| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. 07:39 - May 6 with 5796 views | Discodroids |
Apologies for the Ronnie Corbett Soliloquy, but I was on the phone to my old man yesterday who is in the middle of a heavy drinking session in the West ham football working mans club .(pushes glasses up nose) He reminded me of the only time he ever took drugs that were not crushed underfoot or brewed in a chemical vat of toxic chemicals,emulsifiers , hops and yeast .
I picked the old rascal up my along with his mate on a bleak cold December day from a Concrete industrial estate Dachau in Barking , probably late 90's. As was the spirit of the times in those days i always had a golden ticket on me( gram of beak ) .(pushes glasses up nose) The old man had already had a few jags in him via some Brewery tied shithouse Bunker on the estate , and was well game by the time i picked him up.
He was going on and on about all that purple heart/black bomber/ Dexy Shit from the 60's at the whisky a go go , and how shit things are these days with Charlie a "a fcking Baroque banquet Bourgeoisie and middle class pursuit" as he put it. Bored shitless with his boorish, oafish droning and unappreciative manner for picking him up cause he was fcking legless, i slung him the wrap .
He managed to spill half of it all over the back of the motor the clumsy cnt, but at some point, did gain purchase and traction on a poodles leg. He declared it benign and that he used to get the" proper stuff off Chris Stamp , stevie marriot , kit lambert and Ronnie Lane in tin pan alley 1970"...... 90 seconds later he was higher than the Cholera infected water tanks on top of the surrounding Council Concentration camp tower blocks on the estate.. describing in great details his sexual exploits with stephine de sykes and threading the stringy bit of lyndsey de pauls Labia through his teeth as well as other sexual acts performed on sundry women, inc my mother(My mate was in the car with me). What a cnt. I slung the old git out on the A13 with his oppo.
(pushes glasses up nose)Realising the error of his ways my Dad faced down his demons and bravely engaged in street by street, hand to hand combat with his brief flirtation with the Kib (Charlie) by continuing his lifelong association with alcohol , procured in every low life, petri dish pisshole east end pub that has yet to flattened and turned into a Mosk , Flats or dixy fried chicken shop .And do you know what, ive never been closer to the slippery old sodl. Bleedin' embarrassing though!
Top that !
[Post edited 6 May 2016 7:58]
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| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 08:44 - May 6 with 3941 views | TheBlob |
Probably when I was roadie on a Spreadeagle/Audience/Lindisfarne gig at the Guildford Civic 1972.Band(Audience) was in full swing and all the gear had been set up and was humming away nicely so decided to Blobify a nice young girl from Surrey who happened by and had got in for free.Unbeknownst to Blob there was a balcony running round the auditorium which couldn't be seen in the glare of the lights and everything was observeable going on behind the stacks and PA.After the gig some geezer comes up and pumps Blob's hand..."that was the best entertainment all night mate"
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 08:53 - May 6 with 3914 views | Discodroids |
Ever considered a career within the sphere of adult erotica uncle blob?.Im told the ability to 'find wood' in front of an audience is a rare talent. | |
| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 08:58 - May 6 with 3899 views | TheBlob |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 08:53 - May 6 by Discodroids |
Ever considered a career within the sphere of adult erotica uncle blob?.Im told the ability to 'find wood' in front of an audience is a rare talent. |
I'm sorry to say I did a brief period of sound engineer in cheap porn movies around that time.
I'd rather not go into details. | |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 09:05 - May 6 with 3885 views | PunteR |
Perhaps not THE most embarrassing episode of my life(there's been a few) but my most recent one.
I'd been spending the week hanging a load of fire doors in some offices in Guildford. Nice job,got on well with the office workers who were very understanding about the noise and dust I was creating and let me work around them. I was also getting on well with a couple of girls in the office,one of which kept making me tea's all week. Marvellous.
Anyway Friday comes and me and this young electrician lad who had just started that day changing light fittings were back finishing off.
I was in the small kitchen area when one of the girls walks in.
"can I ask you something?" She said..
"are you going out with anyone?"
Hello. I thought..There's still some life in this old dog yet..
" its just my friend likes you and we just wondered" she went on.
Ding dong, I've still got it!..I'm thinking to myself straighten out my collar.
"its my last day today and were going out tonight so I was just trying to set my friend up who likes you on a date"..
Now, her friend was lovely and I'd been getting on well with her all week but I'm a happily married man with 3 kids, so I told the girl that I'm truly flattered but I'm well and truly taken for.
The girl leaves the room with me standing there pleased as punch that a lovely young lady had fallen for this PuntR hot stuff.
Literally a minute later ,the girl pops her head around the door..
"sorry it wasn't you she wants to go out with, its the electrician....!!"
Ouch. That was a bit awkward and embarrassing. The two girls decided it was best to just to avoid me the rest of the day.
My wife loves me at least.
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| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 09:07 - May 6 with 3877 views | aston_hoop |
I've never been to Guildford which probably explains why I can't think of anything too embarassing at this stage. But I'll think about it. |  |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:00 - May 6 with 3809 views | bosh67 |
All pretty good but I'll give it a go.
In the late 90s I was still a network TV director. I did a program about the life of male strippers in Wales for Channel 4. Nice, weird and scary bunch, and that goes for the troupe and the female fans. They did the full monty show and at the end they made the point that it was a tougher job than it looked and challenged me to get on stage and do it myself. So I took up the challenge. How hard could it be (forgive the pun).
It was in Blackwood, Wales. 6pm on a Saturday evening in front of 200 very very scary women. But I did it, a whole 10 minute routine. Got all my kit off, waved it around and then left the stage. All I was wearing was a big pair of leather boots and a bow tie. Only the door they told me to leave the stage by was to the left and I went out the one on the right. The fire exit.
Because there was banging music going on they couldn't hear me frantically knocking on a door that wouldn't open from the outside. So, with no other option and still wearing nothing but boots and a bow tie, I had to walk round the front of the building, onto the high street, at about 6.15pm as everyone was going out on the town. I had to walk passed a packed bus stop, passed a long queue waiting at the chip shop and back in through the pub door that led to the venue at the back. This was filled with pissed drinkers and I had to ask where to get back in to the venue.
In all it took about 10 minutes to get back in, in which time most of Wales had either stared, laughed, photographed, yelled, screamed at my tackle and spanked or kicked me up the arse. At least I got a cheer when I went back in and got jumped on by the fattest, sweatiest woman in there before I could escape to the sanctuary of the dressing room.
Highly embarrassing. Not so much because of doing the challenge but because of walking out the wrong door. Although weirdly not everyone even noticed as I went passed the bus stop of the chippy. Which was a bit odd.
 Your go... |  |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:08 - May 6 with 3788 views | Discodroids |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 09:05 - May 6 by PunteR |
Perhaps not THE most embarrassing episode of my life(there's been a few) but my most recent one.
I'd been spending the week hanging a load of fire doors in some offices in Guildford. Nice job,got on well with the office workers who were very understanding about the noise and dust I was creating and let me work around them. I was also getting on well with a couple of girls in the office,one of which kept making me tea's all week. Marvellous.
Anyway Friday comes and me and this young electrician lad who had just started that day changing light fittings were back finishing off.
I was in the small kitchen area when one of the girls walks in.
"can I ask you something?" She said..
"are you going out with anyone?"
Hello. I thought..There's still some life in this old dog yet..
" its just my friend likes you and we just wondered" she went on.
Ding dong, I've still got it!..I'm thinking to myself straighten out my collar.
"its my last day today and were going out tonight so I was just trying to set my friend up who likes you on a date"..
Now, her friend was lovely and I'd been getting on well with her all week but I'm a happily married man with 3 kids, so I told the girl that I'm truly flattered but I'm well and truly taken for.
The girl leaves the room with me standing there pleased as punch that a lovely young lady had fallen for this PuntR hot stuff.
Literally a minute later ,the girl pops her head around the door..
"sorry it wasn't you she wants to go out with, its the electrician....!!"
Ouch. That was a bit awkward and embarrassing. The two girls decided it was best to just to avoid me the rest of the day.
My wife loves me at least.
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hahahahahahahahaha....Poor old Punter!. I reckon you still have the old rouges smile though mate. | |
| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:09 - May 6 with 3780 views | Discodroids |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:00 - May 6 by bosh67 |
All pretty good but I'll give it a go.
In the late 90s I was still a network TV director. I did a program about the life of male strippers in Wales for Channel 4. Nice, weird and scary bunch, and that goes for the troupe and the female fans. They did the full monty show and at the end they made the point that it was a tougher job than it looked and challenged me to get on stage and do it myself. So I took up the challenge. How hard could it be (forgive the pun).
It was in Blackwood, Wales. 6pm on a Saturday evening in front of 200 very very scary women. But I did it, a whole 10 minute routine. Got all my kit off, waved it around and then left the stage. All I was wearing was a big pair of leather boots and a bow tie. Only the door they told me to leave the stage by was to the left and I went out the one on the right. The fire exit.
Because there was banging music going on they couldn't hear me frantically knocking on a door that wouldn't open from the outside. So, with no other option and still wearing nothing but boots and a bow tie, I had to walk round the front of the building, onto the high street, at about 6.15pm as everyone was going out on the town. I had to walk passed a packed bus stop, passed a long queue waiting at the chip shop and back in through the pub door that led to the venue at the back. This was filled with pissed drinkers and I had to ask where to get back in to the venue.
In all it took about 10 minutes to get back in, in which time most of Wales had either stared, laughed, photographed, yelled, screamed at my tackle and spanked or kicked me up the arse. At least I got a cheer when I went back in and got jumped on by the fattest, sweatiest woman in there before I could escape to the sanctuary of the dressing room.
Highly embarrassing. Not so much because of doing the challenge but because of walking out the wrong door. Although weirdly not everyone even noticed as I went passed the bus stop of the chippy. Which was a bit odd.
Your go... |
good one bosh ! | |
| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:24 - May 6 with 3757 views | paulparker |
I can only go back to this horrifying experience
ok a few years back for mine and Missus P's anniversary I took her to the 02 to see the Pet shop boys in concert (don't ask)
prior to the event I had been under the weather with a touch of man flu and had a dodgy belly to boot I declared myself match fit the night before we went and reassured Mrs P all was well , anyway off we went for a day in London and we had a couple of beers in a few pubs and all was good
what do you fancy to eat I asked , well after a few we decided on a ruby , we stopped off at the golden oven and I had a lamb madras, it was great, we then got the tube to the 02
on the way my stomach had cramped up big time and I doubled up in pain , I gave the mrs the look of stop the fcuking train I think she thought I was joking at first but then saw the whites of my eyes , I made it just to our stop but standing on the platform and looking at the flight of stairs I had to get up I couldn't hold it any longer , I just stood there and knew the game was up and sh1t myself violently the only relief was the warm feeling down my legs , as luck would have it a ticket guard who was passing saw my state and probably my sh1t stained jeans and took me upstairs , him carrying one arm the mrs the other all the while the evening rush hour commuters could see my state , he then took me to the staff toilets where I shit myself again big time, it wouldn't stop coming and resembled something you do when you empty a radiator I also had nothing to clean myself up with but a tissue,
by this stage I was in blind panic I was miles away from home and still had a concert to go to , the guard was knocking on the bog door to see if I was ok , yes I replied , wont be a minute mate ,
I tossed my sh1tty pants to one side and wobbled out , Mrs P was doing her nut by this stage , telling me I was cnt for having a madras and 6 pints and that she was going to miss her concert , don't worry I said i'l be fine
we got into the 02 with my soiled jeans crusting up at the back It was that bad I asked the vendor if he had any pet shop boys tracksuit bottoms (yeah because people are rushing out buying them ) alas there wasn't any so for 3 hours I had to stand there at the front by the stage people would come around us but would quickly leave as the smell was horrific, to make matters worse I developed a sort of nappy rash and still had the journey home to make minus my pants of course , the tube home was still bad as people were giving me funny looks and my arse at this point was red raw
never again have I had a madras |  |
| And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
|
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:37 - May 6 with 3722 views | Discodroids |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:24 - May 6 by paulparker |
I can only go back to this horrifying experience
ok a few years back for mine and Missus P's anniversary I took her to the 02 to see the Pet shop boys in concert (don't ask)
prior to the event I had been under the weather with a touch of man flu and had a dodgy belly to boot I declared myself match fit the night before we went and reassured Mrs P all was well , anyway off we went for a day in London and we had a couple of beers in a few pubs and all was good
what do you fancy to eat I asked , well after a few we decided on a ruby , we stopped off at the golden oven and I had a lamb madras, it was great, we then got the tube to the 02
on the way my stomach had cramped up big time and I doubled up in pain , I gave the mrs the look of stop the fcuking train I think she thought I was joking at first but then saw the whites of my eyes , I made it just to our stop but standing on the platform and looking at the flight of stairs I had to get up I couldn't hold it any longer , I just stood there and knew the game was up and sh1t myself violently the only relief was the warm feeling down my legs , as luck would have it a ticket guard who was passing saw my state and probably my sh1t stained jeans and took me upstairs , him carrying one arm the mrs the other all the while the evening rush hour commuters could see my state , he then took me to the staff toilets where I shit myself again big time, it wouldn't stop coming and resembled something you do when you empty a radiator I also had nothing to clean myself up with but a tissue,
by this stage I was in blind panic I was miles away from home and still had a concert to go to , the guard was knocking on the bog door to see if I was ok , yes I replied , wont be a minute mate ,
I tossed my sh1tty pants to one side and wobbled out , Mrs P was doing her nut by this stage , telling me I was cnt for having a madras and 6 pints and that she was going to miss her concert , don't worry I said i'l be fine
we got into the 02 with my soiled jeans crusting up at the back It was that bad I asked the vendor if he had any pet shop boys tracksuit bottoms (yeah because people are rushing out buying them ) alas there wasn't any so for 3 hours I had to stand there at the front by the stage people would come around us but would quickly leave as the smell was horrific, to make matters worse I developed a sort of nappy rash and still had the journey home to make minus my pants of course , the tube home was still bad as people were giving me funny looks and my arse at this point was red raw
never again have I had a madras |
 | |
| "...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn." |
| |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:51 - May 6 with 3698 views | traininvain |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:24 - May 6 by paulparker |
I can only go back to this horrifying experience
ok a few years back for mine and Missus P's anniversary I took her to the 02 to see the Pet shop boys in concert (don't ask)
prior to the event I had been under the weather with a touch of man flu and had a dodgy belly to boot I declared myself match fit the night before we went and reassured Mrs P all was well , anyway off we went for a day in London and we had a couple of beers in a few pubs and all was good
what do you fancy to eat I asked , well after a few we decided on a ruby , we stopped off at the golden oven and I had a lamb madras, it was great, we then got the tube to the 02
on the way my stomach had cramped up big time and I doubled up in pain , I gave the mrs the look of stop the fcuking train I think she thought I was joking at first but then saw the whites of my eyes , I made it just to our stop but standing on the platform and looking at the flight of stairs I had to get up I couldn't hold it any longer , I just stood there and knew the game was up and sh1t myself violently the only relief was the warm feeling down my legs , as luck would have it a ticket guard who was passing saw my state and probably my sh1t stained jeans and took me upstairs , him carrying one arm the mrs the other all the while the evening rush hour commuters could see my state , he then took me to the staff toilets where I shit myself again big time, it wouldn't stop coming and resembled something you do when you empty a radiator I also had nothing to clean myself up with but a tissue,
by this stage I was in blind panic I was miles away from home and still had a concert to go to , the guard was knocking on the bog door to see if I was ok , yes I replied , wont be a minute mate ,
I tossed my sh1tty pants to one side and wobbled out , Mrs P was doing her nut by this stage , telling me I was cnt for having a madras and 6 pints and that she was going to miss her concert , don't worry I said i'l be fine
we got into the 02 with my soiled jeans crusting up at the back It was that bad I asked the vendor if he had any pet shop boys tracksuit bottoms (yeah because people are rushing out buying them ) alas there wasn't any so for 3 hours I had to stand there at the front by the stage people would come around us but would quickly leave as the smell was horrific, to make matters worse I developed a sort of nappy rash and still had the journey home to make minus my pants of course , the tube home was still bad as people were giving me funny looks and my arse at this point was red raw
never again have I had a madras |
Might as well lock the thread now as no one is beating this.  |  | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 11:23 - May 6 with 3660 views | BrianMcCarthy |
Wait a while now and i'll try and think of a story that I'll dishonestly claim as The Most Embarassing....not a hope that I'm telling anyone the actual one! [Post edited 6 May 2016 11:24]
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 11:40 - May 6 with 3626 views | Monkey_Roots |
My first proper job, late teens. I worked at this graphic arts place down in Iver.
It was my first week, and I worked in this CAD department with 2 blokes Frank and Steve. Frank was older, Steve younger, and a bit of a lad - I looked up to him. The boss of the outfit came in on the Wednesday and said that as they had delivered a great deal of work under unreasonable deadlines, would they like to go out and celebrate with a meal on the company - plus, take Dave along it will be a nice way of getting to know each other and bedding him into the department.
We arranged to meet at a pub in Slough, can't remember the name though - later became a moon and spoon I think. Anyway, at this point in my life I was into a bit of weed and had a cheeky puff before meeting them and turned up half hour late. They had already had a couple of beers and encouraged me to catchup. So as I was young and a bit of a lad myself, I was drinking Stella at this point, and proceeded to knock about 5 pints in the next hour or so desperate was I to catchup and impress Steve. I wasn't the sort of lad who could handle the beer, and on top of the smoke i'd had previously I started feeling the effects of my late surge. We left the pub and wandered around to the indian, along the way I was hiccupping a bit, and feeling a bit ropey, but pretty secure in the knowledge that soon I would have a belly full of grub to soak up all that alcohol and would feel a bit brighter.
We sat down, got the menus — what I hadn't considered was that once inside we would be ordering more beer. Oh sh*t. I began looking through the menu and knocking back more beer when without warning I vomited right there at the table. My hand shot up to my mouth to try and stop the blast, but it got through, and the fact that my fingers were clamped over my gob, only seemed to hasten and squirt vomit over Steve who was sitting opposite me, all over his shirt.
I walked to the toilet, looked in the mirror and sighed. My career had got off to the worst possible start, this would how I would always remember my first proper foray into the world of work and men, and bravado and whats worse is this would be round the bloody office the next week and I would be laughed at and mocked by all the printers in the building who were only to happy to see the new little cheeky upstart div in the CAD department, with a few GCSE's humbled by a few beers. |  | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 11:44 - May 6 with 3615 views | Monkey_Roots |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 09:07 - May 6 by aston_hoop |
I've never been to Guildford which probably explains why I can't think of anything too embarassing at this stage. But I'll think about it. |
Going to Guilford tonight to the Boiler room to see Yorkston, Thorne and Khan.
Been there? Is it decent? | | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 14:19 - May 6 with 3466 views | stowmarketrange |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:24 - May 6 by paulparker |
I can only go back to this horrifying experience
ok a few years back for mine and Missus P's anniversary I took her to the 02 to see the Pet shop boys in concert (don't ask)
prior to the event I had been under the weather with a touch of man flu and had a dodgy belly to boot I declared myself match fit the night before we went and reassured Mrs P all was well , anyway off we went for a day in London and we had a couple of beers in a few pubs and all was good
what do you fancy to eat I asked , well after a few we decided on a ruby , we stopped off at the golden oven and I had a lamb madras, it was great, we then got the tube to the 02
on the way my stomach had cramped up big time and I doubled up in pain , I gave the mrs the look of stop the fcuking train I think she thought I was joking at first but then saw the whites of my eyes , I made it just to our stop but standing on the platform and looking at the flight of stairs I had to get up I couldn't hold it any longer , I just stood there and knew the game was up and sh1t myself violently the only relief was the warm feeling down my legs , as luck would have it a ticket guard who was passing saw my state and probably my sh1t stained jeans and took me upstairs , him carrying one arm the mrs the other all the while the evening rush hour commuters could see my state , he then took me to the staff toilets where I shit myself again big time, it wouldn't stop coming and resembled something you do when you empty a radiator I also had nothing to clean myself up with but a tissue,
by this stage I was in blind panic I was miles away from home and still had a concert to go to , the guard was knocking on the bog door to see if I was ok , yes I replied , wont be a minute mate ,
I tossed my sh1tty pants to one side and wobbled out , Mrs P was doing her nut by this stage , telling me I was cnt for having a madras and 6 pints and that she was going to miss her concert , don't worry I said i'l be fine
we got into the 02 with my soiled jeans crusting up at the back It was that bad I asked the vendor if he had any pet shop boys tracksuit bottoms (yeah because people are rushing out buying them ) alas there wasn't any so for 3 hours I had to stand there at the front by the stage people would come around us but would quickly leave as the smell was horrific, to make matters worse I developed a sort of nappy rash and still had the journey home to make minus my pants of course , the tube home was still bad as people were giving me funny looks and my arse at this point was red raw
never again have I had a madras |
You didn't say what was more embarrassing,sh#tting yourself in public or going to see the pet shop tw#ts in concert? |  | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 14:38 - May 6 with 3434 views | paulparker |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 14:19 - May 6 by stowmarketrange |
You didn't say what was more embarrassing,sh#tting yourself in public or going to see the pet shop tw#ts in concert? |
hands down it was the Pet shop boys !! stowe
sh1tting myself in public has happened a few times unfortunately | |
| And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 16:05 - May 6 with 3355 views | stowmarketrange |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 14:38 - May 6 by paulparker |
hands down it was the Pet shop boys !! stowe
sh1tting myself in public has happened a few times unfortunately |
That would've been my guess,but I didn't want to jump to the wrong conclusion.
I took my Mrs to see wet wet wet at Wembley arena about 20 years ago and we were 4 rows from the front.I lasted until halfway through the first song and made my excuses and left her to it.
The bar was full of men with the same idea as me.And one Scottish woman who was only there for the beer. | | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 16:42 - May 6 with 3297 views | TacticalR |
On the last day of term...getting drunk before assembly, being sick in assembly, and getting dragged out by the headmaster in front of the whole school. |  |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 18:48 - May 6 with 3187 views | R_from_afar |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 10:24 - May 6 by paulparker |
I can only go back to this horrifying experience
ok a few years back for mine and Missus P's anniversary I took her to the 02 to see the Pet shop boys in concert (don't ask)
prior to the event I had been under the weather with a touch of man flu and had a dodgy belly to boot I declared myself match fit the night before we went and reassured Mrs P all was well , anyway off we went for a day in London and we had a couple of beers in a few pubs and all was good
what do you fancy to eat I asked , well after a few we decided on a ruby , we stopped off at the golden oven and I had a lamb madras, it was great, we then got the tube to the 02
on the way my stomach had cramped up big time and I doubled up in pain , I gave the mrs the look of stop the fcuking train I think she thought I was joking at first but then saw the whites of my eyes , I made it just to our stop but standing on the platform and looking at the flight of stairs I had to get up I couldn't hold it any longer , I just stood there and knew the game was up and sh1t myself violently the only relief was the warm feeling down my legs , as luck would have it a ticket guard who was passing saw my state and probably my sh1t stained jeans and took me upstairs , him carrying one arm the mrs the other all the while the evening rush hour commuters could see my state , he then took me to the staff toilets where I shit myself again big time, it wouldn't stop coming and resembled something you do when you empty a radiator I also had nothing to clean myself up with but a tissue,
by this stage I was in blind panic I was miles away from home and still had a concert to go to , the guard was knocking on the bog door to see if I was ok , yes I replied , wont be a minute mate ,
I tossed my sh1tty pants to one side and wobbled out , Mrs P was doing her nut by this stage , telling me I was cnt for having a madras and 6 pints and that she was going to miss her concert , don't worry I said i'l be fine
we got into the 02 with my soiled jeans crusting up at the back It was that bad I asked the vendor if he had any pet shop boys tracksuit bottoms (yeah because people are rushing out buying them ) alas there wasn't any so for 3 hours I had to stand there at the front by the stage people would come around us but would quickly leave as the smell was horrific, to make matters worse I developed a sort of nappy rash and still had the journey home to make minus my pants of course , the tube home was still bad as people were giving me funny looks and my arse at this point was red raw
never again have I had a madras |
That is a wicked tale but didn't you also post that on the thread about the red hot wings challenge? Come to think of it, it must be a truly great story or I wouldn't have remembered it.
My worst - and there have been a few - was at uni. My faculty had a cheese and wine (it was the 80s, that sort of thing was socially acceptable back then) and I tucked into both with gusto. As the evening ended, I was already lashed but felt that it would be a good idea to drink another half bottle of wine just to ensure I was thoroughly incapacitated. I downed it then staggered out to get my bike. The cold air hit me like a dragnet full of wet plaice and I immediately felt utterly grim, barfing copiously seconds later, right outside the languages block. No matter, I thought, I'll just slope off and leave the elements to wash away the evidence of my misdemeanour and with it, my guilt.
But I was wrong. Poxy wussy British weather! Wind, sun, rain (there was plenty of that in pre-climate change Southampton): None of it shifted my seemingly calcified puke. The worst of it, though, was that my shame was not personal. Everyone knew I was the guilty party and I spent months in a slough of embarrassment. The bloke in the French faculty that all the girls fancied (he looked and dressed a bit like a cross between the Fonz and George Michael) even took it upon himself to remind female students of what had happened as we stood around waiting for lectures to begin.
The evils of moderately strong drink...
RFA |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 20:00 - May 6 with 3120 views | loftboy |
I used to have a pair of adidas track pants, the tracksuit bottoms that had poppers all up the leg to enable you to take them.off over shoes, without me realising these poppers had worn out, I got out of my car in the two rivers car park in Staines right in front of a packed pizza hut and they fell straight to my ankles leaving me stood there in my boxers. |  |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 20:31 - May 6 with 3088 views | CiderwithRsie |
Not really up to the standard of some of the above (and no surprise considering who has been doing the confessing) but I remember making my way home on the last tube after over imbibing and realising that I was inevitably going to chuck up as the bloody train shuddered its way over the points. As it pulled into the next stop I gratefully lurched off the train, up the stairs and out onto the street just in time to chuck up in the gutter handily provided by the fine people of the highways department.
I then looked up and saw what looked like the entire personnel of the Special Patrol Group lined up on the other side of the street, presumably on intelligence that something was going to kick off. I then had to nonchalantly walk past them on my way to walk the last three tube stops home as the last tube trundled on down the track.
P.S. God bless The Ram, wherever he is, this thread is made for him. |  | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 00:58 - May 7 with 2970 views | HollowayRanger |
getting up close to a new girlfriend and finding out the messy way that my prick has a mind of its own!
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 02:39 - May 7 with 2939 views | Boston |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 00:58 - May 7 by HollowayRanger |
getting up close to a new girlfriend and finding out the messy way that my prick has a mind of its own!
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I was sure this was going to have some sort of confused gender ending. | |
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| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 04:12 - May 7 with 2922 views | Hitch |
Iwas 18 and had some holiday time owing so I thought I would do a tour of the North Island (nz) in my car and see where I ended up. After a week of traveling I arrived in Napier a small city on the east coast which is famous for being devastated by an earthquake in 1931. It was about 6 30pm when I checked in to a Hotel there was no restaurant so I started walking uptown in search of a meal. I asked an elderly man in front of me if he knew of any good restaurants. He informed me that's where he was going and I was welcome to join him. I accepted and we went to a Chinese Restaurant. The old guy was about 60 his name was Ted and he was in town for the ordaining of an Anglican Minister. He generously offered to pay for my meal and suggested we could share a bottle of wine later. Gulp. Ted asked if I was married, I lied and said 'yes'. I asked Ted if he was married. He smiled broadly and announced 'I was married but im into men now'. I felt my jaw drop, I wolfed down some food excused myself called over the waitress paid my share and fled at speed. |  | | |
| Most Embarrassing Episode.In.Your.Life. on 08:00 - May 7 with 2870 views | Pommyhoop |
Right a quick background for m embarrassing moment.
Twas the late 80's and I was about 23. I was back at my Mums and Dads and they generously let my GF at the time live with me untill we sorted out a flat together. Also living there at the time was one of my Dad's friends who had just come over from Ireland. Yeah Seamus was like the lodger.
Another vital piece of this story is the downstairs shower room complete with toilet and Bidet ( dont ask , think my Mum was doing her Hyance Bucket impression)..No one used it..
Back then late 80's early 90's the craic was very good as the posters of a certain age ( talking Frankie Thread lads) will know .Well one weekend I had been partying non stop , no kip for nearly 2 days. Not in the same place , Friday went all the way through ( the24 hrs market traders bar at Western International) then home for quick SSS and back out down the local to carry on.
Anyway eventually I was back at home with the GF. When we walked in Seamus was still up watching some film or another.
Jump to Sunday morning. I woke up with the horrible dry mouth and went downstairs to sort it out. While I was down there I needed a slash so I went into the downstairs toilet. There in the Bidet was a perfect log with both slightly curled ends touching the walls of the bidet. Eurrgh Seamus you dirty bastard , I thought and went upstairs.
My GF was awake by now and I told her what I had seen and Seamus had better sort it out. She looked at me with eyes that screamed ''you stupid c'nt'' . ''Dont you remember what you did last night?'' .She proceeded to tell me. Apparently she left for bed and I had said ''I'll be up in a mo mate''
After about an hour I still hadn't came up to bed and she came down to see what was up. I was starkers on the couch curled up in a ball and Seamus was in the other chair watching the TV . WTF she said. Seamus told her that I had gone to toilet and come back without a stitch on and proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. So she woke me up and she said that I walked over to the TV turned it off and then did a big yawn and stretch right in front of Seamus. Starkers..She then told me that it would'nt have been so bad but you had a proper little E willie.I put 2 and 2 together and ran downstairs to sort out the log in the bidet. Luckily it was a nice healthy one and could be dispatched in newspaper.. |  |
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