| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle 10:05 - Feb 25 with 1005 views | perchrockjack |
Morning friends
Seeing how every fooker is making money on how to advise one to lead a healthier life, here s mine
1. Sleep for 7 hours at least. If on shift get blackout curtains and wear a mask.
2. Don't use PC ,tablet or even read a book before turning in
3. Don't drink alcohol after 8pm, nor coffee or tea.
4. Don't fill your fookn plate with shite. Jacket potato before chips.
5. Eat sardines for lunch and ditch bread and cakes
6.Avoid cakes
7. Don't put any ketchup on food nor salt. PUT CIDER VINEAGR ON YOUR FOOD
8. Unless you re really sporty or ex sporty ,like me, don't join or leave the Gym. You ll get pisssed off then seek solace in bad things when you blame yourself.
9. GET A DOG, if you can ,an active one that ll make demands on you
10. Walk ,really walk not run as it ll save your joints and you ll see more of your world around you. Those in Swansea... get the feck on to the prom , walk from the Marina to Verdis and catch bus back-
11. Sex... Yeah I know. Go for it, really. Nothing beats it for security and outright good feeling . Spend at least an hour at it and have a word with your partner be it male or female so they know what s what. Don't eat for three hours before
12. If you re not blessed with a body like mine, you might feel embarrassed about what state youre in but fear not ...if you cant see your flaccid penis from the perpendicular its not unusual; it is an issue with erect penises though so its time to lose weight .(see 1-7)
Shaving your genital area is a good idea as ,apart from hygiene, it can accentuate your equipment and again there s a feel good factor. Clear the bath after shaving though and be careful . Use baby oil not after shave. Ensure your equipment is washed thoroughly. I recommend dropping the penis into the sink and using a mild soap then filling the sink and allow your member to soak for a few minutes. No partner like cheesy knob.
13. Gardening uphill or on the flat is an excellent way of staying fit and it ll improve your complextion
14. If you can afford it, seek a personal trainer or have the discipline to do what we should be told and that is to ...
Don't consume more calories than you use, therefore if you re sitting down all day ,you don't need to eat that much.
Glad to help
Always available for a pm
EAT LESS CHIPS |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 10:21 - Feb 25 with 999 views | SgorioFruit |
SgorioFruits guide to a healthier lifestyle
1. Get a job working outdoors, SgorioFruit has hardly worked indoors since leaving school.
2. Grow a beard
3. Eat Steak
4. Drink real ale
5. Eat one Avocado per day
6. Dedicate one room of the house to something that resembles SgorioFruit's games room
7. Ride a motorbike
8. Walk up some hills in all weathers
9. Jump in a few icey cold rivers
10. Take no shit off women
11. Read military history
12. Support Newport County
Things to avoid for a healthier lifestyle
1. All reality TV shows
2. Any type of male skin or hair products
3. Boy George [Post edited 25 Feb 2017 10:23]
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 10:27 - Feb 25 with 989 views | Cooperman |
Well done chaps, two posts there that I enjoyed reading.
There are quite a few pointers there that I need to follow a little more closely. |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 10:29 - Feb 25 with 984 views | Cooperman |
May I add that I will never entertain uphill gardening. | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 10:35 - Feb 25 with 975 views | perchrockjack |
Its important to accept whom you are ,really.
Try to like yourself. Its not easy for me admittedly but you can find comfort within .
Ive never denied being anything other than capricious and complex ,sometimes very difficult and even now capable of real nastiness but its what I ve been born with . You can strive to be better but self reflection is an asset to have .
If all else fails, fook em all | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 10:40 - Feb 25 with 970 views | Nogginthenog |
Avoid the news
Avoid the papers
No reading apart from Planet Swans
Buy posh trainers
Sell posh trainers cos you dont use them
Put your running machine on ebay
Swap you dog for a Salamander they are quicker
Put 5 spice on all your meals except chips
Do 20 naked pressups in the window when the neighbours are watching
Bath once a month apart from genital area
Take vitamin D all year round not just wintertime
Throw away all tins of sardines they're hideous
Peg the washing out for the Mrs whatever the weather,the chase will do you good
Avoid sex in bed but do it everywhere else in the house including under the stairs
For those in bugalows build a faux understairs
Good luck [Post edited 25 Feb 2017 10:42]
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 11:05 - Feb 25 with 943 views | SoberBaker |
Perch. Point 12.
My mate is asking that if you are not blessed with a dong and your penis resembled a button mushroom, could you substitute the sink for a coffee mug or grans best china? [Post edited 25 Feb 2017 11:07]
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 11:15 - Feb 25 with 919 views | dickythorpe |
This is comedy gold!!!!
Perch, you forgot try to have blond kids, all else hand over to local authorities.
"Uphill gardening".....deliberate or innocent?  |  | | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 11:18 - Feb 25 with 914 views | SoberBaker |
| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 11:15 - Feb 25 by dickythorpe |
This is comedy gold!!!!
Perch, you forgot try to have blond kids, all else hand over to local authorities.
"Uphill gardening".....deliberate or innocent? |
Init.
This thread has massive potential.
I am on the lash this afternoon so am looking forward to logging in later to inspect the carnage.
Do your worst you slags! | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 11:37 - Feb 25 with 894 views | Lord_Bony |
Well I was quite enthralled by the advice of Mr.Perch...until I got to section 11 and 12.
Kind of put me off my full English breakfast the thought of him partaking for an hour....  |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 11:37 - Feb 25 with 894 views | Ebo |
Loyal 1....2.....3.... |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 13:34 - Feb 25 with 817 views | perchrockjack |
Look ,it's no joke.
Sticking one s penis into your grands best China?
Ffs ,just what s happening down there.
My grandad slurped his tea from a saucer, possibly because he was a Carmarthenshire boy at heart
I see a few button mushrooms at the gym...lads on steroids really.
If one is of modest statute ,then , I d suggest simply wrapping one s member in a towel after rinsing
It's important to rinse
If you re on the large side of average , then shaving not only balls and sac but also lower abdomen sends a good signal to ladies or men that you are clean and any oral action won't be like the cheese section of a Deli | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 13:53 - Feb 25 with 794 views | Jack_Meoff |
| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 13:34 - Feb 25 by perchrockjack |
Look ,it's no joke.
Sticking one s penis into your grands best China?
Ffs ,just what s happening down there.
My grandad slurped his tea from a saucer, possibly because he was a Carmarthenshire boy at heart
I see a few button mushrooms at the gym...lads on steroids really.
If one is of modest statute ,then , I d suggest simply wrapping one s member in a towel after rinsing
It's important to rinse
If you re on the large side of average , then shaving not only balls and sac but also lower abdomen sends a good signal to ladies or men that you are clean and any oral action won't be like the cheese section of a Deli |
Pure internet gold, love it
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| If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face--forever. |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 13:59 - Feb 25 with 784 views | exiledclaseboy |
This has gone straight to number one on the list of threads I wish I'd never clicked on. It's disturbing. |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 14:01 - Feb 25 with 780 views | perchrockjack |
You be got a White dog Andrew, a clear sign of a very tidy mind | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 19:05 - Feb 25 with 704 views | waynekerr55 |
| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 13:34 - Feb 25 by perchrockjack |
Look ,it's no joke.
Sticking one s penis into your grands best China?
Ffs ,just what s happening down there.
My grandad slurped his tea from a saucer, possibly because he was a Carmarthenshire boy at heart
I see a few button mushrooms at the gym...lads on steroids really.
If one is of modest statute ,then , I d suggest simply wrapping one s member in a towel after rinsing
It's important to rinse
If you re on the large side of average , then shaving not only balls and sac but also lower abdomen sends a good signal to ladies or men that you are clean and any oral action won't be like the cheese section of a Deli |
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 20:39 - Feb 25 with 662 views | waynekerr55 |
On a serious note, to add to my good chum's recommendations:
- avoid "low fat labelled" foods, they're pumped full of sugar
- eat fruit instead of smoothies, again as the sugar is processed differently
- all calories are not equal
- eat more fat, you probably don't eat enough
- consider swapping carbs for vegetables or protein (nuts instead of crisps for example) | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 20:43 - Feb 25 with 660 views | perchrockjack |
Bit downbeat right now
Wales lost
Swans too
Done a meal and it wasn't that good
Hope decent white and Hamaz Dan will make lady perch fruity later
It's a bit flat right now and I've gorragrordi do the dishes too but I ll wear her pinny
Pinny ,for young viewers is what Welsh mama wore...always | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 21:10 - Feb 25 with 626 views | waynekerr55 |
| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 20:43 - Feb 25 by perchrockjack |
Bit downbeat right now
Wales lost
Swans too
Done a meal and it wasn't that good
Hope decent white and Hamaz Dan will make lady perch fruity later
It's a bit flat right now and I've gorragrordi do the dishes too but I ll wear her pinny
Pinny ,for young viewers is what Welsh mama wore...always |
Gorragrordi?
Isn't that one of the new Hull signings? | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 00:36 - Feb 26 with 560 views | Loyal |
Richie the good cop bad cop said -
13. Gardening uphill or on the flat is an excellent way of staying fit and it ll improve your complextion
I know, it has a minefield of responses.
Personally hammering one out over the neighbours knickers whilst they dry on the line is enough exercise for me. I have also w@nked on her dog as well. But that's not for health reasons. |  |
| Nolan sympathiser, clout expert, personal friend of Leigh Dineen, advocate and enforcer of porridge swallows.
The official inventor of the tit w@nk. | | Poll: | Who should be Swansea number 1 |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 00:48 - Feb 26 with 558 views | phact0rri |
Having a laugh for sure.
Cutting out the bits you like can be deprimental for enjoying a healthier life. Instead less is more. Don't be a glutton for sweets and crisps, have a few and enjoy it. Drink a bit but don't over do it.
Eat modestly, if your on a weight loss eat more with less quantity. Have fruits instead of just sweets all the time. fine a few you enjoy, and have one up as snack. Apples, and bananas are great.
Be more active, but keep an eye on creating a natural routine. Don't get stuck in on your first month. instead go light and make it comfortable, and slowly start working up to your limits. Get use to the stiffness in your muscles, but don't push it so you are in massive pain and need to take a few days away. putting exercise in your regular rotation and making it a normal bit of your day will have you keep it up. As you know its a thing you do.
Bonus points: Go vegan. :D |  |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 05:51 - Feb 26 with 533 views | Lord_Bony |
Folks my advice to you is this...
Don't drink a lot.
Don't do sex much and chase women and have dirty thoughts 200 times a day.
Don't do drugs.
Don't eat cakes and biscuits and all the things that are bad for you.
Cut out the booze totally.
Go to church more often and pray.
Get out on those Welsh hills and you walk...and I mean walk whilst praying to your god,whoever he or she may be.
Bottom line.....you won't necessarily live longer....but it will sure feel that way. | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 10:00 - Feb 26 with 463 views | perchrockjack |
It's ok to rest properly
By the way, when at gym, 20 mins vigorous is better than an hour cruising
Get breathless ,pant and work that heart
Clean up afterwards | |
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| Perch Guide to a healthier lifestyle on 17:40 - Feb 26 with 389 views | Wingstandwood |
Another bit of advice that can be truly life saving and can even prevent future illness!
1. Have a regular blood pressure and diabetes check because these two conditions both on their own and together are responsible for heart failure/disease, strokes, sight loss, circulatory problems, vascular dementia, kidney failure/disease etc. There are so many people that are walking around with these diabetes/high blood pressure completely undiagnosed.
2. Have a regular eye test to prevent/lessen, slow down the effects of glaucoma, macular degeneration etc. I know a lady with macular degeneration whom lost vision in totally unexpected/sudden circumstances because she did not have a regular eye test. There is a treatment (lucentis) that can now help with for some (not all) AMD patients. |  |
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