Please log in or register. Registered visitors get fewer ads.
Forum index | Previous Thread | Next thread
Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 92387 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 16:01 - Nov 2 with 4107 viewsEsox_Lucius

A weasel walks into a pub.
The barman goes "What can I get you?"
"Pop" goes the weasel.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 16:25 - Nov 2 with 4077 viewsEsox_Lucius

After Brexit the UK won't be able to obtain Venetian blinds. Well that's it then, it's curtains for us all.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 11:20 - Nov 3 with 3931 viewsLondon_Pride

OK - I can resist no longer - The Balloon Family Joke.

The Balloon Family go to bed one night but Baby Balloon can not sleep. He is bored. So eventually he gets up from bed and goes into his parents' bedroom. Baby Balloon goes over to Father Balloon and, whilst his father is still sleeping, starts playing with Father Balloon's knot until all the air comes out. He then goes over to Mother Balloon and does the same to her knot. Again all the air comes out.

Baby Balloon knows that he will be in trouble for this so he goes back to his own bedroom but is still bored. Eventually, he starts playing with his own knot and again all the air comes out.

In the morning Baby Balloon goes downstairs where his father is waiting for him looking furious. His father tells him to sit down.

'Son, I am very disappointed in you. Last night, you let me down, you let your mother down but worse of all you let yourself down.'
10

Corny Joke Warning on 00:41 - Nov 4 with 3835 viewsozranger

The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers
6

Corny Joke Warning on 11:39 - Nov 4 with 3757 viewsEsox_Lucius

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.
I replied that people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3

Corny Joke Warning on 12:09 - Nov 4 with 3742 viewshubble

I once asked a psychiatrist what the definition of a Freudian slip is. Easy, he said, it's when you mean one thing but you fcuk your mother. I mean say another.
4

Corny Joke Warning on 21:52 - Nov 4 with 3645 viewsEsox_Lucius

I went to my doctor with a bad case of Diarrhoea and asked him to give me something for it.
He said "I can't give any more than 10p a bucket for it".

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 22:31 - Nov 4 with 3624 viewscolinallcars

I've always wanted a personalised number plate but can't afford it. So I changed my name to SO14 DGH.
2
Login to get fewer ads


Corny Joke Warning on 16:46 - Nov 7 with 3453 viewsEsox_Lucius

Not many people know this but Dickens' book, A Tale Of Two Cities, was first published in a couple of Midlands newspapers. It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

10

Corny Joke Warning on 18:32 - Nov 7 with 3415 viewsjohncharles

Don’t know if I put this up before (oooooeeerr) What’s pink and hard first thing in the morning ?
The Financial Times crossword

Strong and stable my arse.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 19:06 - Nov 7 with 3406 viewsEsox_Lucius

When the man who invented the crossword puzzle died he was buried 6 down and 2 across.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 07:51 - Nov 11 with 3180 viewsBlackCrowe

You know what really drives me up the fckng wall?

my gran's stairlift.

Poll: Kitchen threads or polls?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 16:48 - Nov 12 with 3035 viewsEsox_Lucius

After using a moisturiser designed to make you look ten years younger, a nine year old girl has disappeared in the midlands area.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

5

Corny Joke Warning on 20:59 - Nov 12 with 2977 viewsEsox_Lucius

I discovered today that it is illegal in Iceland to have sex whilst you are drunk.
I am not sure if it is the same in Morrisons or Asda; you'll have to check.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 21:27 - Nov 12 with 2964 viewsCiderwithRsie

Corny Joke Warning on 16:46 - Nov 7 by Esox_Lucius

Not many people know this but Dickens' book, A Tale Of Two Cities, was first published in a couple of Midlands newspapers. It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.


I saw this in The Times on Saturday. LFW: always ahead of The Times.
1

Corny Joke Warning on 10:01 - Nov 13 with 2860 viewsBathRanger

A man was accosted by a particularly shabby, smelly beggar who asked him for money for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted some money, and asked, "If I give you this money, will you take it and buy whisky?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the beggar said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble," said the tramp.
"Will you spend the money on a football ticket?" he asked.
"Are you mad?" said the beggar, "I haven't been to the football in 20 years!"

At which the man exclaims, "Forget the money. I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The beggar was astounded. "Won't your wife be bothered? I know I'm dirty and I smell pretty bad too."

"That's alright," he replied, "I want her to see what a man looks like when he's given up drink, gambling, and football."
8

Corny Joke Warning on 08:27 - Nov 14 with 2724 viewsEsox_Lucius

Do any of you technically minded posters know why my DAB radio smells of fish?

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 08:54 - Nov 14 with 2721 viewshubble

Corny Joke Warning on 08:27 - Nov 14 by Esox_Lucius

Do any of you technically minded posters know why my DAB radio smells of fish?


Probably because you've got it in the wrong plaice and you've been listening to sole to sole.
1
Corny Joke Warning on 09:12 - Nov 14 with 2709 viewshopphoops

Corny Joke Warning on 08:54 - Nov 14 by hubble

Probably because you've got it in the wrong plaice and you've been listening to sole to sole.


He's between a rock and a hard plaice in fact.

A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Poll: When will the next election date be announced?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 12:28 - Nov 14 with 2676 viewsMick_S

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 13:23 - Nov 14 with 2661 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 09:12 - Nov 14 by hopphoops

He's between a rock and a hard plaice in fact.


Salmon must know the reason why, surely?

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 16:53 - Nov 22 with 2402 viewsEsox_Lucius

My wife has come home with a Jehovah's Witness Advent Calendar. I had a sneak peek to see what was in it and behind every door is two of them holding out a Watchtower.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 17:32 - Nov 22 with 2374 viewsBoston

I have a bumper sticker which says, honk if you want sex with me. Now, there must be something about how I look with a green light, because if I don't move my car....

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 17:56 - Nov 22 with 2363 viewsBoston

Britney Spears never did cocaine, but she did have an issue with Federlines.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 18:11 - Nov 22 with 2345 viewsBoston

When I was a kid, we were driving down a country lane when my cousin told me that there was a magic tractor in front of us. I was a little surprised but he was right, five minutes later it turned into a field.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
About Us Contact Us Terms & Conditions Privacy Cookies Advertising
© FansNetwork 2019