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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 89587 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 21:09 - Oct 1 with 1983 viewsacricketer

Knock knock

Who's there?

Europe

Europe who?

No you're a poo!
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:17 - Oct 1 with 1979 viewsacricketer

what's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:27 - Oct 1 with 1969 viewsacricketer

I remember the last time I stayed in a nice hotel. I took the opportunity to do a little people watching. It looked like they were setting up for some kind of a chess championship at the weekend and I couldn't help listening in on what turned out to be bunch of chess grand masters bragging about their games in the hotel lobby.

I had a moment of pure joy when I realised how long it had been since I had seen chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:34 - Oct 1 with 1960 viewsacricketer

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete information
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:39 - Oct 1 with 1907 viewsjohann28

I've got a new job - it's running a dating site for chickens.

It's so hard making ends meet.
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Corny Joke Warning on 18:15 - Oct 2 with 1713 viewsEsox_Lucius

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.

"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."

"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 21:21 - Oct 2 with 1665 viewsdontknowitall

God calls down to Noah and says, "I have an urgent task for you, I need you to build an ark. You must make it big, i want it to have many levels."

Noah asks of God "Would you also like me to collect two of each animal?"

God says "No, just fill it with fish"

"Fish?" asks Noah

"Carp specifically" says God

"Why?" asks Noah

"I'm not sure, i just like the idea of a multi-story carp ark"
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Corny Joke Warning on 19:20 - Oct 3 with 1558 viewsstevec

They’re building a new station to give better access to Tottenham’s new stadium.

It’s going to be called Seven 2 Sisters tube station.
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:12 - Oct 5 with 1433 viewsEsox_Lucius

I have been invited to give a talk at the local constipation support group meeting but I can't go.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 12:05 - Oct 6 with 1337 viewsEsox_Lucius

I was all alone in the house for a few hours so I thought I would go and relax in a hot bath. It was a big shock when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 14:37 - Oct 6 with 1292 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 12:05 - Oct 6 by Esox_Lucius

I was all alone in the house for a few hours so I thought I would go and relax in a hot bath. It was a big shock when I felt a tap on my shoulder.


...did you manage to faucet away?

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 09:36 - Oct 9 with 1124 viewsEsox_Lucius

When I was a kid, two of my neighbours used to go to Stamford Bridge for every home game, wait until about 10 minutes after kick off then climb over the wall. One day they were seen by a policeman who made them both go back in and watch the rest of the game.
[Post edited 9 Oct 13:11]

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

5

Corny Joke Warning on 22:32 - Oct 10 with 922 viewsacricketer

I just watched a documentary about beavers.It was the best dam show I ever saw!
2

Corny Joke Warning on 22:33 - Oct 10 with 919 viewsacricketer

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.That’s just how I roll.
2

Corny Joke Warning on 22:34 - Oct 10 with 918 viewsacricketer

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:36 - Oct 10 with 916 viewsacricketer

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:36 - Oct 10 with 913 viewsacricketer

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Oct 10 with 910 viewsacricketer

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:44 - Oct 10 with 901 viewsacricketer

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.

Then she noticed me so we went for a run.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:46 - Oct 10 with 899 viewsacricketer

I was sitting next to my girlfriend when I said, “I love you.”

She said, “Is that you or the beer talking?”

I said, “It’s me talking to the beer.”
1

Corny Joke Warning on 08:25 - Oct 11 with 828 viewsEsox_Lucius

I used to go out with a girl who must have thought I was a ventriloquist; she was always asking me to put my hand up her skirt and move her lips.
[Post edited 11 Oct 12:29]

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 12:03 - Oct 11 with 768 viewsMick_S

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

We now call him Dr. Awkward.

“About a month before he died, my grandfather covered his back full of lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.”
[Post edited 11 Oct 12:06]

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

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Corny Joke Warning on 12:09 - Oct 11 with 759 viewsloftboy

A man has been arrested after a man was caught jumping into a combine harvester, police say he has been bailed!!

favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
Poll: France or Croatia

1

Corny Joke Warning on 12:12 - Oct 11 with 754 viewsMick_S

“Act your age, not your shoe size ... that means something different on the Continent.”

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 00:03 - Oct 12 with 688 viewsacricketer

So my dog, Minton, ate a shuttlecock last night.

Bad Minton!
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