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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 34303 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Should we take an unprecedented truce between Planet Swans and CCMB?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:16 - Nov 20 with 4869 viewsJACKMANANDBOY

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:13 - Nov 20 by arizlan

What do women and Kentucky fried chicken have in common?









...take away the leg and breast and your left with a smelly box!


Man goes to the doctors complaining of deafness, Doctor says " what are the symtoms?"

Man says "an american cartoon family".

Besian Idrizaj Forever a Jack

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:17 - Nov 20 with 4863 viewsjackportis

Knock knock....
Who’s there......
Bigish ........
Bigish who
No thanks get a job.

Jackportis the brand. “A gifted poster”, “planet swans have a real talent on their hands in the name of Jackportis” sky sports 2018. . JP fully supports posters of LBG, mx orientation and ethnic minority groups. Update - now fully supporting the pansexual community.

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:17 - Nov 20 with 4857 viewsarizlan

How do you know if your mrs is fat?



...when you pull her knickers down her ass is still in them!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:19 - Nov 20 with 4850 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:17 - Nov 20 by arizlan

How do you know if your mrs is fat?



...when you pull her knickers down her ass is still in them!


You know your fat when your missus askes to come over your tìts.... (.)(.)

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Should we take an unprecedented truce between Planet Swans and CCMB?

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:21 - Nov 20 with 4840 viewsLohengrin

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

"No, you're right" he said, "the steaks are too high."

An idea isn't responsible for those who believe in it.

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:26 - Nov 20 with 4826 viewsmax936

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:56 - Nov 20 by Swanjaxs

Two parrots on a perch... one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish"?....


ffs mun

Poll: Will it Snow this coming Winter

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:30 - Nov 20 with 4819 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:26 - Nov 20 by max936

ffs mun


Now that's what you call a fisherman's joke max 🐟 😂

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Should we take an unprecedented truce between Planet Swans and CCMB?

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:32 - Nov 20 with 4811 viewsjack2jack

Two cannibals eating a clown,one turns to the other and says, does this taste funny to you!

Two old Aerials get married,the ceremony was ok, but the reception wasn't up to much!

Taxi
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:43 - Nov 20 with 4789 viewsmax936

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:30 - Nov 20 by Swanjaxs

Now that's what you call a fisherman's joke max 🐟 😂


I'll fetch your coat

Poll: Will it Snow this coming Winter

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:51 - Nov 20 with 4769 viewsDan_Swan

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his arse.....

Still following Dr's orders!

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:51 - Nov 20 with 4766 viewsDarran

A penguin is driving along, eating an ice cream, when his car starts making a funny noise. He decides to stop off at the local garage.

The polar bear mechanic lifts the bonnet, pokes around, then shakes his head. Looking up at the driver he says, 'Looks like you've blown a seal, mate!'

'Nah.' says the penguin. 'I've been eating ice cream.'

The first ever recipient of a Planet Swans Lifetime Achievement Award.
Poll: Who’s got the most experts

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:55 - Nov 20 with 4763 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:51 - Nov 20 by Darran

A penguin is driving along, eating an ice cream, when his car starts making a funny noise. He decides to stop off at the local garage.

The polar bear mechanic lifts the bonnet, pokes around, then shakes his head. Looking up at the driver he says, 'Looks like you've blown a seal, mate!'

'Nah.' says the penguin. 'I've been eating ice cream.'


Fair play 👏

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Should we take an unprecedented truce between Planet Swans and CCMB?

0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:58 - Nov 20 with 4756 viewsBrynCartwright

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:12 - Nov 20 by Swanjaxs

He's not the Messiah.... he's a very naughty boy! Classic 😂


And of course a whole sketch was written around...

"My dog has no nose"

"How does he smell?"

"Terrible"

I'll get my coat.

Poll: Should there be a Christianreligious element/ worship in 2020 school assemblies?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:09 - Nov 20 with 4742 viewsdizietsma

I took a night school class called "How to weigh dogs by hand".

It wasn't much good but I picked up a few pointers.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:11 - Nov 20 with 4739 viewslifelong

Bloke goes into the doctor and complains that his turds are the shape of potato chips, doctor examines him and tells him nothing to worry about, advises him to cut 3 inches off his string vest.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:18 - Nov 20 with 4729 viewsKingBony

What do you call a girl with no legs?

A Dirty c***

Daddy Daddy cool, Daddy Daddy cool

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:23 - Nov 20 with 4719 viewsSwanjaxs

Me and the missus entered a strawberry picking contest on a farm down the Gower last summer, you had 30 minutes to pick the most strawberries, the heaviest basket won, fair play a woman with no legs won first prize... jammy c#*t ...

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Should we take an unprecedented truce between Planet Swans and CCMB?

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:26 - Nov 20 with 4707 viewsDarran

Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:23 - Nov 20 by Swanjaxs

Me and the missus entered a strawberry picking contest on a farm down the Gower last summer, you had 30 minutes to pick the most strawberries, the heaviest basket won, fair play a woman with no legs won first prize... jammy c#*t ...


That’s dreadful. Have a word with ewself mun.

The first ever recipient of a Planet Swans Lifetime Achievement Award.
Poll: Who’s got the most experts

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:28 - Nov 20 with 4704 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:26 - Nov 20 by Darran

That’s dreadful. Have a word with ewself mun.


Soz mush 😞

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Should we take an unprecedented truce between Planet Swans and CCMB?

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:30 - Nov 20 with 4700 viewsJoe_bradshaw

A giraffe walks in to a bar, turns to all the customers and says-

“The highballs are on me”.

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:52 - Nov 20 with 4672 viewsWarwickHunt

What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?

















Pat.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:13 - Nov 21 with 4655 viewstheloneranger

...Jack and Debbie got married...but can't afford a honeymoon...so they go back to Jack's parent's home for their first night together....

In the morning Jack's little brother... Johnny.. gets up and has his breakfast....

As he is going out of the door to go to school... he asks his Mam if Jack and Debbie are up yet...

She replies... "No"....

Johnny asks.... "Do you know what I think" ??....

His Mam replies,..."I don't want to hear what you think Johnny.... Just go to school"...

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mam...."Are Jack and Debbie up yet" ??...

She replies.... "No"...

Johnny says...."Do you know what I think" ??...

His Mam replies.... "Never mind what you think... Eat your lunch and go back to school"..

After school....Johnny comes home and asks yet again.... "Are Jack and Debbie up yet" ??...

His Mam says.... "No"....

He asks...."Do you know what I think" ??...

His Mam replies...."Ok... do tell me what you think" ??....

He says...."Last night Jack came to my room looking for the Vaseline.....and I think I gave him my airplane glue".......!!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 05:00 - Nov 21 with 4599 viewsMo_Wives

I remember a joke doing the rounds, when George Michael (god rest his soul) was in prison, that went something like this:

It's been rumoured that George Michael has been sodomised after he was taken to the infirmary to have a chocolate bar removed from his anus. His spokesman has denied the rumour, saying "It was just a careless whisper"

Good luck, Mr Cooper

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:33 - Nov 21 with 4508 viewsNogginthenog

Took the wife out for a meal last week, she said where's all the trams gone?
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:35 - Nov 21 with 4448 viewstheloneranger

.... PLEASE AVOID DRINKING TEA...!!


..TEA IS AN EVIL SUBSTANCE..!!


Tea is much more dangerous than beer.

....I discovered this last night...I had drank about 14 pints of beer at the pub and my wife was at home drinking tea.....

You ought to have seen how violent and angry she was when I arrived home at 3am this morning....

I was peaceful and silent and headed straight to bed....but she carried on screaming and shouting all night...and long into the next morning...

So ladies.....if you can't handle your tea...

PLEASE DON'T DRINK IT....!!!
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