| " I want to die" .please discuss 08:51 - Jun 1 with 4570 views | moonie |
When this is spoken to you.
Yesterday my missus pops over to lady of 94 who lives over the road in large bungalow. She s been on her own for thirty five years .
She says to Wifey..." I ve had enough and want to die
What does one possibly say in those circumstances
Please don't derail |  | | |  |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 09:03 - Jun 1 with 3008 views | jackal |
Awful to hear.
I think this poor woman needs friendship and someone who cares. |  | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 09:10 - Jun 1 with 2984 views | Neath_Jack |
The first question to ask her is if she has been feeling suicidal and to what extent she has, if she answers yes.
If she’s thought about it in detail then you contact the local crash team immediately.
If she hasn’t, then just offer support and if necessary accompany her to support groups and/or the doctors.
Do not ignore it. |  |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 09:10 - Jun 1 with 2983 views | moonie |
She has family who call no here regularly .
She has neighbours who do her shopping and my wife sits with her several times per week.
She is able to get about albeit very gingerly and being quite wealthy has no issues with keeping warm or eating. It's simply the fact she feels it's time to go her being tired of everything.
My own father told me exactly the same less than a month ago.
It's very hard to say anything when a mind is so made up.
Both these indivuduals above would have availed themselves of Euthanasia ,if legal. | | | |
| (No subject) on 09:24 - Jun 1 with 2949 views | oldcob |
If it was how all old people felt, it would be tragic, but to put into perspective I am approaching 74, considered old by most on this site. I have been living (with treatment) with advanced cancer the last couple of years. Believe me I want to live and enjoy every last second, and expect to be around for some years yet. I pity this lady, but can't understand it. [Post edited 1 Jun 2018 15:13]
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 09:46 - Jun 1 with 2893 views | swan65split |
its normally a sign of depression or loneliness. if she is housebound and relying on relatives and close friends to call, there are going to be times when she is going to feel alone, sadly our modern day tv doesn't seem to cater for the elderly.
try and let one of her relatives know the situation, and contact support groups/docs etc. |  | | |
| (No subject) on 09:56 - Jun 1 with 2874 views | Johnw102 |
| (No subject) on 09:24 - Jun 1 by oldcob |
If it was how all old people felt, it would be tragic, but to put into perspective I am approaching 74, considered old by most on this site. I have been living (with treatment) with advanced cancer the last couple of years. Believe me I want to live and enjoy every last second, and expect to be around for some years yet. I pity this lady, but can't understand it. [Post edited 1 Jun 2018 15:13]
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I am even a more ancient coffin dodger 76 still season ticket holder and go to all home games and some away, so feel qualified to speak on this subject. I am in reasonably good health, joints ache and stiff at times, but brain and body functioning well. While I have all that going for me I want to live as long as I can, but should I get taken ill where I become bed ridden, sitting on some giant nappy, then yes I would want to go. I have seen so many good friends leave this life in this undignified way and do not want to put my family through that. If the lady concerned is in good health then by all means support her, I do a bit with helping old people and I have found that taking them out for a ride in the car to places they grew up in gives them a bit of pleasure. So many old people sit in doors all day seeing nobody, highlight for them is someone (even Mormons) knocking at the door and talking to them. So if you have a couple of mins free during your day go and visit an old person living nearby and talk and more importantly listen to them. Sorry if I have rambled on and strayed from OPs post. Now of for ramble with the dog. My ambition to be caught and shot by a jealous husband when I am 98! Have a good day all. |  |
| Never knew getting old would happen so quick! |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 10:12 - Jun 1 with 2848 views | Joe_bradshaw |
In August 2016 on the day we beat Burnley in the first game of the season I got a call early morning to say that my mother was on her way to hospital with breathing difficulties. This was the fourth time that year she’d been taken in for the same thing.
When I got there she had the oxygen mask on as usual but seemed unusually agitated. She told me to take the mask off. I told her I couldn’t take the mask off and, anyway, it was keeping her alive. She persisted and I asked to see the ward manager. After some discussion a doctor came along and told me that my mother wouldn’t be able to breathe without the oxygen and the steroids that were being administered. I went back to my mother and we had the same conversation as before except this time she told me that her time was up and she wanted to die peacefully without “all this paraphernalia and drugs”.
I requested a meeting with the doctor and told her what my mother was saying. The doctor said she would have a chat with her. The doc told my mother clearly that the oxygen and steroids were keeping her alive and without them she would have difficulty breathing putting strain on her heart (she had a bypass and replacement valve 12 years earlier). My mother was adamant that she wanted to die. The doctor asked her some questions in order to ascertain that she was of sound mind. My mother sussed this almost straight away (my father had died of dementia 18 months earlier) and told the doc she knew exactly what she was doing.
The oxygen and drugs were withdrawn. My mother had no difficulty breathing, was peaceful and by 8 o clock in the evening told me to go home. I told her I would be back first thing in the morning and she told me “Iwon’t be here then”. I didn’t believe her but it was a prolonged cwtch when I left.
I left the house at 7 to travel to the hospital in Bridgend and as I pulled into the car park my phone went. It was the hospital telling me that my mother had died.
Mam was very much in control in life and at the end she was very much in control of her death. Compared to my father’s death from dementia and both my parents in law (cancer) it was dignified and, looking back, a better experience all round. Of course, not many people have the circumstances at the end that allow them to have any say. |  |
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| (No subject) on 10:20 - Jun 1 with 2827 views | Shaky |
Very moving account, JB.
I think acceptance is a part of a "normal" death (ie not through an accident, murder, etc).
In life we are prepared to fight for it, and can for example perform superhuman feats of strength to sustain it saving loved ones etc.
Belief and will-power can overcome, and help us to shape our own reality. Then when for whatever reason realisation sets in that we are done, that is in fact the end. [Post edited 1 Jun 2018 10:22]
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:16 - Jun 1 with 2724 views | moonie |
Thanks for some great responses. Much appreciated
She s been over again ,just now , and she s trying t put out her washing .
She s not suicidal ,Jay ,just fed up she cannot do what she was able to and it's hard for a previously active woman to deal with .
Many of us older ones cannot do what we used to . My wrists are a real issue and affects my guitar playing as it hurts to do barre chords. It's why I bought a banjo. As less stretching of the hands and wrists.
My ma had bowel cancer and suffered for weeks before going to doctors by which time it was too late . She wanted to die no question because of the pain and inability to eat .
My father simply was self pitying and it was worse to deal with .
No would have taken the ultimate get out option if available in the UK
Something to ponder over ,folks ,innit | | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:16 - Jun 1 with 2724 views | sainthelens |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 10:12 - Jun 1 by Joe_bradshaw |
In August 2016 on the day we beat Burnley in the first game of the season I got a call early morning to say that my mother was on her way to hospital with breathing difficulties. This was the fourth time that year she’d been taken in for the same thing.
When I got there she had the oxygen mask on as usual but seemed unusually agitated. She told me to take the mask off. I told her I couldn’t take the mask off and, anyway, it was keeping her alive. She persisted and I asked to see the ward manager. After some discussion a doctor came along and told me that my mother wouldn’t be able to breathe without the oxygen and the steroids that were being administered. I went back to my mother and we had the same conversation as before except this time she told me that her time was up and she wanted to die peacefully without “all this paraphernalia and drugs”.
I requested a meeting with the doctor and told her what my mother was saying. The doctor said she would have a chat with her. The doc told my mother clearly that the oxygen and steroids were keeping her alive and without them she would have difficulty breathing putting strain on her heart (she had a bypass and replacement valve 12 years earlier). My mother was adamant that she wanted to die. The doctor asked her some questions in order to ascertain that she was of sound mind. My mother sussed this almost straight away (my father had died of dementia 18 months earlier) and told the doc she knew exactly what she was doing.
The oxygen and drugs were withdrawn. My mother had no difficulty breathing, was peaceful and by 8 o clock in the evening told me to go home. I told her I would be back first thing in the morning and she told me “Iwon’t be here then”. I didn’t believe her but it was a prolonged cwtch when I left.
I left the house at 7 to travel to the hospital in Bridgend and as I pulled into the car park my phone went. It was the hospital telling me that my mother had died.
Mam was very much in control in life and at the end she was very much in control of her death. Compared to my father’s death from dementia and both my parents in law (cancer) it was dignified and, looking back, a better experience all round. Of course, not many people have the circumstances at the end that allow them to have any say. |
Very moving JB. A couple of yrs I know, belated condolences to you. |  | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:18 - Jun 1 with 2707 views | Darran |
Not knowing the full facts I won’t be commenting I’ll leave that to all the Planetswans experts. |  |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:22 - Jun 1 with 2709 views | moonie |
Truly beyond.
If you don't have any comments then don't .Simple | | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:40 - Jun 1 with 2685 views | Neath_Jack |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:16 - Jun 1 by moonie |
Thanks for some great responses. Much appreciated
She s been over again ,just now , and she s trying t put out her washing .
She s not suicidal ,Jay ,just fed up she cannot do what she was able to and it's hard for a previously active woman to deal with .
Many of us older ones cannot do what we used to . My wrists are a real issue and affects my guitar playing as it hurts to do barre chords. It's why I bought a banjo. As less stretching of the hands and wrists.
My ma had bowel cancer and suffered for weeks before going to doctors by which time it was too late . She wanted to die no question because of the pain and inability to eat .
My father simply was self pitying and it was worse to deal with .
No would have taken the ultimate get out option if available in the UK
Something to ponder over ,folks ,innit |
I’m just telling you what I’ve been trained to do. Suicide amongst the older generation is more frequent than you probably realise.
Please don’t assume that she feels one way or another, you need to be certain.
It’s a terribly sad situation for her and all those who care about her.
Hopefully she will get all the support she needs. | |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:52 - Jun 1 with 2660 views | Dyfnant |
She also needs to discuss openly with her family so they’re aware if she wants resuscitation or not if required. |  |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 12:02 - Jun 1 with 2635 views | Sirjohnalot |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 10:12 - Jun 1 by Joe_bradshaw |
In August 2016 on the day we beat Burnley in the first game of the season I got a call early morning to say that my mother was on her way to hospital with breathing difficulties. This was the fourth time that year she’d been taken in for the same thing.
When I got there she had the oxygen mask on as usual but seemed unusually agitated. She told me to take the mask off. I told her I couldn’t take the mask off and, anyway, it was keeping her alive. She persisted and I asked to see the ward manager. After some discussion a doctor came along and told me that my mother wouldn’t be able to breathe without the oxygen and the steroids that were being administered. I went back to my mother and we had the same conversation as before except this time she told me that her time was up and she wanted to die peacefully without “all this paraphernalia and drugs”.
I requested a meeting with the doctor and told her what my mother was saying. The doctor said she would have a chat with her. The doc told my mother clearly that the oxygen and steroids were keeping her alive and without them she would have difficulty breathing putting strain on her heart (she had a bypass and replacement valve 12 years earlier). My mother was adamant that she wanted to die. The doctor asked her some questions in order to ascertain that she was of sound mind. My mother sussed this almost straight away (my father had died of dementia 18 months earlier) and told the doc she knew exactly what she was doing.
The oxygen and drugs were withdrawn. My mother had no difficulty breathing, was peaceful and by 8 o clock in the evening told me to go home. I told her I would be back first thing in the morning and she told me “Iwon’t be here then”. I didn’t believe her but it was a prolonged cwtch when I left.
I left the house at 7 to travel to the hospital in Bridgend and as I pulled into the car park my phone went. It was the hospital telling me that my mother had died.
Mam was very much in control in life and at the end she was very much in control of her death. Compared to my father’s death from dementia and both my parents in law (cancer) it was dignified and, looking back, a better experience all round. Of course, not many people have the circumstances at the end that allow them to have any say. |
JB,
That is one of the most beautiful and moving posts I’ve ever read. It must have been extremely difficult to write and even more hard to live through,
I hope you can take some small comfort in the love and relationship you had with your dear mum and that fact that she went out on her terms.
Sat in court, wiping a tear from my eye.
Take care and thank you for sharing this.
John |  | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 12:21 - Jun 1 with 2576 views | Darran |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 10:12 - Jun 1 by Joe_bradshaw |
In August 2016 on the day we beat Burnley in the first game of the season I got a call early morning to say that my mother was on her way to hospital with breathing difficulties. This was the fourth time that year she’d been taken in for the same thing.
When I got there she had the oxygen mask on as usual but seemed unusually agitated. She told me to take the mask off. I told her I couldn’t take the mask off and, anyway, it was keeping her alive. She persisted and I asked to see the ward manager. After some discussion a doctor came along and told me that my mother wouldn’t be able to breathe without the oxygen and the steroids that were being administered. I went back to my mother and we had the same conversation as before except this time she told me that her time was up and she wanted to die peacefully without “all this paraphernalia and drugs”.
I requested a meeting with the doctor and told her what my mother was saying. The doctor said she would have a chat with her. The doc told my mother clearly that the oxygen and steroids were keeping her alive and without them she would have difficulty breathing putting strain on her heart (she had a bypass and replacement valve 12 years earlier). My mother was adamant that she wanted to die. The doctor asked her some questions in order to ascertain that she was of sound mind. My mother sussed this almost straight away (my father had died of dementia 18 months earlier) and told the doc she knew exactly what she was doing.
The oxygen and drugs were withdrawn. My mother had no difficulty breathing, was peaceful and by 8 o clock in the evening told me to go home. I told her I would be back first thing in the morning and she told me “Iwon’t be here then”. I didn’t believe her but it was a prolonged cwtch when I left.
I left the house at 7 to travel to the hospital in Bridgend and as I pulled into the car park my phone went. It was the hospital telling me that my mother had died.
Mam was very much in control in life and at the end she was very much in control of her death. Compared to my father’s death from dementia and both my parents in law (cancer) it was dignified and, looking back, a better experience all round. Of course, not many people have the circumstances at the end that allow them to have any say. |
Beautiful Joe you must so proud of an amazing mother. | |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 12:35 - Jun 1 with 2555 views | moonie |
J .thanks . There is a difference ,as I'm sure you re aware ,of somebody actually wanting to die and one taking action to precipitate it .
JB
That s he easrt wrenching stuff | | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 13:24 - Jun 1 with 2470 views | swan65split |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 10:12 - Jun 1 by Joe_bradshaw |
In August 2016 on the day we beat Burnley in the first game of the season I got a call early morning to say that my mother was on her way to hospital with breathing difficulties. This was the fourth time that year she’d been taken in for the same thing.
When I got there she had the oxygen mask on as usual but seemed unusually agitated. She told me to take the mask off. I told her I couldn’t take the mask off and, anyway, it was keeping her alive. She persisted and I asked to see the ward manager. After some discussion a doctor came along and told me that my mother wouldn’t be able to breathe without the oxygen and the steroids that were being administered. I went back to my mother and we had the same conversation as before except this time she told me that her time was up and she wanted to die peacefully without “all this paraphernalia and drugs”.
I requested a meeting with the doctor and told her what my mother was saying. The doctor said she would have a chat with her. The doc told my mother clearly that the oxygen and steroids were keeping her alive and without them she would have difficulty breathing putting strain on her heart (she had a bypass and replacement valve 12 years earlier). My mother was adamant that she wanted to die. The doctor asked her some questions in order to ascertain that she was of sound mind. My mother sussed this almost straight away (my father had died of dementia 18 months earlier) and told the doc she knew exactly what she was doing.
The oxygen and drugs were withdrawn. My mother had no difficulty breathing, was peaceful and by 8 o clock in the evening told me to go home. I told her I would be back first thing in the morning and she told me “Iwon’t be here then”. I didn’t believe her but it was a prolonged cwtch when I left.
I left the house at 7 to travel to the hospital in Bridgend and as I pulled into the car park my phone went. It was the hospital telling me that my mother had died.
Mam was very much in control in life and at the end she was very much in control of her death. Compared to my father’s death from dementia and both my parents in law (cancer) it was dignified and, looking back, a better experience all round. Of course, not many people have the circumstances at the end that allow them to have any say. |
Very Moving, just reminded me of my own Mothers passing.
they may not be here in person, but always in our thoughts hey? | | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 13:36 - Jun 1 with 2443 views | Neath_Jack |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 12:35 - Jun 1 by moonie |
J .thanks . There is a difference ,as I'm sure you re aware ,of somebody actually wanting to die and one taking action to precipitate it .
JB
That s he easrt wrenching stuff |
There is indeed a difference, but unless the difficult questions are asked outright, we will never know.
Anyway, it's a sensitive subject, so i'm not going to keep on about it.
I wish her all the best. | |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 13:38 - Jun 1 with 2437 views | moonie |
Thanks Neathie and other contributors .
It's THE most sensitive subject we face | | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 13:45 - Jun 1 with 2416 views | dickythorpe |
Very moving thread and my sympathies to all. A very hard subject to articulate on.
End of life care in the UK needs looking at.
When a person is terminal and they say they want to die then you'd better believe it, I hope none will ever hear that from a loved one.
Syringe drivers were supposed to help the passing of someone who is dying, I have personal experience of someone slipping away within hours of being on one and experience of someone lasing nearly 3 weeks!
The old lady in moonie 's post has obviously lived to a grand age. Not much left to do especially when you are so tired.
What do we do to pets that get old and inactive....and they can't speak for themselves..... BUT we ease them from their suffering... HUMANE they call it. |  | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 13:51 - Jun 1 with 2400 views | moonie |
Today,she was ok which illustrates how careful we have to be with us.
" I want to die" doesn't mean that a person wants to either precipitate their death just the fact they are tired of living.
It's why euthanasia is very tricky and I'm undecided | | | |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 14:28 - Jun 1 with 2336 views | Darran |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 13:45 - Jun 1 by dickythorpe |
Very moving thread and my sympathies to all. A very hard subject to articulate on.
End of life care in the UK needs looking at.
When a person is terminal and they say they want to die then you'd better believe it, I hope none will ever hear that from a loved one.
Syringe drivers were supposed to help the passing of someone who is dying, I have personal experience of someone slipping away within hours of being on one and experience of someone lasing nearly 3 weeks!
The old lady in moonie 's post has obviously lived to a grand age. Not much left to do especially when you are so tired.
What do we do to pets that get old and inactive....and they can't speak for themselves..... BUT we ease them from their suffering... HUMANE they call it. |
Well said Dicky and all cases are different that’s why I’m not going to comment on this particular one.
This is an interesting one from a few weeks ago.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-43957874 | |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 08:15 - Jun 3 with 1908 views | Brynmill_Jack |
| " I want to die" .please discuss on 11:16 - Jun 1 by moonie |
Thanks for some great responses. Much appreciated
She s been over again ,just now , and she s trying t put out her washing .
She s not suicidal ,Jay ,just fed up she cannot do what she was able to and it's hard for a previously active woman to deal with .
Many of us older ones cannot do what we used to . My wrists are a real issue and affects my guitar playing as it hurts to do barre chords. It's why I bought a banjo. As less stretching of the hands and wrists.
My ma had bowel cancer and suffered for weeks before going to doctors by which time it was too late . She wanted to die no question because of the pain and inability to eat .
My father simply was self pitying and it was worse to deal with .
No would have taken the ultimate get out option if available in the UK
Something to ponder over ,folks ,innit |
Depression is deadly and strikes indiscriminately. I can see how the elderly could be more susceptible with the loss of a partner or having other health problems. Good thread and Joe's account about his mum very poignant. |  |
| Each time I go to Bedd - au........................ |
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| " I want to die" .please discuss on 09:04 - Jun 3 with 1870 views | moonie |
Steve. You might be aware I dealt with countless suicdes and nine were easy .
Young people seem very succeptible and more inclined to go for it. Our neighbour and indeed my own mother and father felt enough was enough and wanted to be taken rather than take it themselves .
My mother in law and many other old people have DNR notices in their houses and on their person | | | |
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