| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans 08:38 - Dec 15 with 16988 views | Lblock |
Completely tame this year at my end
Our “official company do” was total shite with an obsession of not spending more than £50 a person to ensure “corporate guidelines and governance” were met. We booked a side bar in a central London hotel a couple of Wednesdays ago and it was so dirge I bailed out at 11:00pm to save mysel for a slightly better one the next evening
The only thing of note was Lou, the quietest girl in the office, getting drunk and threatening to dance on a table. Sadly her mate persuaded her not to.
Years gone by at previous companies there’s been tails of exotic dancing, Receptionists vomiting into their handbags and fellatio under tables
Anyone done a walk of shame this year? |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 08:59 - Dec 20 with 3602 views | R_from_afar |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 00:40 - Dec 20 by MoonshineSteve |
So ... |
Come on, tell all, was it a real non-event? The nation waits.
Perhaps you're in a cell and don't want to waste your daily allowance of 10 minutes supervised online time on us lot... 
RFA |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:33 - Dec 20 with 3531 views | WokingR |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 08:59 - Dec 20 by R_from_afar |
Come on, tell all, was it a real non-event? The nation waits.
Perhaps you're in a cell and don't want to waste your daily allowance of 10 minutes supervised online time on us lot...
RFA |
Or he pulled the office munter and can't face owning up  |  | | |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:56 - Dec 20 with 3506 views | danehoop |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:26 - Dec 19 by Discodroids |
Good Advice. Unfortunately, As I've Said, I'll be round the mother in-laws in chigwell Christmas Day and consequently, have to spend all day with a Belcher chain and Lacoste v neck jumper wearing brother in law, whose the biggest Lairy West ham c unt from woodford, i've ever had the misfortune to have met..and the competition has been fierce in this department .
Typical West Ham, he views QPR Like a well heeled landlord that finds himself in reduced circumstances running a shithouse pub looking at his patrons, and therefore his livelihood, like they were germinated in a petri dish and then charges them cartel prices for a remedial product which finds its way around the mouldering pipes of his rancid cellar into their pint glasses like a tramps piss finds the dog shi tted gutter. A f ucking bore.
the bonus is that his daughter is now 19 and a professional ballerina and singer , 5ft 11 with flowing red hair , an english rose ..and the sweet bitch will insist on doing her exercises right in front of me in skin tight leggings so i can see the shape of her vagimosis. On the downside The attention seeking c unt won't eat properly and the family will all fawn round her and break into applause if she manages to nibble at roast tatty. You can see her f ucking ribs through her tops which turns me right on. So Much so Ive been watching belsen hags taking a robust length up the kippax on pornhub on heavy rotation.
just what old bing crosby would have wanted i reckon, rather than that pretentious c unt bowie coming round on xmas day and asking him all those personal questions about his butler, playing his f ucking piano and acting like he's best muckers with Sir f ucking Percival.
Pa rum pum pum pum. [Post edited 19 Dec 2017 12:30]
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Nothing like a ‘droid Christmas to warm the cockles of your heart. Keep up the good work. |  |
| Never knowingly understood |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:26 - Dec 20 with 3462 views | simmo |
3rd and final work xmas drink up today which includes a crawl of Shoreditch.
It's been quite the December. |  |
| ask Beavis I get nothing Butthead |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:39 - Dec 20 with 3435 views | R_from_afar |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:26 - Dec 20 by simmo |
3rd and final work xmas drink up today which includes a crawl of Shoreditch.
It's been quite the December. |
Is it too much to hope for live status updates after each downed drink?
RFA | |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:43 - Dec 20 with 3427 views | 1MoreBrightonR |
19 year old intern (male) told a lesbian we work with that if she and her wife ever needed a helping hand to let him know. He doesnt remember this but is mortified. we love it :) |  | | |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 15:56 - Dec 20 with 3324 views | danehoop |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:43 - Dec 20 by 1MoreBrightonR |
19 year old intern (male) told a lesbian we work with that if she and her wife ever needed a helping hand to let him know. He doesnt remember this but is mortified. we love it :) |
You work with Holloway ranger? | |
| Never knowingly understood |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 16:16 - Dec 20 with 3301 views | SimonJames |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:56 - Dec 20 by danehoop |
Nothing like a ‘droid Christmas to warm the cockles of your heart. Keep up the good work. |
Luckily everything we write isn't immediately indexed and made searchable by Google
... oh bugger, it is! https://goo.gl/Q5Anwb
I'd better quickly delete all my insults about Kim Jong-un |  |
| 100% of people who drink water will die. |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 19:31 - Dec 20 with 3200 views | londonscottish |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:26 - Dec 20 by simmo |
3rd and final work xmas drink up today which includes a crawl of Shoreditch.
It's been quite the December. |
My third and final one was yesterday in Old Broad Street. Took clients out at 5.00, was obliged to stay until the last one left (11.00) had one more drink for luck then wobbled off home.
Found out this week that after last week's bash my mate got held up by knifepoint by two guys at a cash machine in Moorgate. He'd been drinking for 8 hours solid by this point but had a long and very heavy plastic sack in his right hand with seven santa hats in and three very heavy glass jars with cookie-making kits in (freebies from earlier in the day).
Figuring that they might stab him anyway even if he handed over his readies he decided to swing the bag at the hear of the knife-wielding c*nt, battered his head and legged it.
Top man. [Post edited 20 Dec 2017 19:32]
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:24 - Dec 21 with 3077 views | toboboly |
Sorry for the delay, I was off site all day yesterday and didn't have internet access.
It isn't worth the wait. We left the office at 1.30pm and walked to the pub/bar that had arbitrarily chosen by someone in the other team. We went along, had a glass of prosecco, i ordered a beer, had lunch. The sprouts were green balls of mush and the "roast potatoes" were actually new potatoes someone had bbq'd?
Ended up leaving at 5pm as I had sat in silence for 3 hours, the small talk of the people I was sat with was non-existant, and having only had two beers I was sufficiently sober to realise my burning hatred for the people I was with.
Apparently they stayed out until 9pm!!!! Rascals. |  |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:20 - Dec 21 with 3040 views | MoonshineSteve |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:24 - Dec 21 by toboboly |
Sorry for the delay, I was off site all day yesterday and didn't have internet access.
It isn't worth the wait. We left the office at 1.30pm and walked to the pub/bar that had arbitrarily chosen by someone in the other team. We went along, had a glass of prosecco, i ordered a beer, had lunch. The sprouts were green balls of mush and the "roast potatoes" were actually new potatoes someone had bbq'd?
Ended up leaving at 5pm as I had sat in silence for 3 hours, the small talk of the people I was sat with was non-existant, and having only had two beers I was sufficiently sober to realise my burning hatred for the people I was with.
Apparently they stayed out until 9pm!!!! Rascals. |
Oh yes. I'm reading between the lines here, don't you worry. |  |
| I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham. |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 11:42 - Dec 21 with 2995 views | Dorse |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:24 - Dec 21 by toboboly |
Sorry for the delay, I was off site all day yesterday and didn't have internet access.
It isn't worth the wait. We left the office at 1.30pm and walked to the pub/bar that had arbitrarily chosen by someone in the other team. We went along, had a glass of prosecco, i ordered a beer, had lunch. The sprouts were green balls of mush and the "roast potatoes" were actually new potatoes someone had bbq'd?
Ended up leaving at 5pm as I had sat in silence for 3 hours, the small talk of the people I was sat with was non-existant, and having only had two beers I was sufficiently sober to realise my burning hatred for the people I was with.
Apparently they stayed out until 9pm!!!! Rascals. |
As Toboboly left the room, a hush fell upon the group. Breathlessly, they waited until his silhouette had passed across all of the windows before Hilda from Accounts silently removed her phone from her inordinately large handbag. Without removing her eyes from the door, she speed-dialled a coded number.
'He's gone. It's on', she said.... |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:38 - Dec 21 with 2945 views | BlackCrowe |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 15:56 - Dec 20 by danehoop |
You work with Holloway ranger? |
Whatever happened to Holloway Ranger? |  |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 13:56 - Dec 21 with 2871 views | isawqpratwcity |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:38 - Dec 21 by BlackCrowe |
Whatever happened to Holloway Ranger? |
Fernandes sacked him in a case of mistaken identity. |  |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 14:17 - Dec 21 with 2838 views | toboboly |
As a quick addendum my old team had a mass argument at chucking out time, there were tears and bitterness and a load of people had to be separated along Surbiton high street. Apparently managers were shouting and threatening each other as well!
Now THAT is an Xmas party. | |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 22:11 - Dec 21 with 2742 views | PunteR |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 14:17 - Dec 21 by toboboly |
As a quick addendum my old team had a mass argument at chucking out time, there were tears and bitterness and a load of people had to be separated along Surbiton high street. Apparently managers were shouting and threatening each other as well!
Now THAT is an Xmas party. |
Just back.
Farnham. Nice. Great pubs. proper.
Made it to our destination which was The Darjeeling.
Unfortunately a couple of the brickies decided they hated each other and wanted to smash the fk out of each other.
Ended up rolling about on the Darjeeling floor trying to split them up while poppadoms,Kingfisher beer and chutney was flying about everywhere.
Ruined my favorite top with blood all over it.
Astonishingly enough the restaurant guys let us stay even though we smashed the place up a bit . Absolute gents compared to the numpties i have to work with.
I'm not even going to bother trying to explain this one to the missus so the top is at the bottom of the bin.
fekin brickies.
Anyway that's my christmas party shenanigans. [Post edited 21 Dec 2017 22:25]
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| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 22:43 - Dec 21 with 2712 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
We’ve just gone through a major re organisation so Christmas Parties havn’t really happened this year.
As some of you know I work at TfL.
A colleague told me that he had an incident yesterday where a women was so pissed she was on the platform bench spewing her guts out into her woolly beanie hat which pretty much acted like a hairy sieve, so she ended up wearing most of her dinner and what looked like a bucket of red wine.
Anyway, she was helped upstairs via wheelchair with her makeshift vom bag in her lap, when she suddenly decided she’s had enough of being assisted and promptly stood up out of the wheelchair, had a little wobble, then put the hat filled with the digested West End cuisine on her head. |  | | |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 08:17 - Dec 22 with 2546 views | Lblock |
Bazza - apologies to your colleague, the missus often cuts loose.
I do admire LT staff these times of year as they do see the absolute worst of us. I wouldn’t want to go near that mad bint with her puke hat looking like something out of the crackerjack final quiz round, let alone physically assist her. The lads and lasses at either end of the line must have some extra tails to tell what with sleeping stop missers etc
Carnage day today. I’m half glad I’m not in London but I’ll await the tales from my site do which is being sponsored by and hosted by........ the scaffold subby!!!!
Merry Christmas all | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:16 - Dec 22 with 2501 views | Discodroids |
Mrs Disco the 3rd Had her Xmas Knees up yesterday and all the Legal Secs in her firm got an Echo dot, whatever the fu ck that is. She's given me the task to get it working by the end of the day. Im 51. As if im going to even bother taking the fu cking thing out of the box and learn its functions pertaining to my everyday existence.
It Took me 3 months to work out how to load my avatar on twitter, and then a week after i managed to work it all out, them twitter cu nts put it in a circle so you cant see the words' Death Disco' on it anymore.
I ain't got the time nor the will to work it all out. fu ck it. life was so less complicated in the 80's. None of this bollocks. Now in 2017, you want me Sitting here like some sort of cu nt asking a shapeless entity residing in the firmament called alexa to list me the latest west end musicals, where the nearest Gym is in leigh on sea or the base ingredients for the perfect ganache. Turn it in. count me out my son.
Until alexa can violently jack me off into the butler sink while im on redtube watching those jules vern styled fully automated fu cking machines going to town on a couple of plaistow opiate drenched game toms, it can f uck off until christmas 2039, when with any luck, i'll have turned up me toes and my ex wifes and estranged children are fighting over my bloated corpse for my earthly goods and chattels. happy fackin christmas. |  |
| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:26 - Dec 22 with 2423 views | londonscottish |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:16 - Dec 22 by Discodroids |
Mrs Disco the 3rd Had her Xmas Knees up yesterday and all the Legal Secs in her firm got an Echo dot, whatever the fu ck that is. She's given me the task to get it working by the end of the day. Im 51. As if im going to even bother taking the fu cking thing out of the box and learn its functions pertaining to my everyday existence.
It Took me 3 months to work out how to load my avatar on twitter, and then a week after i managed to work it all out, them twitter cu nts put it in a circle so you cant see the words' Death Disco' on it anymore.
I ain't got the time nor the will to work it all out. fu ck it. life was so less complicated in the 80's. None of this bollocks. Now in 2017, you want me Sitting here like some sort of cu nt asking a shapeless entity residing in the firmament called alexa to list me the latest west end musicals, where the nearest Gym is in leigh on sea or the base ingredients for the perfect ganache. Turn it in. count me out my son.
Until alexa can violently jack me off into the butler sink while im on redtube watching those jules vern styled fully automated fu cking machines going to town on a couple of plaistow opiate drenched game toms, it can f uck off until christmas 2039, when with any luck, i'll have turned up me toes and my ex wifes and estranged children are fighting over my bloated corpse for my earthly goods and chattels. happy fackin christmas. |
I hate those things. My wife thought it would be a good present for one of the kids last year. I just couldn't get it to do anything. After 20-odd attempts at getting it to play a particular Spotify playlist I just pulled my phone and found it in about two taps.
My son was searching for some music he was into and it served up the Wurzels. FFS.
There is literally nothing you can't do better with a phone, tablet or keyboard.
Utter bollx. | |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:27 - Dec 22 with 2420 views | LadbrokeR |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:16 - Dec 22 by Discodroids |
Mrs Disco the 3rd Had her Xmas Knees up yesterday and all the Legal Secs in her firm got an Echo dot, whatever the fu ck that is. She's given me the task to get it working by the end of the day. Im 51. As if im going to even bother taking the fu cking thing out of the box and learn its functions pertaining to my everyday existence.
It Took me 3 months to work out how to load my avatar on twitter, and then a week after i managed to work it all out, them twitter cu nts put it in a circle so you cant see the words' Death Disco' on it anymore.
I ain't got the time nor the will to work it all out. fu ck it. life was so less complicated in the 80's. None of this bollocks. Now in 2017, you want me Sitting here like some sort of cu nt asking a shapeless entity residing in the firmament called alexa to list me the latest west end musicals, where the nearest Gym is in leigh on sea or the base ingredients for the perfect ganache. Turn it in. count me out my son.
Until alexa can violently jack me off into the butler sink while im on redtube watching those jules vern styled fully automated fu cking machines going to town on a couple of plaistow opiate drenched game toms, it can f uck off until christmas 2039, when with any luck, i'll have turned up me toes and my ex wifes and estranged children are fighting over my bloated corpse for my earthly goods and chattels. happy fackin christmas. |
The thing is give it five years and Alexa just may be doing that. | | | |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:31 - Dec 22 with 2411 views | Mick_S |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:16 - Dec 22 by Discodroids |
Mrs Disco the 3rd Had her Xmas Knees up yesterday and all the Legal Secs in her firm got an Echo dot, whatever the fu ck that is. She's given me the task to get it working by the end of the day. Im 51. As if im going to even bother taking the fu cking thing out of the box and learn its functions pertaining to my everyday existence.
It Took me 3 months to work out how to load my avatar on twitter, and then a week after i managed to work it all out, them twitter cu nts put it in a circle so you cant see the words' Death Disco' on it anymore.
I ain't got the time nor the will to work it all out. fu ck it. life was so less complicated in the 80's. None of this bollocks. Now in 2017, you want me Sitting here like some sort of cu nt asking a shapeless entity residing in the firmament called alexa to list me the latest west end musicals, where the nearest Gym is in leigh on sea or the base ingredients for the perfect ganache. Turn it in. count me out my son.
Until alexa can violently jack me off into the butler sink while im on redtube watching those jules vern styled fully automated fu cking machines going to town on a couple of plaistow opiate drenched game toms, it can f uck off until christmas 2039, when with any luck, i'll have turned up me toes and my ex wifes and estranged children are fighting over my bloated corpse for my earthly goods and chattels. happy fackin christmas. |
Get an Alexa and leave it in your will. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:44 - Dec 22 with 2385 views | Brightonhoop |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 13:56 - Dec 21 by isawqpratwcity |
Fernandes sacked him in a case of mistaken identity. |
I knew it was TF all along. Librarian my arse. |  | | |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 13:40 - Dec 22 with 2290 views | danehoop |
| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:16 - Dec 22 by Discodroids |
Mrs Disco the 3rd Had her Xmas Knees up yesterday and all the Legal Secs in her firm got an Echo dot, whatever the fu ck that is. She's given me the task to get it working by the end of the day. Im 51. As if im going to even bother taking the fu cking thing out of the box and learn its functions pertaining to my everyday existence.
It Took me 3 months to work out how to load my avatar on twitter, and then a week after i managed to work it all out, them twitter cu nts put it in a circle so you cant see the words' Death Disco' on it anymore.
I ain't got the time nor the will to work it all out. fu ck it. life was so less complicated in the 80's. None of this bollocks. Now in 2017, you want me Sitting here like some sort of cu nt asking a shapeless entity residing in the firmament called alexa to list me the latest west end musicals, where the nearest Gym is in leigh on sea or the base ingredients for the perfect ganache. Turn it in. count me out my son.
Until alexa can violently jack me off into the butler sink while im on redtube watching those jules vern styled fully automated fu cking machines going to town on a couple of plaistow opiate drenched game toms, it can f uck off until christmas 2039, when with any luck, i'll have turned up me toes and my ex wifes and estranged children are fighting over my bloated corpse for my earthly goods and chattels. happy fackin christmas. |
Ah, ‘‘tis the season to be merry indeed! I am looking forward to being further embarrassed by my technical ineptitude on Christmas Day morning as my 2 autistic sons look on expectantly watching the annual dad makes a total arrsemas of all things technical. I think they believe that dad’s muffled attempts to not swear loudly whilst struggling with what must be very simple stuff for the average 8 year old, is part of the time honoured routine for this strange time of the year.
They just about now accept that a strange old man dressed in red will break into the house, seeemingly to eat a mince pie and take a carrot for his flying reindeer (it took many years to get to explaining that one away as well!) before leaving lots of presents. Autistic Christmas is quite different it must be said. In any ways easier as it has become a paired down traditional routine. Both boys get up and insist on wearing fancy dress - no idea why, but last year I was greeted with a camel and penguin walking into my bedroom on Christmas Day morning - I thought sleep deprivation was taking its toll.
Then the kids open their presents. It becomes a transactional arrangement at this point as they quietly work their way through the pile, casting aside anything of no interest - even though it was requested only a few weeks before. The youngest then plays with the wrapping, which is much more fun from a sensory perspective. After that, Christmas is about food, where one will eat everything and I do mean everything, including paper and the other will have his normal food not touching the Xmas spread. We then get to have one play on the iPad whilst the rest of us are called to silence. If we are lucky we will then have the youngest sing his favourite Xmas songs for us with gusto, if not control. And he will sing them over and over and over, requiring applause on each rotation. If you haven’t heard the Moshi Monsters Christmas song sung this way for 20 minutes you really don’t know what you are missing. Seriously you don’t. | |
| Never knowingly understood |
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| Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 16:34 - Dec 22 with 2192 views | Lblock |
I’m guessing you don’t get smashed Christmas Eve and wake up with a hangover in the morning Dane?!?!?!
Lovely to stuff to read.....have a good one fella | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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