| More to life 08:17 - Aug 14 with 30915 views | mart_Goblin |
Monday the 10th August was supposed to be a new adventure and an exciting new chapter in my family’s life. After a whole summer of huge stress looking for a new place to rent and having no joy due to legislation that came in on May 1st that was supposed to help renters , but actually crippled us and our individual financial situation, we had finally found somewhere to call home .
This was turned on its head whilst loading the 3rd van load of stuff from old flat to new, when my beautiful wife had a catastrophic stroke.
It’s hard to describe that feeling of helplessness and terror that you feel when this happens to a loved one and hard to comprehend the terror they must be feeling .
It was a major bleed on the brain. But when we went in on Tuesday to see her in the acute stroke unit. She greeted us with a smile and asked “I’ve been waiting for you, where have you been?”
She had no movement in her left arm and her speech was mumbled and quiet but you could just about understand her.
I left on Tuesday feeling happier and upbeat that she will be ok.
When we arrived Wednesday she was completely different.
She barely acknowledged us . She couldn’t open her eyes .
She remained asleep .
Yesterday morning I was called to the hospital urgently.
She’d had another stroke, this time a blood clot .
She was rushed to Charing Cross to have life saving surgery .
We got to see her briefly late last night as she was placed in an induced coma.
Next week will be her 49th birthday .
This post isn’t about sympathy. It’s mainly about 3 things.
Firstly , myself, my step daughter and my wife’s mother have a large support unit of wonderful family and friends . But somehow writing things down to me is therapeutic and lets me get some of this out of me in a way that I can’t explain . I don’t really do social media . Odd Instagram post but I’ve given up on it really. So this board and network feels like a sort of home to me .
Which leads me to point 2.
Life is more important than bickering about Nourry, Sir Les, Mbengue, Paul Smyth or whoever .
It just doesn’t matter on the grand scale of things . We all share different views so don’t get to irate and angry with each other .
On the flip side , this club really really important to some people . Rangers are a lifeblood to many .
So , if this IS your passion then we should all try to understand that too . This is a great board full of insight and different people, spearheaded by one of the best football writers in the land .
Apparently it’s taken some pot shots from other people recently.
Defend this board . It’s played an important role in all our lives to some degree .
And lastly , I need to learn and start gathering info on how on Earth I come to terms with what’s happened and the future , whatever that is , that lies ahead for us as a family .
The process of trying to help the paralysis on her left side is now secondary. It’s now about keeping her alive . Some of you must have gone through similar or know people who have, so any advice or knowledge that can be passed over will be a lot of help to me . I’ll be given leaflets and phone numbers , I know . But hearing real accounts , however good or bad will help just as much to how I go forward . DM me if you’d rather .
I will check later to see if there have been any advice given in reply to this but I’m not really thinking about Rangers right now.
Late last night as I trudged sorrowfully around Sainsburys, buying stuff just for myself which in itself broke my heart , a guy stopped me (I had a QPR top on of sorts) and he wanted to talk about last Saturday. I politely explained that I was busy preparing to move home so didn’t go and briefly told him what happened since .
This guy stood and chatted to me about his own health issues , how he knows what I’m going through and offering a hand of friendship he offered to be there if I needed him.
Never met him before . But our link was this wonderful club .
That’s the bond . So have opinions and have them with passion , but never forgot that we are in this together. QPR fans .
So thanks Eddie. You gave me hope when I felt like I had none .
Mart
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| More to life on 15:55 - Aug 14 with 2874 views | loftboy |
Beet wishes and thoughts for you and your wife. Can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. |  |
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| More to life on 15:57 - Aug 14 with 2878 views | Scarecrow |
Hi Matt
Thanks for your bravery in posting details.
Some advise, embrace your family, good friends at such time, if required seek medical support to help you through your challenge.
I also went through a unexpected family challenge, and apart from family and good friends, the QPR family was a great platform in keeping my head above water.
Dont be proud or shy in asking others for help, life can be kind when needed.
Wishing you great strenght at this time. |  | | |
| More to life on 15:58 - Aug 14 with 2872 views | Match82 |
My sympathies Mart.
I am here to offer a little hope. About 15 years ago I got a call from my dad I was never expecting -your mum has had a mild stroke and she's in hospital but she's stable. Complete shock and I started looking at flights home. Next day I got another call - she's had an aneurysm, you need to get home immediately. Essentially, it's got worse, she might not not make it or might never be the same again. I got on the next flight and went to visit her. She was in real rough shape, recognized me but wasn't with it, couldn't count to 5 when she woke up at all, we thought this might be it.
Within a year or two, and still 15 years later, she's made an incredible recovery, way better than the doctors best case scenario. Memory is a little rough and she's at maybe 90% of the energy/stamina that she had previously, but other than that barely a sign, to the point where when I'm with her I always forget about that incident unless something brings it up. The doctors said that they believe a big part of the extent of her recovery was that she was really young to have a stroke (about 60 at the time)
Every situation is different, but I hope this gives you some hope that however dark it looks, the human body is remarkable at confounding expectations and while your mind is automatically going to go to dark places, there are paths to the future being brighter than you can imagine right now. |  | | |
| More to life on 16:02 - Aug 14 with 2812 views | PlanetHonneywood |
| More to life on 11:31 - Aug 14 by ted_hendrix |
Mart I'm gobsmacked for you, I've had quite a few minor strokes and there's no point me waffling any advice re the strokes all I can say with any confidence Is your Wife Is being cared for by the best hard working human beings on this Planet.
Last Friday 30th July was my 76th Birthday and I had an appointment at the excellent JR Hospital in Oxford, with my Wife and my youngest Son who drove us there.
Went through the body scanner (awful experience) within an hour the Consultant called us In and explained that I have Pancreatic cancer.
Okay, right what do we do next? well I've got an oncology appointments booked Immediately the Oncology nurse has got my Wife's number and I'm drowning In new prescription medicine, It's all bit hazy but I look at my Wife and She's In control.
Only thing I would suggest and I get the feeling you probably will be doing as soon as you visit your Wife the first thing to do Is have a big smile on your face and hold her hand.
I am so so lucky to have the Oxfordshire Health Authority, a nurse wouldn't let me walk out of the Hospital yesterday She took me In the lift down Six floors In a wheelchair and Into the waiting NHS taxi. I was humbled.
I'm with you 100% |
Blimey, Edward...hard reading stuff as well.
Keep going fella, and have a hug too. [Post edited 14 Aug 16:16]
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| More to life on 16:19 - Aug 14 with 2728 views | ericgen34 |
Terrible stuff to read here :( Best of luck Mart & Ted! |  | | |
| More to life on 17:03 - Aug 14 with 2646 views | Beckenhamhoop |
I echo all the thoughts and wishes on here Mart. Stay strong.
I know it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things but I wonder if Mart should be allowed the honour of starting the new seasons first Match thread? |  |
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| More to life on 17:18 - Aug 14 with 2589 views | patrickqpr |
Mart ,Ned and Ted. My thoughts and prayers are with you. What a wonderful community on his board. | | | |
| More to life on 17:23 - Aug 14 with 2568 views | R_from_afar |
So sorry to hear your news, Mart  . You are in my thoughts and prayers. It's a brutal thing you are going through. I've never met you but like with so many posters on here, I feel I know you.
Don't be afraid to ask your friends and family for help, it won't be an inconvenience for them, they care and will genuinely want to help.
Rooting for you. |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| More to life on 17:28 - Aug 14 with 2557 views | PhilmyRs |
Sorry to hear the sad news (Mart, Ted and Ned). Must be terrible for you but echo all the thoughts and wishes on here. | | | |
| More to life on 18:28 - Aug 14 with 2449 views | numptydumpty |
Very best wishes to Ted and Ned also. Life can be tough at times and hope the both of you get great support from those around you also.
Wishing all well if they struggling with something major.
Its a very minor thing by way of comparison but hopefully QPR can put a smile on peoples faces this weekend. Ultimately, its just a distraction by way of things, so come on our team tomorrow... [Post edited 14 Aug 18:30]
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| More to life on 19:39 - Aug 14 with 2347 views | stevec |
So sad to read this, Mart and Ted. Hard to know what to say other than stay positive for both your families. |  | | |
| More to life on 19:44 - Aug 14 with 2345 views | G_Ottershaw |
| More to life on 18:28 - Aug 14 by numptydumpty |
Very best wishes to Ted and Ned also. Life can be tough at times and hope the both of you get great support from those around you also.
Wishing all well if they struggling with something major.
Its a very minor thing by way of comparison but hopefully QPR can put a smile on peoples faces this weekend. Ultimately, its just a distraction by way of things, so come on our team tomorrow... [Post edited 14 Aug 18:30]
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Truly tragic, your post really puts everything into perspective. I hope the days and weeks ahead bring some hope for all of you. | | | |
| More to life on 19:49 - Aug 14 with 2328 views | corse |
So sorry to read that. Have all my best wishes and hope. | | | |
| More to life on 20:10 - Aug 14 with 2297 views | Spaceman_P |
Sorry to hear what you're going through Mart, I hope everything from this point on is upwards in movement.
All the best to your wife and daughters. |  | | |
| More to life on 20:40 - Aug 14 with 2239 views | Aitch |
Mart, that's awful news and I sincerely wish your wife and your family all the best. My own experience with a family member having a stroke is that recovery can take a long time and patience, love and support will be vital tools. She's in the right place, being looked after by the right people. Hospitals can do some great work helping people that have had strokes these days. |  |
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| More to life on 20:48 - Aug 14 with 2221 views | Rsole |
Hi Mart
I cannot even imagine how to put myself in your situation and cope with it, so can completely understand why you would write it down to articulate the challenges.
I send you and everyone else in similar situations all my best wishes for whatever comes next and hope you can navigate your different paths through it all.
Football may well be a distant issue but a tight-knit community is a completely different matter and i hope this type of support helps.
Hold fast, mate. |  |
| Those possessed by devils, try and keep them under control a bit, can't you ?
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| More to life on 23:55 - Aug 14 with 2066 views | mart_Goblin |
Hope this brief but important message of thanks doesn’t get to lost on this thread, but thank you from the very bottom of my heart for every single post on here and to those who sent me private messages also.
I can’t explain what it meant to me earlier reading them all and you proved me right that this board is more than just football chit chat .
It’s a place of community and togetherness when it’s at its best .
I wept at some and took mental notes from others but thank you.
Ted and Ned. You guys are so strong . I’ve took strength from lots of posts , but yours in particular.
Thank you both for sharing and I’m with you both .
Please message me if you need anything at all .
I am truly humbled and my wife would be humbled and a little embarrassed.
As I write this I am full of angst and nerves.
She was supposed to have awoken this morning but as it stands she is still unconscious.
We know that the longer she is ‘asleep’ the worse the news will be.
So I pray I get a call in the morning that she is awake in some way.
She has to .
She just has to .
But thank you so much again x | | | |
| More to life on 00:08 - Aug 15 with 2037 views | hamptonhillhoop |
Gents,
I don't really have anything to add to what others have said but my thoughts are with all three of you. Mart, I can't imagine what you're going through, it's a horrendous situation to be dealing with. Ted, I've had experience of pancreatic cancer in my family and you have all my good wishes and hopes going forward. Ned, whatever you're dealing with, again I wish you well. I've enjoyed the posts by all three of you on this board over many years. There's nothing I can add to what others have said. Again, my thoughts are with you |  | | |
| More to life on 03:19 - Aug 15 with 1948 views | CLAREMAN1995 |
| More to life on 23:55 - Aug 14 by mart_Goblin |
Hope this brief but important message of thanks doesn’t get to lost on this thread, but thank you from the very bottom of my heart for every single post on here and to those who sent me private messages also.
I can’t explain what it meant to me earlier reading them all and you proved me right that this board is more than just football chit chat .
It’s a place of community and togetherness when it’s at its best .
I wept at some and took mental notes from others but thank you.
Ted and Ned. You guys are so strong . I’ve took strength from lots of posts , but yours in particular.
Thank you both for sharing and I’m with you both .
Please message me if you need anything at all .
I am truly humbled and my wife would be humbled and a little embarrassed.
As I write this I am full of angst and nerves.
She was supposed to have awoken this morning but as it stands she is still unconscious.
We know that the longer she is ‘asleep’ the worse the news will be.
So I pray I get a call in the morning that she is awake in some way.
She has to .
She just has to .
But thank you so much again x |
I really all your posts Mart very fair and balenced but the 2 on this thread are heartbreaking and we all feel weak and powerless to help just praying she pulls out of it .Please God by the time you read these late posts she is awake and asking for you and on the road to recovery baby steps at a time and you can continue your adventures together .Peace |  | | |
| More to life on 05:21 - Aug 15 with 1888 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Just read latest posts, and saw reference to Ned. So I worked back and big hug to you as well.
Stay strong the three of you. | |
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| More to life on 07:02 - Aug 15 with 1803 views | dmm |
Mart, we're with you in heart and spirit. You've got a whole group of us standing with you. Keep posting, mate. |  | | |
| More to life on 08:01 - Aug 15 with 1745 views | scot1963 |
Thoughts are with you Mart and for the recovery of your wife.
My mum was in a very bad way in a coma after surgeries on her brain and they said there was no hope and they were going to stop what they were doing to keep her alive. I talked to her and told her she needed to wake up as this was the final chance and we played her some of her favourite music (Tom Jones would you believe) and that was when she reacted . She made it somehow and she wasn't the 'vegetable' the doctors said she would be. I have the best memories of her final few years and if she was ever depressed with her situation I told her she had to remember what a miracle she was as they gave her no chance. So my thought is that there is hope in the most dire situation and the body and brain are amazing things that can recover when all seems hopeless (and play her some of her favourite music if you are able) |  | | |
| More to life on 08:10 - Aug 15 with 1715 views | JamesB1979 |
Mart, sorry to hear this. Thoughts with you, your wife and family. As you say, I do think it helps to share things either writing or talking to others. Too many people keep things locked inside. Stay strong mate. | | | |
| More to life on 08:14 - Aug 15 with 1708 views | southbound_tram |
Sad reading. My family wishes your wife and family all the best. | | | |
| More to life on 08:55 - Aug 15 with 1652 views | Spaceman_P |
| More to life on 23:55 - Aug 14 by mart_Goblin |
Hope this brief but important message of thanks doesn’t get to lost on this thread, but thank you from the very bottom of my heart for every single post on here and to those who sent me private messages also.
I can’t explain what it meant to me earlier reading them all and you proved me right that this board is more than just football chit chat .
It’s a place of community and togetherness when it’s at its best .
I wept at some and took mental notes from others but thank you.
Ted and Ned. You guys are so strong . I’ve took strength from lots of posts , but yours in particular.
Thank you both for sharing and I’m with you both .
Please message me if you need anything at all .
I am truly humbled and my wife would be humbled and a little embarrassed.
As I write this I am full of angst and nerves.
She was supposed to have awoken this morning but as it stands she is still unconscious.
We know that the longer she is ‘asleep’ the worse the news will be.
So I pray I get a call in the morning that she is awake in some way.
She has to .
She just has to .
But thank you so much again x |
I meant to uplike this not downlike | | | |
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