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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 91827 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 14:41 - Oct 13 with 4149 viewsEsox_Lucius

My doctor told me that I would be unable to create poetry because of my dyslexia.

Well I proved him wrong, because I've made three pots and a vase!!!

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 15:05 - Oct 13 with 4134 viewsEsox_Lucius

Punctuation; the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 15:14 - Oct 15 with 3945 viewsEsox_Lucius

Whilst I was on holiday in Thailand I nearly shagged a ladyboy. She looked like a lady, she walked like a lady and kissed like a lady.
It was only when she drove me back to her place and reversed parked into her garage the first time that I realised it was a man.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 16:30 - Oct 16 with 3810 viewsEsox_Lucius

I said to my doctor,
“I've got a problem with the hearing in one of my ears."
He said, "Are you sure?"
I said, "Yes, I'm definite."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3

Corny Joke Warning on 01:27 - Oct 17 with 3728 viewsBoston

What has four wheels and flies?

A bin lorry

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 10:21 - Oct 17 with 3671 viewsEsox_Lucius

Man to Librarian "Do you have the new book about small penises? "
Librarian "It's Not In Yet".
Man ." Yes ! That's the one ".

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 10:27 - Oct 17 with 3660 viewsMick_S

I've just got back from the hospital because someone fired a peanut into my ear with a catapult, it stung like hell and I couldn't get it out so I tried to prise it out with a cotton bud but that just pushed it in further.

Panic set in so I went to the A&E where they tried to dislodge it forceps and then they tried to syringe it out, nothing worked until a nurse, poured some hot chocolate into my ear.

It hurt like hell, but when it covered the peanut and solidified..... it came out a treat !

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:26 - Oct 17 with 3591 viewsjohncharles

Corny Joke Warning on 10:27 - Oct 17 by Mick_S

I've just got back from the hospital because someone fired a peanut into my ear with a catapult, it stung like hell and I couldn't get it out so I tried to prise it out with a cotton bud but that just pushed it in further.

Panic set in so I went to the A&E where they tried to dislodge it forceps and then they tried to syringe it out, nothing worked until a nurse, poured some hot chocolate into my ear.

It hurt like hell, but when it covered the peanut and solidified..... it came out a treat !


That’s got to be the corniest

Strong and stable my arse.

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:32 - Oct 17 with 3587 viewsjohncharles

Heard this somewhere recently.
There once was a shepherd from Greece
Who did unspeakable things with geese
He went too far
With the budgerigar
And the parrot called the police

Strong and stable my arse.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 11:22 - Oct 18 with 3445 viewsEsox_Lucius

Just worked out why my laptop says hello every time I open it,
It's a Dell

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 11:30 - Oct 18 with 3441 viewshopphoops

Corny Joke Warning on 20:26 - Oct 17 by johncharles

That’s got to be the corniest


I revelled in it.

A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Poll: When will the next election date be announced?

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Corny Joke Warning on 11:34 - Oct 18 with 3432 viewsMick_S

Corny Joke Warning on 11:30 - Oct 18 by hopphoops

I revelled in it.


That's Quality Street.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 13:31 - Oct 18 with 3366 viewsTripper

Paddy takes his mates back to see his new flat and after a few more beers one of the lads asks him what's the big brass gong hanging on the wall, Paddy says "It's my speaking clock" "How does it work?" his mate asks.

"I'll show you" and Paddy hits it full pelt with a claw hammer.

A voice from next yells "For f*cks sake you c*nt, it's twenty to three in the morning !!!"
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:45 - Oct 18 with 3329 viewsEsox_Lucius

I had an urgent need to contact the Suppository Helpline. I can't believe how rude the person on the other end was to me.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 14:46 - Oct 18 with 3327 viewsEsox_Lucius

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

I can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3
Corny Joke Warning on 15:27 - Oct 18 with 3307 viewsMick_S

Corny Joke Warning on 11:22 - Oct 18 by Esox_Lucius

Just worked out why my laptop says hello every time I open it,
It's a Dell


I hated my computer when I first got it, but it's started to grow on me - it's an acer.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 13:04 - Oct 19 with 3173 viewsMick_S

-My wife went on a sailing course in Poole
-In Dorset?
-Yes, she’d recommend it to anyone.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

6

Corny Joke Warning on 10:22 - Oct 24 with 2894 viewsEsox_Lucius

Although my ex wife and I are divorced we still live together on our goat farm, it's important we stay together for the kids.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 10:26 - Oct 24 with 2885 viewsMick_S

Corny Joke Warning on 10:22 - Oct 24 by Esox_Lucius

Although my ex wife and I are divorced we still live together on our goat farm, it's important we stay together for the kids.




That's awful.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 10:31 - Oct 24 with 2879 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 10:26 - Oct 24 by Mick_S



That's awful.


Well it IS a corny joke thread LOL

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 08:09 - Oct 26 with 2678 viewsWokingR

There are a lot of very worried dyslexics out there.

Apparently their cocks turn black this weekend
3

Corny Joke Warning on 14:36 - Oct 26 with 2625 viewsEsox_Lucius

The Liverpool manager is leaving to return to Germany today with all his family. Asked why he said "I am fed up of people telling me the Klopps must go back this weekend".

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 08:21 - Oct 30 with 2514 viewsEsox_Lucius

My mentor just told me that I should give up my dreams of becoming a mime artist.
I asked "Was it something I said?"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 09:49 - Oct 31 with 2362 viewsMick_S

“I was walking along today and on the road I saw a small baby ghost. Although thinking about it, it might have been a handkerchief.”

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 12:47 - Oct 31 with 2328 viewsSpanishranger

Corny Joke Warning on 11:19 - Sep 27 by Esox_Lucius

Little Ray was sat in class being taught English.
Teacher: "Would someone like to give me a sentence using the word contagious?, how about you Ray?"
Ray: "We had a decorator come around to paint the walls of our house; he used a 1" paintbrush, it took the contagious"


In the same lesson, the teacher asked the meaning of "indifferent".
Little Ray put his hand up and told the teacher it meant marvellous.
Teacher: that's a good effort Ray, but not the right answer. Why do you think indifferent means marvellous?
Little Ray: Well miss, last night I got up and went to get a glass of water. As I passed mummy and daddy's room, mummy let out a little scream and said "oooooh that's marvellous and daddy said, yes, it's in different.
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