in 1946. You must be about a hundred years old! | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 18:30 - Jun 17 with 2390 views | swan_si |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:08 - Jun 17 by Joesus_Of_Narbereth |
When you were a lad? Sun tan lotion was invented in 1946. You must be about a hundred years old! |
No where near 100, although when the grandchildren go home, I feel like it.
" when I was lad" too much monty python as a lad.😉 | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 08:47 - Jun 18 with 2348 views | KeithHaynes |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:18 - Jun 15 by swan_si |
I remember when I was a lad, there was no such thing as sun tan lotion, we'd take a scoop of lard from the chip pan, 2 days later, you could peel the skin off your back, oh, the good old days. |
And have enough from the peel to fry off in a pan with a free range egg 👠|  |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 13:08 - Jun 18 with 2316 views | max936 |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 23:16 - Jun 16 by DJack |
Aye, I had a very similar incident with Tescos own cream and I had it on my sack for less than the alloted 5 minutes. It was tragic. |
I didn't know as to whether to ask this question, but here goes anyway, why in loving f did you want to remove the hair from your neither regions 
Another question springs to mind, would you use that cream on your chops | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 13:36 - Jun 18 with 2309 views | SullutaCreturned |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 13:08 - Jun 18 by max936 |
I didn't know as to whether to ask this question, but here goes anyway, why in loving f did you want to remove the hair from your neither regions
Another question springs to mind, would you use that cream on your chops |
Depends, Pork or Lamb? | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 14:32 - Jun 18 with 2302 views | max936 |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 13:36 - Jun 18 by SullutaCreturned |
Depends, Pork or Lamb? |
if you've got hair on your pork or lamb chops they need to be binned | |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 17:58 - Jun 18 with 2263 views | swan_si |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 08:47 - Jun 18 by KeithHaynes |
And have enough from the peel to fry off in a pan with a free range egg 👠|
🤢🤮😂 | | | |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 01:47 - Jun 19 with 2240 views | DJack |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 13:08 - Jun 18 by max936 |
I didn't know as to whether to ask this question, but here goes anyway, why in loving f did you want to remove the hair from your neither regions
Another question springs to mind, would you use that cream on your chops |
My pubes look gnarly to me. I just trim back these days after that disaster. As for the cream...it stopped me from catching my skin-tag with the razor! | |
| It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan |
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| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 08:27 - Jun 19 with 2213 views | onehunglow |
| Life tips #1: Always read the label on 13:08 - Jun 18 by max936 |
I didn't know as to whether to ask this question, but here goes anyway, why in loving f did you want to remove the hair from your neither regions
Another question springs to mind, would you use that cream on your chops |
It accentuates your ahold for a start .
Then it is more hygienic
For bedroom activities ,it is more pleasant for one’s partner .
Important to use a fresh blame and Nivea cream
Think I d better leave it there before a ban comes my way | |
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